How do you deal with - Forum

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:
Abelist people?

especially those that might be like that due to lack of education regarding the topic but also it might be problematic or hard to educate em because what if such people are really close to you?

Private
Popstar

Bloomlng wrote:
Honestly I'm really good at yapping (irl I'm a very bad texter) and try to explain it in a way where they can relate and therfore unable to say anything else. This is the people I know and have some personal experience with. Otherwise if it's some random then I look at them all disgusted and essentially say the same thing but in the most passive aggressive way because it's baffling that they can say these things out loud in front of people they don't know.

Idk if that made sense but try to make them relate but tell them it's ten times worse for the disabled person or something along those lines. It also helps when someone says something ignorant to just ignore it and say something positive (idk if that's the right word to use) and usually people would backtrack and reflect on what they say.

LexiLuvsKirby
Youtube star

LexiLuvsKirby wrote:
You call Lexi to fist fight said ableist person

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Bloomlng wrote:
Honestly I'm really good at yapping (irl I'm a very bad texter) and try to explain it in a way where they can relate and therfore unable to say anything else. This is the people I know and have some personal experience with. Otherwise if it's some random then I look at them all disgusted and essentially say the same thing but in the most passive aggressive way because it's baffling that they can say these things out loud in front of people they don't know.

Idk if that made sense but try to make them relate but tell them it's ten times worse for the disabled person or something along those lines. It also helps when someone says something ignorant to just ignore it and say something positive (idk if that's the right word to use) and usually people would backtrack and reflect on what they say.

the explanation in a way that is relatable sadly did not work as my experiences and the experiences of that individual are so different, and they are healthy as hell so they just... literally don't know any better in that regard? like we talked and all I got is "my pain threshold just might be better than yours? who knows"

it did make sense, and sadly as I said this one thing works the least (((
I did try the other thing as well and it flew over their head

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

TarranttHightopp wrote:
You call Lexi to fist fight said ableist person

LMAO noted
though when it comes to fists it's the department I need help with the least pff

Private
National star

Miguel wrote:
I personally only give people like 1 or 2 chances to actually show that they care enough to ask questions instead of dismissing my condition as something that isn't important to take into consideration regarding how I act or react in specific situations or such

I think the biggest part of the problem isnt necessarily the ignorance around certain conditions, but rather the lack of want to at the very least understand it on a surface level. i dont plan on people who do not live with my same condition to know everything about it, but i do expect others to be mindful and also feel free to ask questions instead of assume . . . but maybe that's not really fair since everyone may respond differently to someone opening up regarding their disability.

still, i think that disabled people (regardless of how much support they need) do not owe others their time to explain every single aspect of their disability in order to feel like they're being fair to others, if it makes sense

Private
Popstar

Bloomlng wrote:

Arthema wrote:

Bloomlng wrote:
Honestly I'm really good at yapping (irl I'm a very bad texter) and try to explain it in a way where they can relate and therfore unable to say anything else. This is the people I know and have some personal experience with. Otherwise if it's some random then I look at them all disgusted and essentially say the same thing but in the most passive aggressive way because it's baffling that they can say these things out loud in front of people they don't know.

Idk if that made sense but try to make them relate but tell them it's ten times worse for the disabled person or something along those lines. It also helps when someone says something ignorant to just ignore it and say something positive (idk if that's the right word to use) and usually people would backtrack and reflect on what they say.

the explanation in a way that is relatable sadly did not work as my experiences and the experiences of that individual are so different, and they are healthy as hell so they just... literally don't know any better in that regard? like we talked and all I got is "my pain threshold just might be better than yours? who knows"

it did make sense, and sadly as I said this one thing works the least (((
I did try the other thing as well and it flew over their head

Omg I feel you. People who think their experiences are the only valid and acceptable experience frustrate me to no end. Like oh you do/don't feel so and so after doing so and so, GOOD FOR YOU, but that's not everyone's experience 🙄

Like whe I did a blood test my iron levels were so low the doctor looked at me like he was looking at a ghost (the average person's is 12 and above, someone who is anemic would normally be somewhere between 7 and 11, mine was 3.71 💀)

I had constant headaches and dizziness, I had no period but when it came I would sometimes be taken to the hospital and yet people would still tell me I was faking it or that I was over dramatic 🙃

What I'm trying to say is that some people will never want to under you simply because and there is nothing you can do about it except for accepting it

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Miguel wrote:
I personally only give people like 1 or 2 chances to actually show that they care enough to ask questions instead of dismissing my condition as something that isn't important to take into consideration regarding how I act or react in specific situations or such

