come overanalyze with me - Forum

Private
International star

Rhaella wrote:
yes hi i am once again asking for your help in overanalyzing a silly thing that doesn't really even matter.

manymany years ago i was in a relationship with a guy for a few years. he was a bit toxic and luckily we broke up. after the break up he kinda "took" my friends (suddenly wanted to hang out with them a lot etc), he even tried to go on a trip with my brother and their mutual friends (who were mainly my brother's friends but then through studies some of them got to know my ex), but my brother said hell no to that (love him).

the years following our break up, every time we were at the same party or hang out with our mutual friends he just awkwardly hovered over to the same circle of people i was in, always listening to what i said but never directly talking to me. we both have had new partners since our break up, and both of us are in a relationship right now. tho his first gf after our break up was lowkey obsessed with me, or it felt like it, since she watched all my ig stories but never followed me. that or my ex convinced her that all his exes were crazy and violent like he had convinced me.

anyways, that's the basic background info. the thing is, i just travelled abroad with my bf for family reasons, and we did some other sightseeing as well. we went to a european country, but our first stop was in a smaller town due to the family reasons. the town is not any of the biggest tourist locations, especially not in the winter, there's not much to see. other cities are much bigger, have more to see and do, and are closer to the biggest airport.
so imagine my confusion when now, after a few weeks after my holiday, my ex went with his gf to the same country, AND THE SAME TOWN, for a vacation?? like hello sir, you were never one to travel in europe in the wintertime? and why is your first stop the same small town i just visited?

i find it hard to believe it is just a freaky coincidence, given that he follows me on ig and had seen my posts about the place and liked those posts and stories. he even posted a picture of a building right around the corner from where we stayed.

yeah so what do you think?

Private
Living legend

glowed wrote:
that does not sound like a coincidence to me!

Private
International star

Rhaella wrote:

glowed wrote:
that does not sound like a coincidence to me!

omg thanks for validating my thoughts! cause i had this lingering pestering thought that maybe i am being unreasonable and crazy and making this out to be more than it is. but like whyyy would he do this??

Private
National star

Miguel wrote:
yeah, he's stalking you and you should be cautious. perhaps you should block him too because that's weird as shit

Private
International star

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:
yeah, he's stalking you and you should be cautious. perhaps you should block him too because that's weird as shit

holy shit, i never thought of it as stalking.. but idk, he would have plenty of more ways and opportunities to stalk me? like he has never messaged me after our break up or anything, hasn't tried to get info about me from our mutual friends, he could have applied to work at the same company i work in but hasn't. could he be escalating in a way?

i always thought he despised me because of the way he acted in our relationship.

Private
National star

Miguel wrote:

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:
yeah, he's stalking you and you should be cautious. perhaps you should block him too because that's weird as shit

holy shit, i never thought of it as stalking.. but idk, he would have plenty of more ways and opportunities to stalk me? like he has never messaged me after our break up or anything, hasn't tried to get info about me from our mutual friends, he could have applied to work at the same company i work in but hasn't. could he be escalating in a way?

i always thought he despised me because of the way he acted in our relationship.

been in your situation before, and stalking can be so subtle you won't notice it unless you think about all the "small coincidences" that happen. the fact that he would try to get so close to your friends, to your brother. . . now going to the same place you've been with your current partner, that's creepy and is more than just random, weird coincidences

if he's been abusive or cruel to you during the relationship, that's probably a bigger indicator that he must feel like his ego has been hit by you moving on or something similar ( abusive people, in my experience, tend to see others as objects and not as people, because they need to dehumanize the other person in order to not feel empathy towards them and it makes it easier for them to hurt that person ), so i'd be pretty catious again

i'm not trying to alarm you, but i think that these are early signs of something that could become much more harmful. i dont know if in english there's this saying, but in my native language we say " piensa mal y acertarás " ( which means something like " think badly -of something or someone- and you will be right " ). . . sometimes it's better to take extra steps into protecting yourself, just in case

Private
National star

Miguel wrote:
mind you, there are so many places in the world, and the fact that he went to the exact same place and took photos so close to where you were staying, doesn't matter if you were there a few weeks ago. that's scary as hell and not something I would personally just try to ignore

Private
International star

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:
yeah, he's stalking you and you should be cautious. perhaps you should block him too because that's weird as shit

holy shit, i never thought of it as stalking.. but idk, he would have plenty of more ways and opportunities to stalk me? like he has never messaged me after our break up or anything, hasn't tried to get info about me from our mutual friends, he could have applied to work at the same company i work in but hasn't. could he be escalating in a way?

i always thought he despised me because of the way he acted in our relationship.

