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General < General
i can't make new friends (vent)
Doll
Popstar



Doll wrote:
because the moment i start feeling happy or excited about having a new friend, ocd makes me overthink that what if i develop a crush on them eventually? 
yesterday i became friends with this person and at first it was going very okay and we texted a bunch and then i ended up blocking them because i just started spiraling about "what if we keep talking and i develop a crush on them?" and i don't feel sad at all about blocking them 
but now that i have blocked them, my ocd switched to why would i even be able to develop a crush on someone other than my bf? 

i am really scared about when i start a job and having to meet new people when i finish uni. i kind of will just avoid getting close with anyone? but then again just the fact that i feel like i am capable of developing a crush on someone else is so? what does one even do in this situation
15
Posts: 1190
Date: 10-09-2026 19:10
Private
International Star



meilin wrote:
awshh i was in this situation just a while ago and made a topic on here ): met a lovely guy at the summer course i was at and after hanging out together on/off for a week started getting feelings for him that made me feel absolutely terrible about myself (obviously never told the guy or acted out). so what you fear already happened to me. it's sort of still an ongoing situation but i feel much better now that i'm not seeing him each day anymore and he might not even like me back. some time away definitely weakened the situation.

would it help you to think that if this unlikely situation happens to you that most likely nothing will happen? the person won't act out on those feelings (and if they do, they are most likely not suited for a relationship anyway and presumably your feelings [if present] disappear) and if you get feelings, the person knows you are in a relationship anyway so you're in the friendzone?

i think getting new friends is definitely scary though and it can resemble getting a crush on someone, if you haven't been social for a long time. but i feel like those feelings will weaken as you interact perhaps more sparsely and for a longer time?
18
Posts: 13859
Date: 10-09-2026 19:23
Doll
Popstar



Doll wrote:
meilin wrote:
awshh i was in this situation just a while ago and made a topic on here ): met a lovely guy at the summer course i was at and after hanging out together on/off for a week started getting feelings for him that made me feel absolutely terrible about myself (obviously never told the guy or acted out). so what you fear already happened to me. it's sort of still an ongoing situation but i feel much better now that i'm not seeing him each day anymore and he might not even like me back. some time away definitely weakened the situation.

would it help you to think that if this unlikely situation happens to you that most likely nothing will happen? the person won't act out on those feelings (and if they do, they are most likely not suited for a relationship anyway and presumably your feelings [if present] disappear) and if you get feelings, the person knows you are in a relationship anyway so you're in the friendzone?

i think getting new friends is definitely scary though and it can resemble getting a crush on someone, if you haven't been social for a long time. but i feel like those feelings will weaken as you interact perhaps more sparsely and for a longer time?
i saw your post actually and i wanted to comment but then since it is something that i feel so strongly about and confuses me so much i didn't know what to say exactly :C 

i am glad you are doing better now though and hopefully you dont see that guy again so you dont get confused and feel bad again! <3 

the problem with me is that it puts me in so much distress that i could even be capable to begin with to develop a crush on someone else like i cannot find it in myself to just accept that that happens. and then on top of that ocd also fires back with a "what if you act on it and can't control it if you do have a crush?" and i just spiral badly and like earlier i ended up blocking the person before even developping the crush that i could have probably also never developped. 

i am tired because it is becoming so exhausting and i do not want to lose my boyfriend over this but i don't know what to do. my brother made a new friend recently and i have not met him even when he has come to our house i lock myself inside because i do not want to see his face because what if i find him cute. i am just struggling so much 
15
Posts: 1190
Date: 10-09-2026 19:39
Amorphous
Youtube Star



Amorphous wrote:
I have nothing substantive to say about this...but my solidarity is wholly with you; OCD is absolute hell on earth :-( 
10
Posts: 90
Date: 10-09-2026 20:10
Doll
Popstar



Doll wrote:
Amorphous wrote:
I have nothing substantive to say about this...but my solidarity is wholly with you; OCD is absolute hell on earth :-( 
thank you so much, being understood is much bigger help than you think :c <3
15
Posts: 1190
Date: 10-09-2026 21:03
Private
International Star



meilin wrote:
Doll wrote:
meilin wrote:
awshh i was in this situation just a while ago and made a topic on here ): met a lovely guy at the summer course i was at and after hanging out together on/off for a week started getting feelings for him that made me feel absolutely terrible about myself (obviously never told the guy or acted out). so what you fear already happened to me. it's sort of still an ongoing situation but i feel much better now that i'm not seeing him each day anymore and he might not even like me back. some time away definitely weakened the situation.

would it help you to think that if this unlikely situation happens to you that most likely nothing will happen? the person won't act out on those feelings (and if they do, they are most likely not suited for a relationship anyway and presumably your feelings [if present] disappear) and if you get feelings, the person knows you are in a relationship anyway so you're in the friendzone?

i think getting new friends is definitely scary though and it can resemble getting a crush on someone, if you haven't been social for a long time. but i feel like those feelings will weaken as you interact perhaps more sparsely and for a longer time?
i saw your post actually and i wanted to comment but then since it is something that i feel so strongly about and confuses me so much i didn't know what to say exactly :C 

i am glad you are doing better now though and hopefully you dont see that guy again so you dont get confused and feel bad again! <3 

the problem with me is that it puts me in so much distress that i could even be capable to begin with to develop a crush on someone else like i cannot find it in myself to just accept that that happens. and then on top of that ocd also fires back with a "what if you act on it and can't control it if you do have a crush?" and i just spiral badly and like earlier i ended up blocking the person before even developping the crush that i could have probably also never developped. 

i am tired because it is becoming so exhausting and i do not want to lose my boyfriend over this but i don't know what to do. my brother made a new friend recently and i have not met him even when he has come to our house i lock myself inside because i do not want to see his face because what if i find him cute. i am just struggling so much 
oh that's totally valid!! i also sometimes don't know what to say 

i think you can reasonably conclude though that even if the OCD makes this all seem absolutely terrible, you have always been honest with your bf in these topics (like when you zoomed in in that photo) and this time you even blocked the person because of you could possibly maybe have a crush them. even if it feels so terrible and close, i doubt that you would be the kind of person to cheat. not physically and definitely not emotionally either. there is so much evidence stacked against that.

i get that it must feel absolutely terrible thought and the what if s can be very haunting, precisely because they are hypotheticals and there is so much uncertainty attached to them. you know yourself now, but you don't necessarily know your future self or how situations may distort your judgement. but if the future you is even remotely like you, i think it would take a lot to even get close enough to someone to cheat. i think there would be plenty of moments of "oh this is not entirely right" and knowing what you have written on vp, i'd be inclined to think that you would tell your bf.

developing a crush (even if you never act on it) is something i don't feel fully capable of giving advice on though. partly because i went through that myself and even if people tell you it's "just" a crush, it doesn't make it feel right in the head.

do you have any types of people you would almost certainly not feel attracted to? would it make sense to "practice" making friends with those types of people? maybe then the platonic friendship feelings would trigger less of the "what if this is a crush" thing and they would feel more tolerable? i think you deserve to have some friends in your life
18
Posts: 13859
Date: 10-09-2026 21:45
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