emogirrrl123 wrote:
honestly, i feel like i've already lived a thousand lives. like most of the time it does feel like someone just randomly decided to place me in this country as a student of this field, just because why not. i've been around so many different people. started out in so many places. had so many jobs. sometimes it genuinely feels like i've been transferred to various bodies/realities (yes, i'm aware there is a word for this). i think it's mostly because apart from my boyfriend, there isn't much evidence that anything really happened. which sometimes makes me feel powerful, like i can do anything because no one will remember, nothing is "real". and which also sometimes makes me feel lonely and disconnected from my environment
but that's derailing the topic. i think one of my biggest decisions was the simple act of legally changing my name. i think i'd be very miserable if i had the original one. or the one before, my parents changed it. it felt empowering to name myself at 18, like i was reborn.