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Solar wrote:
i need some advice i think so i thought id ask here, very long story sryy
so the last two weeks i havent been doing great bc of adhd meds that were upped in dosage
ive had a lot of severe anxiety and panic, and my body has ben very tense and ive been hyperventilating often
ive kept my two best friends informed about this bc ive been very offgrid these weeks and had to cancel a few plans as well.
then two days ago was easily the worst mental health day i've had in a long time, i was severely anxious and overthinking for the whole day n have had multiple full blown panic attacks in the evening.
but we had a halloween party n i really wanted to go + see my friends bc ive had to cancel a few times already right. also - this is a completely separate thing hh but - my bf wanted to go very badly and did not offer to stay home w me and i didnt want to be home alone bc i was feeling pretty suicidal (like not actually truly, but a lot of spiralling thoughts which are not nice to have when ur alone). so i went, it took at least an hour to get ready while still crying n shaking but yaknow... got there in the end.
at this party one of my friends was very very drunk, normally hes like the sweetest man but now he was very idk like aggressive in a friendly way ? very in my face, saying unpredictable stuff, idk a kind of energy that i could NOT handle that night. i kind of steered clear of him the whole evening
the party was at the clurb so bad setting to be in when feeling very emotionally unstable but ok i was there, it was not a great time, i had to try really hard not think about or feel the anxiety n almost had a panic attack again on the dancefloor. so i was like, whatever i tried, i gotta get back home.
so we wanted to go home but still had a few things in my friends house, bc if all went well we were going to sleep over there. so we needed her keys and were planning to bring them back again, but then the super drunk friend said he wanted to go home too and walk w us. this was horrible for me bc i needed to get out of there asap and i knew he was going to have a terrible energy that i could lowk not deal with, but my bf was doing fine n he said it was fine so i dumped that task on bf and kept mostly quiet while walking back. we did promise to wait for the drunk friend so we could make sure he locked the house.
at my friends place we grabbed our stuff n were ready to go but drunk friend had lost his fucking keys omg. so we help look for them, they're nowhere to be found, i get more n more anxious and at this point at least 45 mins has passed since we left the club.
drunk friend doesnt seem very drunk anymore, hes focused on finding his keys and says to us; u guys can leave, im just going to continue looking and you don't have to wait for me. i know we promised to wait so we knew the door was locked so at first i refused despite feeling horrible at this point lol but when it took another idk 10 mins i was like ok i cant do this anymore i need to LEAVE so we did end up leaving.
now my two best friends are angry at me/us bc apparently drunk friend did not return to the party, he had fallen asleep in my friends house but hadn't told anyone he wasn't coming back, so they were super worried. they're angry that we left him there and that we didn't look out for him. they're now saying they also think its bad that we weren't going to walk him back but only send him on his way, bc they thought he was too drunk to walk back on his own
and like, i kind of get it bc i also felt pretty weird abt the whole arrangement, i would've not trusted that guy with my house keys n thought it was weird that everyone seemed to be okay w him walking back on his own. but i just needed to leave that club lol so i wasnt going to ask any questions or whatever. everyone there knew i was not okay and that i was leaving because i was too anxious. i feel like its super weird to expect someone who's clearly not doing okay mentally to take care of a drunk person? if you want to make sure he comes back and doesn't get lost on his own or something, maybe don't send him back to your house or have someone who's coming back join right..?
but they're mad and want to have a serious talk abt it, and i already explained that i was doing very bad, so obviously they dont agree w me. so yea i just wanted to ask is my train of thought very wrong and should i just have sucked it up more? like u rly do not have to coddle me here pls tell me what u rly think hh
tldr; i had the shittiest mental health night ive had in a long time halloween night, still went to a club, was way too anxious to stay and left for my friends house to pick up stuff and then go home, drunk friend tagged along bc he wanted to go home as well and had to pick up stuff from friends house too. there he lost his keys, we waited like 45 mins w him but then decided to go home bc i was too anxious n lowk tripping. now friends are mad that we left him at the house bc he fell asleep there and didnt return the house keys to friends at the club
i need some advice i think so i thought id ask here, very long story sryy
so the last two weeks i havent been doing great bc of adhd meds that were upped in dosage
ive had a lot of severe anxiety and panic, and my body has ben very tense and ive been hyperventilating often
ive kept my two best friends informed about this bc ive been very offgrid these weeks and had to cancel a few plans as well.