I think the biggest part of the problem isnt necessarily the ignorance around certain conditions, but rather the lack of want to at the very least understand it on a surface level. i dont plan on people who do not live with my same condition to know everything about it, but i do expect others to be mindful and also feel free to ask questions instead of assume . . . but maybe that's not really fair since everyone may respond differently to someone opening up regarding their disability.

still, i think that disabled people (regardless of how much support they need) do not owe others their time to explain every single aspect of their disability in order to feel like they're being fair to others, if it makes sense

Your point makes 100% sense, and I feel the same way as you, think and act the same (from what you've written here at least regarding this topic)
my problem is that this person is just really close to me and well, he was understanding and welcoming, questioned what he did not understand and inquired, until he stopped any effort and stopped all that he did before, giving me half-assed comments though he DOES take the time and effort to help if things flare up but not to a point where it feels right, it always feels forced, like he has to

and well! I sadly do owe him explanations because we are married ehehehehe...
but the actual problem is that it is a rule of mine to be as upfront and honest about it, I would never want to "trap" someone in a relationship if they are not willing, ready, or capable of being with someone with disabilities.
He knew everything, like absolutely everything, he witnessed some of it even before we dated, let alone got married, so it is just mind-boggling even to have to witness him like that

makes me think to myself why did he even bother, cus now he looks like he's forced to deal with it and I have to deal with him

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Bloomlng wrote:

Arthema wrote:

Bloomlng wrote:
Honestly I'm really good at yapping (irl I'm a very bad texter) and try to explain it in a way where they can relate and therfore unable to say anything else. This is the people I know and have some personal experience with. Otherwise if it's some random then I look at them all disgusted and essentially say the same thing but in the most passive aggressive way because it's baffling that they can say these things out loud in front of people they don't know.

Idk if that made sense but try to make them relate but tell them it's ten times worse for the disabled person or something along those lines. It also helps when someone says something ignorant to just ignore it and say something positive (idk if that's the right word to use) and usually people would backtrack and reflect on what they say.

the explanation in a way that is relatable sadly did not work as my experiences and the experiences of that individual are so different, and they are healthy as hell so they just... literally don't know any better in that regard? like we talked and all I got is "my pain threshold just might be better than yours? who knows"

it did make sense, and sadly as I said this one thing works the least (((
I did try the other thing as well and it flew over their head

Omg I feel you. People who think their experiences are the only valid and acceptable experience frustrate me to no end. Like oh you do/don't feel so and so after doing so and so, GOOD FOR YOU, but that's not everyone's experience 🙄

Like whe I did a blood test my iron levels were so low the doctor looked at me like he was looking at a ghost (the average person's is 12 and above, someone who is anemic would normally be somewhere between 7 and 11, mine was 3.71 💀)

I had constant headaches and dizziness, I had no period but when it came I would sometimes be taken to the hospital and yet people would still tell me I was faking it or that I was over dramatic 🙃

What I'm trying to say is that some people will never want to under you simply because and there is nothing you can do about it except for accepting it

the period part... we need to abolish anything that claims period problems are not a big deal cus what the fuck
still remember the days I had to be rushed to the ER because of it...... and nothing was done to help me lol

Sadly it might just be a case like that where he just won't understand, as sad as it is, and won't try to truly just accept that it is not a matter of him vs me when it comes to pain but that we are 2 different entities that experience health (and the lack of it) differently

Private
Popstar

Bloomlng wrote:

Arthema wrote:

Bloomlng wrote:

Arthema wrote:

the explanation in a way that is relatable sadly did not work as my experiences and the experiences of that individual are so different, and they are healthy as hell so they just... literally don't know any better in that regard? like we talked and all I got is "my pain threshold just might be better than yours? who knows"

it did make sense, and sadly as I said this one thing works the least (((
I did try the other thing as well and it flew over their head

Omg I feel you. People who think their experiences are the only valid and acceptable experience frustrate me to no end. Like oh you do/don't feel so and so after doing so and so, GOOD FOR YOU, but that's not everyone's experience 🙄

Like whe I did a blood test my iron levels were so low the doctor looked at me like he was looking at a ghost (the average person's is 12 and above, someone who is anemic would normally be somewhere between 7 and 11, mine was 3.71 💀)

I had constant headaches and dizziness, I had no period but when it came I would sometimes be taken to the hospital and yet people would still tell me I was faking it or that I was over dramatic 🙃

