sometimes i wonder - Forum - Virtual Popstar

Private
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meilin wrote:
if i will ever have a proper friend group or even just one irl friend who i hangout regularly with. i dont think ive had that since i was 13 aside from online friends and as the years pass it seems more and more unlikely that i ever will

like nothing has changed from this (except that it turns out i can't connect with neurodivergent people either) and it feels so bad?? like i want a friend someday? and idk what i do wrong because im doing everything people always tell you to do: going to places/meetings regularly (i attended weekly meetings this entire year and last year the same but with a different group), talking casually when i have the energy (like asking how theyre doing with the course were having etc) etc. but people dont interact with me unless i initiate it and even if i initiate many times i get the feeling theyre not really enjoying it bc otherwise surely theyd also come talk to me sometimes?

idk it feels sad

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Popstar

bexxi wrote:
i get it its so hard to find friends irl especially if u are socially akward
u do everything u can but it doesnt seem to work and thats just very discouraging

Meister
National Star

Meister wrote:
I think it has been harder to make friendships since the pandemic. Now people only live on their phone and online. Its also harder to click to people if you dont like the things they like to 100%. If you must agree on everything how can a friendship grow? Im just talking and mumbling to my self here and i have no evidence in anything i write.
When we dont feel a click its harder to form a bond. It can also be that they dont think about the things they do or say. For them its the way they are, its how they function and dont think about others.
Have you tried to ask one person to hang out and just eat an iceream?

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meilin wrote:

bexxi wrote:
i get it its so hard to find friends irl especially if u are socially akward
u do everything u can but it doesnt seem to work and thats just very discouraging

it's so messed up bc i don't even understand when i'm being awkward or do something inappropriate? like once i talked with my ex for almost an hour about what my sims are doing and he got mad at me bc he had been giving me "so many signs/hints" and i just didn't catch them bc he didn't explicitly say it was getting too much. i also really struggle understanding how turn taking works in convos in general with the right amount of pauses, tones and such ugh

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meilin wrote:

Meister wrote:
I think it has been harder to make friendships since the pandemic. Now people only live on their phone and online. Its also harder to click to people if you dont like the things they like to 100%. If you must agree on everything how can a friendship grow? Im just talking and mumbling to my self here and i have no evidence in anything i write.
When we dont feel a click its harder to form a bond. It can also be that they dont think about the things they do or say. For them its the way they are, its how they function and dont think about others.
Have you tried to ask one person to hang out and just eat an iceream?

kind of! i have been on bumble bff "dates" with people but it doesn't work out for some reason. when i match with people, they compliment on the vibe i give and things seem to go well via the app convos, so i know it's not that i'm just fundamentally terrible person, but it's something in my body language or how i behave that doesn't work out

personally this has been an issue for me way before pandemic. i wouldn't say it's necessarily interests either because i know plenty of people irl who i can click with based on interests (i wouldn't say mine are terribly unique) but who still don't vibe with me on a fundamental level. the people who i met every second week-ish this uni year formed groups, but it didn't seem that they shared that many interests?

Meister
National Star

Meister wrote:

meilin wrote:

Meister wrote:
I think it has been harder to make friendships since the pandemic. Now people only live on their phone and online. Its also harder to click to people if you dont like the things they like to 100%. If you must agree on everything how can a friendship grow? Im just talking and mumbling to my self here and i have no evidence in anything i write.
When we dont feel a click its harder to form a bond. It can also be that they dont think about the things they do or say. For them its the way they are, its how they function and dont think about others.
Have you tried to ask one person to hang out and just eat an iceream?

kind of! i have been on bumble bff "dates" with people but it doesn't work out for some reason. when i match with people, they compliment on the vibe i give and things seem to go well via the app convos, so i know it's not that i'm just fundamentally terrible person, but it's something in my body language or how i behave that doesn't work out

personally this has been an issue for me way before pandemic. i wouldn't say it's necessarily interests either because i know plenty of people irl who i can click with based on interests (i wouldn't say mine are terribly unique) but who still don't vibe with me on a fundamental level. the people who i met every second week-ish this uni year formed groups, but it didn't seem that they shared that many interests?

I think you are on something.
On the web we dont hear or see the body language or hear the voices of the persons. They are more direct and for some people its easier to understand what the other person thinks.
A person can look mean but can be the nicest person in the world, body language can be tricky. If you dont smile you can give signals as "Leave me alone" if you smile you can give vibes as "Im a little bit crazy".
The voices can also make a person seen nice or mean, if you dont have a smile in the voice when you talk about nice and fun things you can sound mean and sarcastic. And if someone tells something funny and a voice sounds boring the person can think that they are boring.

If your body language is stiff and not moving it can also be seen ans the person is being bored or unfriendly.