The gag of it all! - Forum - Virtual Popstar

AriaEvans wrote:
no one understands what it is like being in love with a closeted man. i can’t help myself. i wish he was more accepting of himself. he says these things while he’s mad. i cry over them but he doesn’t care because he doesn’t like me. no one likes me. being me is an internal misery. no one knows except my best friend that i like him more than a friend. his best friend is a lesbian so i don’t understand what’s so hard for him to be himself. he should want to be himself around everyone. he’s amazing and enjoyable to be around. his presence lightens up the room. his need for straight man validation is his biggest flaw. a flaw that gets in the way of who he could be. a waste of time is what i would call my time with him. spending an hour and half alone talking to him on monday. the connection. the feeling of him opening up and telling me stuff about his home life. it’s all a joke. he can text me whenever he wants. i’m always here for him. he feels like being gay at 1 am and he texts me and we talk. i got him a gift for his birthday and he was so happy and grateful it was a $4 phone case. but whenever the straight man is around all of a sudden i don’t exist anymore. feeling hurt so bad and they run so deep i don’t even want to feel anymore. i hold onto it and i don’t show it but once i get home it’s all i think about. it’s confusing with him. it’s crazy. i can’t let go of this feeling. he would buy me things and he was more caring and all of a sudden he’s deeper into a house made of glass that’s about to crack. it’s gonna shatter on him and no one’s going to be there for him because he couldn’t be there for anyone else anymore. being out isn’t easy but being closeted isn’t simple either. i would give up on him but this is all i’ve ever had.