What I'm trying to say is that some people will never want to under you simply because and there is nothing you can do about it except for accepting it

the period part... we need to abolish anything that claims period problems are not a big deal cus what the fuck
still remember the days I had to be rushed to the ER because of it...... and nothing was done to help me lol

Sadly it might just be a case like that where he just won't understand, as sad as it is, and won't try to truly just accept that it is not a matter of him vs me when it comes to pain but that we are 2 different entities that experience health (and the lack of it) differently

I understand you for me it was my mother who I love with my whole being but she's just so difficult when it comes to things like my many shortcomings if you will but out side of that she is very nice and loving so I just avoid talking with her on this topic even though it's such a big part of my life. Hope your relationship won't have to suffer because of something like this and that you can over come it

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Bloomlng wrote:

Arthema wrote:

Bloomlng wrote:
Omg I feel you. People who think their experiences are the only valid and acceptable experience frustrate me to no end. Like oh you do/don't feel so and so after doing so and so, GOOD FOR YOU, but that's not everyone's experience 🙄

Like whe I did a blood test my iron levels were so low the doctor looked at me like he was looking at a ghost (the average person's is 12 and above, someone who is anemic would normally be somewhere between 7 and 11, mine was 3.71 💀)

I had constant headaches and dizziness, I had no period but when it came I would sometimes be taken to the hospital and yet people would still tell me I was faking it or that I was over dramatic 🙃

What I'm trying to say is that some people will never want to under you simply because and there is nothing you can do about it except for accepting it

the period part... we need to abolish anything that claims period problems are not a big deal cus what the fuck
still remember the days I had to be rushed to the ER because of it...... and nothing was done to help me lol

Sadly it might just be a case like that where he just won't understand, as sad as it is, and won't try to truly just accept that it is not a matter of him vs me when it comes to pain but that we are 2 different entities that experience health (and the lack of it) differently

I understand you for me it was my mother who I love with my whole being but she's just so difficult when it comes to things like my many shortcomings if you will but out side of that she is very nice and loving so I just avoid talking with her on this topic even though it's such a big part of my life. Hope your relationship won't have to suffer because of something like this and that you can over come it

oof I wish mine was nice, mine has the same problems almost (as... she gave em to me....) and she would still bash me to hell and back because what I experience is nothing ))))

eh
at this point I just think how to protect myself cus the situation is baaad
only the future will tell, but thank you

Private
Popstar

Bloomlng wrote:

Arthema wrote:

Bloomlng wrote:

Arthema wrote:
the period part... we need to abolish anything that claims period problems are not a big deal cus what the fuck
still remember the days I had to be rushed to the ER because of it...... and nothing was done to help me lol

Sadly it might just be a case like that where he just won't understand, as sad as it is, and won't try to truly just accept that it is not a matter of him vs me when it comes to pain but that we are 2 different entities that experience health (and the lack of it) differently

I understand you for me it was my mother who I love with my whole being but she's just so difficult when it comes to things like my many shortcomings if you will but out side of that she is very nice and loving so I just avoid talking with her on this topic even though it's such a big part of my life. Hope your relationship won't have to suffer because of something like this and that you can over come it

oof I wish mine was nice, mine has the same problems almost (as... she gave em to me....) and she would still bash me to hell and back because what I experience is nothing ))))

eh
at this point I just think how to protect myself cus the situation is baaad
only the future will tell, but thank you

💔💔💔

Private
National star

Miguel wrote:

Arthema wrote:

Miguel wrote:
I personally only give people like 1 or 2 chances to actually show that they care enough to ask questions instead of dismissing my condition as something that isn't important to take into consideration regarding how I act or react in specific situations or such

I think the biggest part of the problem isnt necessarily the ignorance around certain conditions, but rather the lack of want to at the very least understand it on a surface level. i dont plan on people who do not live with my same condition to know everything about it, but i do expect others to be mindful and also feel free to ask questions instead of assume . . . but maybe that's not really fair since everyone may respond differently to someone opening up regarding their disability.

still, i think that disabled people (regardless of how much support they need) do not owe others their time to explain every single aspect of their disability in order to feel like they're being fair to others, if it makes sense

Your point makes 100% sense, and I feel the same way as you, think and act the same (from what you've written here at least regarding this topic)
my problem is that this person is just really close to me and well, he was understanding and welcoming, questioned what he did not understand and inquired, until he stopped any effort and stopped all that he did before, giving me half-assed comments though he DOES take the time and effort to help if things flare up but not to a point where it feels right, it always feels forced, like he has to

and well! I sadly do owe him explanations because we are married ehehehehe...
but the actual problem is that it is a rule of mine to be as upfront and honest about it, I would never want to "trap" someone in a relationship if they are not willing, ready, or capable of being with someone with disabilities.
He knew everything, like absolutely everything, he witnessed some of it even before we dated, let alone got married, so it is just mind-boggling even to have to witness him like that

makes me think to myself why did he even bother, cus now he looks like he's forced to deal with it and I have to deal with him

