Close one dying - Forum - Virtual Popstar

Close one dying

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Versailles wrote:
Do you have any experience with family or friends dying? How did you cope?

The only one left grandparent is (probably) dying soon. She's been my rock and basically raised me and my sisters. I'm not coping well at the moment. She has lost her memories a while back, but that didn't stop her keeping her personality and having fun - even though she could be confused at times. We could have normal conversation still and do fun things together.

She fell really hard a week ago and now her half body is paralyzed and she can't talk. She can use her left leg and arm and use her head, I feel like she communicates by having eyecontact, face expression and her arm. I can see that she's there and understands, and sometimes tries to say something. Since her memories are so bad me and my sister explained calmly every 3-5 minutes that she fell and that's why it's hard to use the right side of her body, but luckily she didn't break any bones and that's she's in good hands and we're here.
And we talked, joked and listened to music together.

I'm just absolutely heartbroken. One thing that she can't do much and in that bad shape, but the worst thing is that she forgets and probably confused why she's in the room she's in, why she can't really move much or talk.. It was heartbreaking to leave her alone like that.

If anyone got experience to share or some good words id appreciate it. Trying to cope. I've experiences death and usually things were either quick or died in their sleep etc, so this one in particular is so much harder. I was ready for the day that they'll say she's dead, and somehow these news and seeing how she's now is so much worse.

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International star

CeciIia wrote:
my grandfather had a stroke and made him lose the ability to communicate, unfortunately my family didn't provide such adequate care but some did try to make him comfortable even in that state, it was very difficult to see him lose the ability to walk and eat alone and I always had to go to the hospital, and unfortunately at the beginning of 2023 he left, I don't usually deal with death very well, I always try to think that the person is just traveling, but I recommend just keeping your good memories that you had with your grandmother, it will be difficult in the beginning but always remember that she loves you and your sisters even though she can't talk ♡

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Minister of Pop

Heartbroken wrote:
God, i'm so sorry to hear that ): I lost my mom when i was 15 to cancer and at the end she couldnt speak or rly do anything except for lay there, so i can relate to what you are going through in a way.
I think trying to hold on to the good memories is so so so important, although hard in the situation you're in

sending you so much love

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Biohazard wrote:
I'm really sorry for what you're going through right now, it's extremely rough... I don't know how much it means coming from a stranger on the internet, but I'm very proud of you that you can still be there with her even though it's heartbreaking to witness.

It's so scary to see a loved one suddenly plummet into very bad condition pretty much in front of your eyes. This happened with my mom, she was my best friend in the whole world, and even though it has already been a few years since she passed, it still hits me like a truck at times. The most important thing I can say is that don't stay alone with your thoughts, at any part of the process.

I once saw a picture talking about grief that stuck with me. People often say that with time you're going to feel better, that the grief is going to fade away, but that's not necessarily the case. The grief is going to stay there, as strong as ever but your life is going to grow around it, which means that some day it's not going to be so overwhelming anymore. But even then you have to allow yourself to have those moments of intense feelings sometimes. Realizing this really helped me personally, because at the start I was trying to suppress everything related to her, even all the happy memories because I was so scared of the pain. But now I can laugh, and sometimes cry, about all the things I got to experience with her.

My DMs will be open for you at any point if you feel like you just need to talk to someone /gen

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Versailles wrote:
Omg.. I appreciate every one of you who commented. I've been crying alone in the bedroom, and feeling hopeless...
Even though it's hard to read and i dont wish anyone to experience these things.. It's kinda helps to know many have similar experience. And i'm so sorry everyone, life's rough and we're here on borrowed time. It's not easy. It's also absolutely heartbreaking to hear that you lose someone so early as well because of cancer or sickness...

I'm trying to keep on the good memories and try to make myself feel better the fact she told us many times before she lost her memories ''yeah life been long, but i had a really great life and i'm happy how it turned out'' so she's already content over 10 years ago when she was in her 70's.

I talked with my sister and my mother in law a lot today. I'm sleeping over at my mother in law at the moment because i couldnt be alone with my toughts (my bf lives with me but he's currently away for 2 weeks).

Absolutely surprised how hard it is to cope, it felt so sudden. Just two weeks ago she was at the hairdresser, looked smashing with make up and went out eating.
I'm having hard time to accept that's she in the state she is at the moment. I also really hope she's alive tomorrow, because im not ready to let go. 💔

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Versailles wrote:
i'm just devestated that so far in 2024 i've been grieving. Lost my twins to miscarriage in the end of january, and now this.. I also thought about the fact that i hope she gets to meet her great-granchild, because she looooves babies and toddlers. She told me years back that she wants great-grandchild, but it was unfortuntly not the time for it. I feel so bad over this as well, that she didnt get to experience meeting my future child(ren) that she really wanted.

Mimimumu
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mimimumu wrote:
im so sorry that you're going through that. it's so sad and it's okay to cry and grief if anything, i encourage you to cry all you can. i lost my mum to covid almost 3 years ago and it took her quick. i didn't even have time to process her getting covid and then she died. i really went through it and it took a while before i could finally start to heal. i was extremely close to my mum and when she died i felt like she had left me alone in this world. disease and death are so cruel but we must do what we can to move on. cherish the time you have with your loved ones. im glad that you've decided to open up about it here. i think you're very courageous for that. i wish you well and i hope you're able to get through this.

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Popstar

Ara wrote:
First of, I'm really, really sorry. I completely understand and feel with you. Loosing someone close to your heart is incredibly painful. Seeing someone youve known all your life change and things becoming different, is very painful as well.

When mourning (even if the person is still alive), it is important to embrace whatever is happening or has happened. It is nothing else we can do. Death is a fact in life and something we will come across several times in our lives. While incredibly, earthshattering painful, me must trust that the ones we loose, continue to live beside and through us. They live in our memories , our hearts and in the stories we share about them. And we must trust, that at the end of the line, we'll meet them again.

Theres nothing we can do about the pain. We just have to remember it will be easier with time. Not less painful, but easier. Let yourself grieve. This is something your soul and body needs.

When I lost someone I loved very much, it was very sudden. I hadnt seen them for a long time and all the regrets made it worse. I also didnt really have anyone to turn to so I kept alot of what I felt inside. He came to me in a dream a few days after, I kept that in my heart, one last meeting, the goodbye we never had. I felt like a ghost for a long time. I cried, I wrote to myself, wrote to them" even if they couldnt read it. I talked to them and greeted them when I was alone, because maybe they are there and can see it, feel it. I gathered a bunch of pictures of them, tried to gather whatever I had left of them. It was hard, but time continued.

Its been years and my heart is still heavy when I think about it, but I can feel happiness and laugh again. As I know, your loved one would want you to as well.

So let yourself mourn. Mourn with others, talk to others. Talk about and share stories about your loved one. Write to yourself about what youre feeling, your love, your pain. Do or make something in their memory. Cry cry cry. Seek comfort and share pains with others (like you do now ❤). Its hard, so so hard. But it will get easier.

Enjoy the moments you have shared, the moments you will continue to share. Take care of yourself ❤ I wish you all the best

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