I am struggling - Forum - Virtual Popstar

RaspberryPie
Streetmusician

RaspberryPie wrote:
my mom wants to put her way of living and future on me and its stressing me out

My mom is a workaholic and genuinely doesnt like the mentality in younger generations work attitude and believes all her colleagues are morons (her words not mine) and keeps complaining about what they do wrong and how stupid they are and she is now considering to ask her boss if she can send work to me??

I am on a disabled income and would love a little more extra money now that I have to move but I am on a disabled income for a reason, i cant handle it
I also just want to find my own way in life, I want to draw, design for vp, maybe learn how to tattoo. You know, my own stuff because I am my own person.

She also coaxed me into doing an animal care course with her, it was cancelled because there were not enough applicants but she guilt tripped me for months till I said yes and she always talks about how I will work with her in the future

and it is stressing me out so much
I havent been able to get out of bed and havent been able to sleep until 5-6am and have so many stress symptom and im just losing my mind

I haven even been able to do what I love doing, drawing and designing, Im just in a call with my crush/gf-ish every day and talk to her but I cant even bring myself to watch a show, play a game or do a hobby

Anybody know a solid way to de-stress a little bit?
I am on the waiting list for professional help, so that is already a step I have taken
(Talking to my mom will sadly not work)

Private
International Star

bexxi wrote:
you are living with your mom, i presume?
ideally you would be able to talk about your feelings with her and how her attitude towards work moral and stuff makes you feel worse, like she judges you etc

but realistically i doubt she would really be willing to relfect and change. just from the impression what you wrote about her ... i think the only way u can find peaceand joy is moving out

at least it was that way for me

RaspberryPie
Streetmusician

RaspberryPie wrote:

bexxi wrote:
you are living with your mom, i presume?
ideally you would be able to talk about your feelings with her and how her attitude towards work moral and stuff makes you feel worse, like she judges you etc

but realistically i doubt she would really be willing to relfect and change. just from the impression what you wrote about her ... i think the only way u can find peaceand joy is moving out

at least it was that way for me

For now yes, I broke up with my partner of three years and had to move back
I am working on my move to my own apartment

And even moving out wont work, when I lived on my own she did the same, we usually eat together to save money and stuff

So I really need stuff I can do on the regular to get rid of a bit of stress

Private
International Star

bexxi wrote:

bexxi wrote:
you are living with your mom, i presume?
ideally you would be able to talk about your feelings with her and how her attitude towards work moral and stuff makes you feel worse, like she judges you etc

but realistically i doubt she would really be willing to relfect and change. just from the impression what you wrote about her ... i think the only way u can find peaceand joy is moving out

at least it was that way for me

also i know moving out is already your goal but hard to do, but thats seriously the only thing i can see that will significantly improve your situation

i lived in a homeless shelter for 3 years because i knew thats better than going back to my mother. now i live on my own again and i have cut all contact with her completely and literally life has never been better. she was a massive source of anxiety and judgement for me and she was not willing to entertain the idea that she could be the source of my stress and anxiety and wasnt willing to ever listen to me. and the limited text on what you wrote seems like your mom is of a similiar kind.

that said i love that you have a clear idea on what you would like to do (design, tatto, be creative in general) and i hope you can be at a point in life soon where you can actually pursue those interests (and tbh being a tattoo artist sounds like an awesome side income for a disabled person, since u can manage to set your appointments in a way where its not too much for u. as long as you find a shop where you can work e.g. only 3 days a week or so if thats all you can manage etc, ... )

RaspberryPie
Streetmusician

RaspberryPie wrote:

bexxi wrote:

bexxi wrote:
you are living with your mom, i presume?
ideally you would be able to talk about your feelings with her and how her attitude towards work moral and stuff makes you feel worse, like she judges you etc

but realistically i doubt she would really be willing to relfect and change. just from the impression what you wrote about her ... i think the only way u can find peaceand joy is moving out

at least it was that way for me

also i know moving out is already your goal but hard to do, but thats seriously the only thing i can see that will significantly improve your situation

i lived in a homeless shelter for 3 years because i knew thats better than going back to my mother. now i live on my own again and i have cut all contact with her completely and literally life has never been better. she was a massive source of anxiety and judgement for me and she was not willing to entertain the idea that she could be the source of my stress and anxiety and wasnt willing to ever listen to me. and the limited text on what you wrote seems like your mom is of a similiar kind.

that said i love that you have a clear idea on what you would like to do (design, tatto, be creative in general) and i hope you can be at a point in life soon where you can actually pursue those interests (and tbh being a tattoo artist sounds like an awesome side income for a disabled person, since u can manage to set your appointments in a way where its not too much for u. as long as you find a shop where you can work e.g. only 3 days a week or so if thats all you can manage etc, ... )

I am working on it, I have the house, it is just barren and I need to do a lot, i am working on it tho

I cut her off mostly when Iived an hour away by car but now Im literally going to move across the street and she will not leave me alone, I also just want her to respect my boundaries D:

I have a very clear goal, I want to save up for a drivers license and a tattoo course/education, I already bought a drawing course. I am excited over my goals, my mom also doesnt want to stop me per se??? but she expects me to do her stuff as well
I would love to do it, I also love tattoos a lot, It is definitely my future plan

Private
National Star

Hauru wrote:
cutting off sounds harsh but sometimes it helps to ignore them a bit more. RN it may not be possible but once youre out of that house its alright to distance yourself. Most narcissistic people wont ever learn but it might ease your mind a bit once you are not feeling like you have to give her your time and attention.