I think it's usually a mix of a) people truly not thinking that some people are disabled, well, forever, that it's not always just a temporary thing, or something that can be fixed or become invisible after a while, and b) not realizing previously that disabilities can and might have huge importance in many many many situations, and that sometimes there's a need for a higher patience and more help

you should obviously talk to him about how you're feeling, and ask him how he feels in order to perhaps solve what you think he's thinking of, because sometimes there can be just a lack of self awareness from his part on how he acts or seems to act whenever there's a situation where your disability has a lot of importance. you were more than fair for explaining your disability to him, and he should also be capable of being honest with you about his feelings or thoughts, especially as you're both married to eachother

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Miguel wrote:

Arthema wrote:

Miguel wrote:
I personally only give people like 1 or 2 chances to actually show that they care enough to ask questions instead of dismissing my condition as something that isn't important to take into consideration regarding how I act or react in specific situations or such

I think the biggest part of the problem isnt necessarily the ignorance around certain conditions, but rather the lack of want to at the very least understand it on a surface level. i dont plan on people who do not live with my same condition to know everything about it, but i do expect others to be mindful and also feel free to ask questions instead of assume . . . but maybe that's not really fair since everyone may respond differently to someone opening up regarding their disability.

still, i think that disabled people (regardless of how much support they need) do not owe others their time to explain every single aspect of their disability in order to feel like they're being fair to others, if it makes sense

Your point makes 100% sense, and I feel the same way as you, think and act the same (from what you've written here at least regarding this topic)
my problem is that this person is just really close to me and well, he was understanding and welcoming, questioned what he did not understand and inquired, until he stopped any effort and stopped all that he did before, giving me half-assed comments though he DOES take the time and effort to help if things flare up but not to a point where it feels right, it always feels forced, like he has to

and well! I sadly do owe him explanations because we are married ehehehehe...
but the actual problem is that it is a rule of mine to be as upfront and honest about it, I would never want to "trap" someone in a relationship if they are not willing, ready, or capable of being with someone with disabilities.
He knew everything, like absolutely everything, he witnessed some of it even before we dated, let alone got married, so it is just mind-boggling even to have to witness him like that

makes me think to myself why did he even bother, cus now he looks like he's forced to deal with it and I have to deal with him

I think it's usually a mix of a) people truly not thinking that some people are disabled, well, forever, that it's not always just a temporary thing, or something that can be fixed or become invisible after a while, and b) not realizing previously that disabilities can and might have huge importance in many many many situations, and that sometimes there's a need for a higher patience and more help

you should obviously talk to him about how you're feeling, and ask him how he feels in order to perhaps solve what you think he's thinking of, because sometimes there can be just a lack of self awareness from his part on how he acts or seems to act whenever there's a situation where your disability has a lot of importance. you were more than fair for explaining your disability to him, and he should also be capable of being honest with you about his feelings or thoughts, especially as you're both married to each other

that could be the case in a lot of situations, in mine though? I think it is B, mostly b
Sadly I've no more patience, as it has been going on for a long time now

I did, many times, asked what I can do or explain n better, asked what is going on with him and on his mind.. nada
I walk on eggshells with him and he claims everything is fine when it is not fine, you can see it on his face, expression and all, body language, the way he is so unbothered and not happy with me but anything else and anyone else yes, I truly think it is a lost cause at this point over how many times we talked about this and other problems sadly, I just feel cheated in a way he knew it all and chose to stay but now? aaaaaa

Elisia
International star

Elisia wrote:
It depends on the situation and my comfort level with them. And if I am in professional setting.

When I explained it to my parents I used the spoon theory as my explanation, but when I explained it to my grandma I compared myself to her phone.

Alternately when I explained it to my boyfriend I had to compare it to video game statuses (poisoned, bleeding, etc. All at one time)

Elisia
International star

Elisia wrote:
If it is a friend i fully recommend explaining the spoon theory or in game status effects

my bf and I use a status bar now (like a pixelated bar). When the bar is over a 4 I need to stay home. If it's over an 8 I am probably laying the floor, or should be soon. And with him I explained that my status bar has no cap. I can keep getting new ailments and statuses until it inevitably kills me, but some of them go away with rest