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limbs' nest
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Limbs wrote:
already freakin out about when i have to go back next :- (
it's like. ha you thought you'd got away but u haven't actually bc u still have to go back there n nothing will ever change!
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 25-06-2019 01:43
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Limbs wrote:
i keep thinking maybe i do have cancer and like imagining that my chest is just one big tumor inside n then crying hopelessly bc that's what it feels like emotionally n that's what i'm scared of. being rotten & bad inside. n like i'm trying to get better but it feels like theres this metaphorical cancer in me that i can't fix n it feels like it's gonna slowly destroy me til i'm dead.
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 07-07-2019 16:29
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Limbs wrote:


i wanna be ten feet tall
i wanna grow big red horns
fingers covered in thorns that pierce everything
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 19-07-2019 00:14
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Limbs wrote:
i've decided i'm not gonna go home again for a while until i've built up some resilience & can handle it so it wont fucking annihilate my mental health again

i haven't been having much contact with them either & it's such a relief. i feel so much more stable
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 19-07-2019 00:34 | Times changed: 1
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Hazelnut wrote:
Limbs wrote:
i don't understand why i'm reacting this strongly
like my brain is pretending i went through something terrible when actually it was nothing and everything was normal and fine and i'm just a stupid faking bitch

anyway i'm going home today & i've been dissociating for a week already and been in physical pain for days & i feel like i might vomit and my brain feels like it's yelling "run!!! escape get off the bus now stop it!!!!" and hysterically crying for like no reason lmao what an idiot??
First sentencess Trauma trauma not pretending

Relatable the 2nd atmm though
21
Posts: 9511
Date: 23-07-2019 00:57
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Limbs wrote:
desruct wrote:
Limbs wrote:
i don't understand why i'm reacting this strongly
like my brain is pretending i went through something terrible when actually it was nothing and everything was normal and fine and i'm just a stupid faking bitch

anyway i'm going home today & i've been dissociating for a week already and been in physical pain for days & i feel like i might vomit and my brain feels like it's yelling "run!!! escape get off the bus now stop it!!!!" and hysterically crying for like no reason lmao what an idiot??
First sentencess Trauma trauma not pretending

Relatable the 2nd atmm though
i'm sorry that that's relatable for you rn : ( thank u for the validation
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 23-07-2019 02:29
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Limbs wrote:
also i'm thinking i'm gonna try to just like Properly pull away from my dad For Good and then maybe, maybe he will freak out about losing me & actually change his behavior and reach out / try to get me back

wishful thinking but it's worth trying i guess
i'm so tired of trying to reach him and trying to come close and be open & vulnerable to get him to care about me. it doesn't work. i'm done with it lol like i can't do it anymore. if he wants to stay in his stupid shell and lose his daughter, fine, let him do it then. 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 14-08-2019 02:05
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Limbs wrote:
i'm such a weak little shit hhhdaagvkrajwdkgkydstig
i called my dad the other day and asked if i should come visit before uni starts, n he reminded me it's also my little brother's birthday in a few weeks so now i feel like i'm obligated to go but they don't actually want me there and like us being a family is just this weird uncomfortable pretend thing

idk they probably just wish i would die right
i dont think my little brother misses me anymore either n they would all just be so happy if i stopped existing. i don't want to die rn though i'm just thinking abt how much they hate me
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 21-08-2019 23:32
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Limbs wrote:
u ever wanna chop off ur arms
chop chop
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 22-08-2019 19:28
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Limbs wrote:
bruh i'm fucking losing it 😃😃
3 more days until psych nurse appt!! what do you think are the odds that i'll fuck up my entire life before that bc it seems very possible right now ha ha. i made it 2 weeks with very little crazy tho it's just this last week i've been really unraveling 🤪🤪🤣
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 23-08-2019 15:41
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Limbs wrote:
hi i got those fridge poetry magnets and i really like them here look at these
sorry they're in finnish



16
Posts: 9825
Date: 24-08-2019 23:43 | Times changed: 2
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Limbs wrote:
psych nurse: "you're not alone. i'm here for you. i won't abandon you" 
psych nurse: "so anyway your next appointment is in 4 weeks bye"
me: *believes her every time*
me: *gets devastated every time she can't see me again*

on another note, y'all ever feeling so desperate & hopeless because of The Situation that you get suicidal even though you're not even depressed? yeah. 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 28-08-2019 01:07
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Limbs wrote:
ooohhhh yum first panic attack of the day has reached the 1 hour mark and still going strong! no end in sight! wonderful
it's not like i have like things i need to DO today other than lay in bed terrified & shaking!  hehe

but for ur information, no i am not just sitting here doing nothing, i also tried to eat breakfast (while having a panic attack) and blow dried my hair (while having a panic attack) but going outside is something i'd rather not do (while having a panic attack) because it's frowned upon to act mentally ill in public
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 01-09-2019 12:17
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Limbs wrote:
yo i'm like semi officially not depressed now
not super officially bc i don't have my psychiatrist's confirmation yet But my psych nurse told me she agrees that i don't seem to be depressed

this is like kind of a big deal??? bc i was depressed for legit like 6 years straight....... and now i'm not! time for celebration i think
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 03-09-2019 15:31
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Ahria wrote:
Limbs wrote:
yo i'm like semi officially not depressed now
not super officially bc i don't have my psychiatrist's confirmation yet But my psych nurse told me she agrees that i don't seem to be depressed

this is like kind of a big deal??? bc i was depressed for legit like 6 years straight....... and now i'm not! time for celebration i think
More than kind of

this is awesome!

i could see the clues to your healing and improvement in some of your responses before I can’t wait for this to  be official
19
Posts: 16681
Date: 03-09-2019 15:34 | Times changed: 1
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