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Is it normal to miss a toxic ex
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
Like I haven’t talked to this dude in almost 3 years now, idek where he’s living or what he’s up to, still think about him all the time 

he put a knife against my neck (he didn’t injure me at all btw) and for some damn reason I still miss him. Hell when that happened I like begged his roommate for him to talk to me cuz he wouldn’t talk to me for 3 months after that and I even refused to press charges 

what the fuck, I’ve tried contacting him in the past and I can’t find his number or whereabouts. How can you still be into a shitty person it makes no sense 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 13-01-2023 21:48
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:


I was listening to this cuz more human than human was on the radio so I’m on a white zombie kick and I reminded me of us smoking weed and drinking on the porch listening to this 

why do I still miss him lol
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 13-01-2023 21:58
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
I regret not seeing rob zombie when he was near my city as a teen damn 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 13-01-2023 21:59
Account deleted




wrote:
I think it's within reason to miss anyone you've spent an impactful time or extended part of your life with. Even years after. I don't think you miss the toxic parts, but probably the idea of the good ones? Or maybe some good memories? Things that could have been?


but like don't go try contact people like this. ex for a reason. focus on that. feelings are feelings they should be felt to be able to move through, but don't let them let you take dumb decisions.

knife against your throat - that's beyond only toxic imo. that's threatening. it could have gone really wrong even if nothing happened. you should have pressed charges against that so it would at least be on-file.
Date: 13-01-2023 22:53
Private
World Famous



Claire wrote:
you should start by thinking about him using different framing.

like 'toxic ex' doesn't exactly describe what you're describing. the word is actually 'abusive ex' or 'my abuser' etc if you start thinking about this more realistically you might stop missing this person.
21
Posts: 55690
Date: 13-01-2023 23:26
Kaylee
International Star



Kaylee wrote:
theres this guy i used to know who was literally a groomer like we met up when i was 16 and he was 20 and then we have reconnected a couple times over the years but i havent spoken to him in like maybe 5 years n sometimes i think about seeing if his number is still his cus hes not on anything else but then im like wait wtf is wrong with me lol the last time we were speaking he was being super innapropriate n then threw in there that he had a girlfriend and it really fucked me up but my brain sometimes is still like hmm we should try n talk to him again
16
Posts: 5826
Date: 13-01-2023 23:55
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
Nesta wrote:
I think it's within reason to miss anyone you've spent an impactful time or extended part of your life with. Even years after. I don't think you miss the toxic parts, but probably the idea of the good ones? Or maybe some good memories? Things that could have been?


but like don't go try contact people like this. ex for a reason. focus on that. feelings are feelings they should be felt to be able to move through, but don't let them let you take dumb decisions.

knife against your throat - that's beyond only toxic imo. that's threatening. it could have gone really wrong even if nothing happened. you should have pressed charges against that so it would at least be on-file.
I always just remind myself of the shitty parts, like the refusal to quit drinking, accusing me of stealing, threatening me with a knife, looking down on my career choices, calling me a cunt, his sexist and racist views, etc. 

i still think about him a lot and I don’t get it cuz he was scummy af. Like at least once a week, and I cut him off like 2 1/2 years ago. I only ever act on my urges when I’ve been drinking which I’ve scaled back on thankfully. 

that’s my biggest regret lol. I didn’t want to press charges against someone I cared about and “ruin his life” lol. I’ve looked into it but it was years ago so idk if the courts would go through with it. His neighbor took pictures but idk if he still has the evidence and I don’t want to talk to him again tbh. I wish I would of put that shit on file to potentially protect other girls tho. He would of def gotten charged, pictures were taken, evidence was clear 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 14-01-2023 02:01
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
Claire wrote:
you should start by thinking about him using different framing.

like 'toxic ex' doesn't exactly describe what you're describing. the word is actually 'abusive ex' or 'my abuser' etc if you start thinking about this more realistically you might stop missing this person.
It doesn’t feel fair saying I was abused because I had a choice. We never lived together, he kept breaking up with me and then I begged for him to come back. It’s not like I had financial or housing ties to the dude and had no other choice. I was willing to be with him. 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 14-01-2023 02:05
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
Kaylee wrote:
theres this guy i used to know who was literally a groomer like we met up when i was 16 and he was 20 and then we have reconnected a couple times over the years but i havent spoken to him in like maybe 5 years n sometimes i think about seeing if his number is still his cus hes not on anything else but then im like wait wtf is wrong with me lol the last time we were speaking he was being super innapropriate n then threw in there that he had a girlfriend and it really fucked me up but my brain sometimes is still like hmm we should try n talk to him again


i met this dude when I was 23 so an adult but still young lol… he was ten years older

im glad im not alone in thinking of calling up a scum bag from time to time 

fortunately wasn’t groomed tho as a teen SRRY that happened 2 u
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 14-01-2023 02:25 | Times changed: 2
Account deleted




wrote:
ugh thats rough.. i hope it will get better with time. doesnt sound healthy
Date: 14-01-2023 05:39
Senia
International Star



Senia wrote:
Emotions suck sometimes, but it's normal to miss someone even though you realize they were bad for you. Just remember to view them with realistic glasses, not nostalgia ones
15
Posts: 67
Date: 06-02-2023 23:03
Lean
Streetmusician



lean wrote:
1) hi.

2) i remember this guy and he was terrible and you're having a grass is always greener moment.

3) yeah it's completely normal, i think the brain like... craves the emotional turmoil??? idk there's probably a science behind it.
17
Posts: 9093
Date: 07-02-2023 09:31
Private
International Star



Earl wrote:
My ex (sort of) girlfriend was very toxic but sometimes she pops up in my head and i wonder how she's doing, what she's up to blabla. I don't have her number anymore, which i am happy about because i know that when i text her all my feelings would come back and i'd fall for her again. 

i also cant find her on social media anymore, maybe she has  me blocked, who knows? 

but i think its normal eventho it might not be the healthiest to miss a toxic person. she is probably one of the only people that really made me feel something. 
20
Posts: 1605
Date: 07-02-2023 09:38
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
Why did this get bumped wtf 

weirdly enough I’ve been ruminating over the terrible parts and feeling shame and regret

Goals 4 2023: 

hire a therapist 
get a tattoo 
get back into online dating 

I gotta move on I have a lot of… baggage (trauma is too strong of a word) 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 07-02-2023 10:41
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
aiko wrote:
My ex (sort of) girlfriend was very toxic but sometimes she pops up in my head and i wonder how she's doing, what she's up to blabla. I don't have her number anymore, which i am happy about because i know that when i text her all my feelings would come back and i'd fall for her again. 

i also cant find her on social media anymore, maybe she has  me blocked, who knows? 

but i think its normal eventho it might not be the healthiest to miss a toxic person. she is probably one of the only people that really made me feel something. 
This is relatable 

The last time I saw that dude he ran into me at my old job and sent me flowers and letters the next day even though I blocked him. At first I was creeped out but I ended up getting drunk and going to his apartment. There was an eviction notice on the door and he wasn’t home. Haven’t seen him since, and none of his listed numbers are active. He deleted all social media. 

I’m also happy about it for the same reasons lol

yeah aside from a girl in high school who rejected me and is now happily married to a man and a mom of two kids, he was one of the only people I’ve ever truly been in love with lol
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 07-02-2023 11:00
Anachronism
National Star



Anachronism wrote:
@lean  sup 
17
Posts: 24229
Date: 09-02-2023 06:02
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