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how to not come across as an a hole?
Private
International Star



emogirrrl123 wrote:
the flat i'm living in has multiple problems, which require attention. all of the people living here have quite different schedules and the landlord is very inflexible with his time, which means that most of the time when he comes over, one of us is alone in the flat. this would probably be fine for most people, but i have some trauma that gets triggered by the situation. i don't want to be the a hole for being the only one who's not biting the bullet and staying with him (no one feels comfortable letting him roam alone here). so i agreed that i will do it on monday. luckily this time, my bf is able to come over, but since we live 6 hours apart (so him coming over is 12h both ways), this is not something i can just ask him to do all the time.

i don't want to tell my roommates about my trauma, but i don't want to be the one in the flat in the future. how do i communicate this without sounding like i'm not doing my part?
18
Posts: 13330
Date: 13-11-2025 17:13
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Minister of Pop



Azriel wrote:
Uhhhh then next time I would either make sure I won't be home when the landlord comes over or be like "I was here last time can someone else do it? 🥺"
20
Posts: 38561
Date: 13-11-2025 17:41
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emogirrrl123 wrote:
Azriel wrote:
Uhhhh then next time I would either make sure I won't be home when the landlord comes over or be like "I was here last time can someone else do it? 🥺"
i regret telling them that i study/have my workgroups from home most of the time (my student advisor agreed with me that it's the best way for my circumstances) bc now it feels like they will know i'm making stuff up if i'm suddenly gone whenever the landlord is here D: but maybe it's still worth a try bc mandatory uni stuff feels more valid than telling that i'm too uncomfortable with it
18
Posts: 13330
Date: 13-11-2025 18:06
Fantasy
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Fantasy wrote:
this probably isn't a long lasting solution either but I would also ask friends that are living in the same city if they could stay over while the landlord is in the flat if that would help u - if any of my friends would ask this, id def agree without them having to explain any trauma, just being alone with any landlord is usually not great so id def understand 
16
Posts: 9892
Date: 13-11-2025 18:12
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emogirrrl123 wrote:
Fantasy wrote:
this probably isn't a long lasting solution either but I would also ask friends that are living in the same city if they could stay over while the landlord is in the flat if that would help u - if any of my friends would ask this, id def agree without them having to explain any trauma, just being alone with any landlord is usually not great so id def understand 
i don't have any irl friends :c i'm getting to know some people through bumble bff and my uni's autism meetups, but it's not at that level yet. but taking a note of this for the future <3
18
Posts: 13330
Date: 13-11-2025 18:16
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