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Limbs wrote:
the last time was my grandpa (on my mom's side) about a year and a half ago. i didn't feel much when he passed and maybe that makes me a bad person but i honestly think i grieved him in advance, in a way? we found out about a year before he died that he & my grandma were both declining and might die soon. i dealt with a lot of grief over it around that time but then i kinda moved on. my grandpa and grandma both weren't really themselves anymore so i felt like i already lost them even though they were still alive, yknow. (my grandpa had alzheimer's and my grandma has some kind of dementia as well)
it was so difficult when i lost my mom. that happened when i was 13. i knew it was coming since she had been battling cancer for years and she told us she was dying a couple months before she passed. it completely wrecked me but i didn't know how to deal with the grief so i just pretended everything was fine. years after that i was still dealing with grief and had thoughts about wanting to die so i could be with my mom etc. when mom died it felt like everything just crumbled under me and like... there was nothing left, nothing. cuz she was everything to me. and like, because she had cancer for many years and was very sick at times, a lot of our lives revolved around her cancer, tbh. and i felt like we were living in a crisis for many years. so i kinda didn't think much about my own life & future, then when she passed i just felt like there was nothing left. my mom and dad had separated when i was around 6 and i grew up mostly with my mom as a single parent (spent weekends at my dad's sometimes, i think). so after she died me & my brother went to live with my dad, and that was just kinda difficult for me because he had a new wife and i felt like i wasn't welcome in his family, and he'd never "been there" for us during the years of mom having cancer, etc.
the last time was my grandpa (on my mom's side) about a year and a half ago. i didn't feel much when he passed and maybe that makes me a bad person but i honestly think i grieved him in advance, in a way? we found out about a year before he died that he & my grandma were both declining and might die soon. i dealt with a lot of grief over it around that time but then i kinda moved on. my grandpa and grandma both weren't really themselves anymore so i felt like i already lost them even though they were still alive, yknow. (my grandpa had alzheimer's and my grandma has some kind of dementia as well)
it was so difficult when i lost my mom. that happened when i was 13. i knew it was coming since she had been battling cancer for years and she told us she was dying a couple months before she passed. it completely wrecked me but i didn't know how to deal with the grief so i just pretended everything was fine. years after that i was still dealing with grief and had thoughts about wanting to die so i could be with my mom etc. when mom died it felt like everything just crumbled under me and like... there was nothing left, nothing. cuz she was everything to me. and like, because she had cancer for many years and was very sick at times, a lot of our lives revolved around her cancer, tbh. and i felt like we were living in a crisis for many years. so i kinda didn't think much about my own life & future, then when she passed i just felt like there was nothing left. my mom and dad had separated when i was around 6 and i grew up mostly with my mom as a single parent (spent weekends at my dad's sometimes, i think). so after she died me & my brother went to live with my dad, and that was just kinda difficult for me because he had a new wife and i felt like i wasn't welcome in his family, and he'd never "been there" for us during the years of mom having cancer, etc.
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