been in your situation before, and stalking can be so subtle you won't notice it unless you think about all the "small coincidences" that happen. the fact that he would try to get so close to your friends, to your brother. . . now going to the same place you've been with your current partner, that's creepy and is more than just random, weird coincidences

if he's been abusive or cruel to you during the relationship, that's probably a bigger indicator that he must feel like his ego has been hit by you moving on or something similar ( abusive people, in my experience, tend to see others as objects and not as people, because they need to dehumanize the other person in order to not feel empathy towards them and it makes it easier for them to hurt that person ), so i'd be pretty catious again

i'm not trying to alarm you, but i think that these are early signs of something that could become much more harmful. i dont know if in english there's this saying, but in my native language we say " piensa mal y acertarás " ( which means something like " think badly -of something or someone- and you will be right " ). . . sometimes it's better to take extra steps into protecting yourself, just in case

thank you for your perspective! we broke up like 6 years ago, so all of these little things have happened in the space of those six years, which is maybe partly why i have brushed these off so easily. but what you said really made me think.

he was mentally/emotionally abusive, gaslighting etc. the moment i started to gain my confidence back and didn't act like a doormat was the moment he lost interest in me and we broke up, so i kinda "got out easy". but yes, he subtly chipped my confidence away. it definitely feels like his ego has taken a hit when has seen me absolutely loving life and flourishing without him.

i will definitely limit what i post on social media. i'm a bit scared blocking him would antagonize him or alert him that i'm on to him? anyways, thank you, you have given me much to think about

Private
National star

Miguel wrote:

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:

Rhaella wrote:

holy shit, i never thought of it as stalking.. but idk, he would have plenty of more ways and opportunities to stalk me? like he has never messaged me after our break up or anything, hasn't tried to get info about me from our mutual friends, he could have applied to work at the same company i work in but hasn't. could he be escalating in a way?

i always thought he despised me because of the way he acted in our relationship.

been in your situation before, and stalking can be so subtle you won't notice it unless you think about all the "small coincidences" that happen. the fact that he would try to get so close to your friends, to your brother. . . now going to the same place you've been with your current partner, that's creepy and is more than just random, weird coincidences

if he's been abusive or cruel to you during the relationship, that's probably a bigger indicator that he must feel like his ego has been hit by you moving on or something similar ( abusive people, in my experience, tend to see others as objects and not as people, because they need to dehumanize the other person in order to not feel empathy towards them and it makes it easier for them to hurt that person ), so i'd be pretty catious again

i'm not trying to alarm you, but i think that these are early signs of something that could become much more harmful. i dont know if in english there's this saying, but in my native language we say " piensa mal y acertarás " ( which means something like " think badly -of something or someone- and you will be right " ). . . sometimes it's better to take extra steps into protecting yourself, just in case

thank you for your perspective! we broke up like 6 years ago, so all of these little things have happened in the space of those six years, which is maybe partly why i have brushed these off so easily. but what you said really made me think.

he was mentally/emotionally abusive, gaslighting etc. the moment i started to gain my confidence back and didn't act like a doormat was the moment he lost interest in me and we broke up, so i kinda "got out easy". but yes, he subtly chipped my confidence away. it definitely feels like his ego has taken a hit when has seen me absolutely loving life and flourishing without him.

i will definitely limit what i post on social media. i'm a bit scared blocking him would antagonize him or alert him that i'm on to him? anyways, thank you, you have given me much to think about

if you also feel like it ( and i recommend this ), you should talk about this with other people surrounding you, especially your current partner and your family. be careful not to talk about this with people you know are his friends, because they can tell him about what you may have discovered about him, and that could get you in trouble that you surely need to avoid as much as possible

but yes, limiting what you post on social media, especially where you're going or similar stuff could be a good move for now, until you gradually feel strong enough to supress him and also his new partner, because she probably isn't safe to let her watch whatever you do and such ( she could even be cooperating with your ex, if stalking is 100% happening -and again, I do think it is what is happening )

Private
National star

Miguel wrote:
also, you've done great by noticing these small things and asking other people's opinions, especially because these are things most would've ignored in the first place

Private
International star

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:
been in your situation before, and stalking can be so subtle you won't notice it unless you think about all the "small coincidences" that happen. the fact that he would try to get so close to your friends, to your brother. . . now going to the same place you've been with your current partner, that's creepy and is more than just random, weird coincidences

if he's been abusive or cruel to you during the relationship, that's probably a bigger indicator that he must feel like his ego has been hit by you moving on or something similar ( abusive people, in my experience, tend to see others as objects and not as people, because they need to dehumanize the other person in order to not feel empathy towards them and it makes it easier for them to hurt that person ), so i'd be pretty catious again

i'm not trying to alarm you, but i think that these are early signs of something that could become much more harmful. i dont know if in english there's this saying, but in my native language we say " piensa mal y acertarás " ( which means something like " think badly -of something or someone- and you will be right " ). . . sometimes it's better to take extra steps into protecting yourself, just in case

thank you for your perspective! we broke up like 6 years ago, so all of these little things have happened in the space of those six years, which is maybe partly why i have brushed these off so easily. but what you said really made me think.

he was mentally/emotionally abusive, gaslighting etc. the moment i started to gain my confidence back and didn't act like a doormat was the moment he lost interest in me and we broke up, so i kinda "got out easy". but yes, he subtly chipped my confidence away. it definitely feels like his ego has taken a hit when has seen me absolutely loving life and flourishing without him.