then two days ago was easily the worst mental health day i've had in a long time, i was severely anxious and overthinking for the whole day n have had multiple full blown panic attacks in the evening.
but we had a halloween party n i really wanted to go + see my friends bc ive had to cancel a few times already right. also - this is a completely separate thing hh but - my bf wanted to go very badly and did not offer to stay home w me and i didnt want to be home alone bc i was feeling pretty suicidal (like not actually truly, but a lot of spiralling thoughts which are not nice to have when ur alone). so i went, it took at least an hour to get ready while still crying n shaking but yaknow... got there in the end.
at this party one of my friends was very very drunk, normally hes like the sweetest man but now he was very idk like aggressive in a friendly way ? very in my face, saying unpredictable stuff, idk a kind of energy that i could NOT handle that night. i kind of steered clear of him the whole evening
the party was at the clurb so bad setting to be in when feeling very emotionally unstable but ok i was there, it was not a great time, i had to try really hard not think about or feel the anxiety n almost had a panic attack again on the dancefloor. so i was like, whatever i tried, i gotta get back home.
so we wanted to go home but still had a few things in my friends house, bc if all went well we were going to sleep over there. so we needed her keys and were planning to bring them back again, but then the super drunk friend said he wanted to go home too and walk w us. this was horrible for me bc i needed to get out of there asap and i knew he was going to have a terrible energy that i could lowk not deal with, but my bf was doing fine n he said it was fine so i dumped that task on bf and kept mostly quiet while walking back. we did promise to wait for the drunk friend so we could make sure he locked the house.
at my friends place we grabbed our stuff n were ready to go but drunk friend had lost his fucking keys omg. so we help look for them, they're nowhere to be found, i get more n more anxious and at this point at least 45 mins has passed since we left the club.
drunk friend doesnt seem very drunk anymore, hes focused on finding his keys and says to us; u guys can leave, im just going to continue looking and you don't have to wait for me. i know we promised to wait so we knew the door was locked so at first i refused despite feeling horrible at this point lol but when it took another idk 10 mins i was like ok i cant do this anymore i need to LEAVE so we did end up leaving.
now my two best friends are angry at me/us bc apparently drunk friend did not return to the party, he had fallen asleep in my friends house but hadn't told anyone he wasn't coming back, so they were super worried. they're angry that we left him there and that we didn't look out for him. they're now saying they also think its bad that we weren't going to walk him back but only send him on his way, bc they thought he was too drunk to walk back on his own
and like, i kind of get it bc i also felt pretty weird abt the whole arrangement, i would've not trusted that guy with my house keys n thought it was weird that everyone seemed to be okay w him walking back on his own. but i just needed to leave that club lol so i wasnt going to ask any questions or whatever. everyone there knew i was not okay and that i was leaving because i was too anxious. i feel like its super weird to expect someone who's clearly not doing okay mentally to take care of a drunk person? if you want to make sure he comes back and doesn't get lost on his own or something, maybe don't send him back to your house or have someone who's coming back join right..?
but they're mad and want to have a serious talk abt it, and i already explained that i was doing very bad, so obviously they dont agree w me. so yea i just wanted to ask is my train of thought very wrong and should i just have sucked it up more? like u rly do not have to coddle me here pls tell me what u rly think hh
tldr; i had the shittiest mental health night ive had in a long time halloween night, still went to a club, was way too anxious to stay and left for my friends house to pick up stuff and then go home, drunk friend tagged along bc he wanted to go home as well and had to pick up stuff from friends house too. there he lost his keys, we waited like 45 mins w him but then decided to go home bc i was too anxious n lowk tripping. now friends are mad that we left him at the house bc he fell asleep there and didnt return the house keys to friends at the club
19
But I get why your friends maybe don't get why it was so hard for you then. Have they seen you have panic attacks or like... is it something they just know about from you telling them? Cause' obvs if you were sober people expect a pretty high amount of responsibility even if you have anxiety. 
