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limbs' nest
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Limbs wrote:
guess who's a dreadful piece of shit failure mistake & life ruiner of a person! it's me! i do everything wrong all the time and can't stop fucking up and ruining other people's lives even when i'm asleep! literally my existence is only a negative impact on this world! i do nothing good & bring nothing good to anyone! i onlt ruin lives like i'm nothing but rot & poison & mold inside! the only thing i deserve is to be stabbed over and over and over and over until i'm nothing but mush and a long painful death! good night
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 05-10-2020 20:52
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Limbs wrote:
mfw i ask to be put on SSRIs to semi-purposefully give myself sexual dysfunction as an act of self destruction but the psychiatrist prescribes me the medicine/drug from this song instead
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 06-10-2020 12:35
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Limbs wrote:
i'm having so little pain lyrica is crazy
like my joints don't hurt AT ALL?? none of them??!? what the fuck! only thing that hurts is my back because of sleeping weird but otherwise my whole body is pain free. wtf!! can't remember feeling like this a single day in at least the past 2 years. crazy
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 07-10-2020 13:41
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Limbs wrote:
cannot stop crying n bf is coming in 2 hours i'm gonna look so stupid with swollen eyes
i'm so so tired i only slept like 3 hours n bf gets here at 1am so we won't get to sleep until like 2am at the very earliest n i'm so tired so tired. every single thing has gone wrong today my bed is broken so i had to go get that new (old) bed and carry it up 2 floors on my own and it's not even good it's terrible and gross and i hate it and everything's bad, my home exam is due this week and idk how i'm gonna find the time to do all of it and i already know bf is gonna get all hurt and martyr-like if i have to study while he's here and i'm still on my period and having period pain and i'm so fucking tired i've spent all day running to the doctor and back home to class and to get a new bed and then cleaning and crying from period pain and crying from being a fucking failure and i've only slept 3 hours i'm so tired. also i desperately want a coke zero i didn't get to go to the store or more like i could have gone but i was sitting on the floor crying and being useless so i didn't n now everything's terrible
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 12-10-2020 22:27
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Limbs wrote:
oh lol so apparently today was my last appointment with the psych nurse? she still didn't know if they're giving me a new nurse or or they're moving me to the healthcare center or if i'm being kicked out of treatment completely.... i talked to her about the flashbacks and stuff and she was like "yes that's something you would get help for in trauma treatment but we don't have the resources to give you that and i don't have knowledge in that". so that's helpful lol. then at the end of the appointment she told me "treatment has a beginning and an end and you can't stay in treatment for years" so. ok

at least i'm gonna see the psychiatrist one more time and he's supposed to decide what they do with me or whatever
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 21-10-2020 10:32
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Limbs wrote:
god be like: *sees me having depression and chronic suicidal thoughts* *gives me a condition called the suicide disease*
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 30-10-2020 03:40
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Limbs wrote:
tw

wow i really am a piece of shit getting an expensive ass MRI even though i (hopefully) will kill myself in the next two months lmao......... like could i be any more selfish and evil i don't think so? but ofc i can't leave this earth without doing every possible thing to make it even worse bc that's the kind of evil i am <3<3<3
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 20-11-2020 06:24
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Limbs wrote:
eating w trigeminal neuralgia is like *eat one bite* *wait an hour so the pain triggered by eating is lessened enough that u can stand to take another bite* *eat one bite* *wait an hour so the pain triggered by eating is lessened enough that u can stand to take another bite* *eat one bite* *wait an hour so the pai
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 22-11-2020 18:18
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Limbs wrote:
weird
i have memories of crawling under the bed to feel safe or something when i was younger. n i still get the urge to do so when i'm anxious so i think i did it quite often. but it doesn't fit with any of the beds i remember? i don't think so anyway? i mean i don't remember my bed or my room from 2 of the houses i've lived in so maybe it was one of those. idk. i remember my mom telling me to get out from under the bed one time because it was dusty in there but idk where or when that happened? at all. just feels strange
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 11-12-2020 01:42
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Limbs wrote:
me: *plans one (1) thing for the future, not even for tomorrow but 3+ days from now*

my brain: i see. time to not go to sleep because you're so anxious about tomorrow and the things you might have to do tomorrow in preparation for the Thing and the Thinking you will have to do about the Thing. instead we will stay awake until 6 am and sleep through the whole day so we will not have to deal with any of that stuff
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 12-12-2020 04:59
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Limbs wrote:
me chewing food on the side of my TN: is this okay?
my trigeminal nerve: 🙂👍
me: u sure?
my trigeminal nerve: yea
me: ok cool
[5 minutes after eating]
my trigeminal nerve: NOOOO WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!!?! 😭😭😭 i'm dying i'm burning alive what did you do!!!! AAAAAaAA 🤕😭💀 i hate you 😓
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 04-01-2021 17:15
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Limbs wrote:
i think my pain tolerance has gotten better in the last couple months though
like level 7-8 pain doesn't make feel completely hopeless and very distressed anymore it's just like ok this sucks but i'll make it through. i don't think the intensity of pain has changed, it's just not as emotionally difficult anymore maybe. not sure if it's a bad thing that i'm getting used to having a lot of pain or a good thing because i'm like coping better
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 04-01-2021 18:48
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Limbs wrote:
Limbs wrote:
i think my pain tolerance has gotten better in the last couple months though
like level 7-8 pain doesn't make feel completely hopeless and very distressed anymore it's just like ok this sucks but i'll make it through. i don't think the intensity of pain has changed, it's just not as emotionally difficult anymore maybe. not sure if it's a bad thing that i'm getting used to having a lot of pain or a good thing because i'm like coping better
i take it back lol
god i'm actually so sad that the MRI didn't show a compression. like brain surgery is scary yea but if it gets rid of the pain i want brain surgery. cuz what if the meds don't help. they might not. i've heard from people in the US that the MRI actually might not show a compression even if you have one and that is almost worse knowing i might have one and the surgery would help but i'm never gonna get it because the MRI didn't show anything.
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 04-01-2021 19:56
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Limbs wrote:
tw the unalive

wow wow look at me talking myself out of the argument that i can't kill myself now because my grandma just died. my brain is so talented very impressive!! in fact i managed to turn it around so i think i actually ethically Should kill myself now, quickly before they give out the inheritance, because i have a shit ton of debt and i'm never going to get better. so if i get my part of the inheritance it will just go to paying off my debts and my life will still be miserable and hopeless forever. but if i kill myself now, then my brother and sister will get my part of my grandma's inheritance and they can actually have happier lives with that money. and they deserve it, whereas i've fucked up my finances out of my own stupidity. and even if this got rid of my debt my life would still always be a waste and a worthless thing so the money would be wasted for nothing.
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 12-01-2021 07:04
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Limbs wrote:
tw

not me actually calling the crisis center bc suicidal and not being able to make a single point on the phone bc too dissociated to formulate thoughts

also too many people and everyone only having fragments of thoughts and then immediately forget and confusion don't know what we were talking about

i think i'm making this up
panicking somehow idk i don't feel safe

at least the new meds aren't too bad, it's just that if you take a lot of them that might be harmful and.. well. i'm not going to do that but there's thoughts

i want to go in the hospital or some parts do bc we need help but real world responsibilities
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 06-02-2021 02:34 | Times changed: 1
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