i will definitely limit what i post on social media. i'm a bit scared blocking him would antagonize him or alert him that i'm on to him? anyways, thank you, you have given me much to think about

if you also feel like it ( and i recommend this ), you should talk about this with other people surrounding you, especially your current partner and your family. be careful not to talk about this with people you know are his friends, because they can tell him about what you may have discovered about him, and that could get you in trouble that you surely need to avoid as much as possible

but yes, limiting what you post on social media, especially where you're going or similar stuff could be a good move for now, until you gradually feel strong enough to supress him and also his new partner, because she probably isn't safe to let her watch whatever you do and such ( she could even be cooperating with your ex, if stalking is 100% happening -and again, I do think it is what is happening )

yes, i already told my bf and brother and a few close friends! they all agree that this is weird if not creepy.

oh right, i wasn't clear enough in my original post, but the partner he is with now is his second partner after our break up. it was his previous partner that was obsessed with me. i have since privatized my accounts so his new partner can't see anything i post. they have been together for like a year.

Private
National star

Miguel wrote:

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:

Rhaella wrote:
thank you for your perspective! we broke up like 6 years ago, so all of these little things have happened in the space of those six years, which is maybe partly why i have brushed these off so easily. but what you said really made me think.

he was mentally/emotionally abusive, gaslighting etc. the moment i started to gain my confidence back and didn't act like a doormat was the moment he lost interest in me and we broke up, so i kinda "got out easy". but yes, he subtly chipped my confidence away. it definitely feels like his ego has taken a hit when has seen me absolutely loving life and flourishing without him.

i will definitely limit what i post on social media. i'm a bit scared blocking him would antagonize him or alert him that i'm on to him? anyways, thank you, you have given me much to think about

if you also feel like it ( and i recommend this ), you should talk about this with other people surrounding you, especially your current partner and your family. be careful not to talk about this with people you know are his friends, because they can tell him about what you may have discovered about him, and that could get you in trouble that you surely need to avoid as much as possible

but yes, limiting what you post on social media, especially where you're going or similar stuff could be a good move for now, until you gradually feel strong enough to supress him and also his new partner, because she probably isn't safe to let her watch whatever you do and such ( she could even be cooperating with your ex, if stalking is 100% happening -and again, I do think it is what is happening )

yes, i already told my bf and brother and a few close friends! they all agree that this is weird if not creepy.

oh right, i wasn't clear enough in my original post, but the partner he is with now is his second partner after our break up. it was his previous partner that was obsessed with me. i have since privatized my accounts so his new partner can't see anything i post. they have been together for like a year.

oh okay okay, you also did great by privatizing your accounts
i'm glad that you've also told people close to you about the situation, because ( hopefully you won't need this ) if anything happens, it's good to have people with an eye open in order to help you as much as possible

i really hope he stops bothering you and you're able to live peacefully, but please always be aware of his actions

Private
International star

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:

Rhaella wrote:

Miguel wrote:
if you also feel like it ( and i recommend this ), you should talk about this with other people surrounding you, especially your current partner and your family. be careful not to talk about this with people you know are his friends, because they can tell him about what you may have discovered about him, and that could get you in trouble that you surely need to avoid as much as possible

but yes, limiting what you post on social media, especially where you're going or similar stuff could be a good move for now, until you gradually feel strong enough to supress him and also his new partner, because she probably isn't safe to let her watch whatever you do and such ( she could even be cooperating with your ex, if stalking is 100% happening -and again, I do think it is what is happening )

yes, i already told my bf and brother and a few close friends! they all agree that this is weird if not creepy.

oh right, i wasn't clear enough in my original post, but the partner he is with now is his second partner after our break up. it was his previous partner that was obsessed with me. i have since privatized my accounts so his new partner can't see anything i post. they have been together for like a year.

oh okay okay, you also did great by privatizing your accounts
i'm glad that you've also told people close to you about the situation, because ( hopefully you won't need this ) if anything happens, it's good to have people with an eye open in order to help you as much as possible

i really hope he stops bothering you and you're able to live peacefully, but please always be aware of his actions

thank you again so much for your advice! i hope this doesn't get any worse, but i'll definitely keep an eye out from now on.

Private
International star

emogirrrl123 wrote:
i agree with miguel. your feelings are 100% valid, he sounds creepy af! do you have some friends that are not in contact with him? i'd probably try to "switch" my friend group to those. it's so weird that he's doing this 6 years after your break up??

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International star

Rhaella wrote:

Sera wrote:
i agree with miguel. your feelings are 100% valid, he sounds creepy af! do you have some friends that are not in contact with him? i'd probably try to "switch" my friend group to those. it's so weird that he's doing this 6 years after your break up??

yeah i have. tbh i've already kind of slowly drifted away from our mutual friends during these six years. mostly because we don't have that much in common anymore and they stopped inviting me to things. now there's this and some other sketchy things going on with our extended group of friends that make me question the people i want to spend time with.

but yeah after six years?? makes me wonder what else he has done or said etc during these years without my knowledge...

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Living legend

lain wrote:
sounds really weird.... can you block him maybe, so its harder for him to see where you are?