i lost the greatest love - Forum

Private
World Famous

bee wrote:
i have ever experienced in my life

all because of my own mental health

i hurt him and now he hates me

what exactly am i supposed to do with myself now?

this is the worst pain i have ever felt

Private
International Star

meilin wrote:
do you want to share what happened? maybe it's not as hopeless as it seems right now?<3

Private
World Famous

bee wrote:

meilin wrote:
do you want to share what happened? maybe it's not as hopeless as it seems right now?<3

oh my god it is all such a long story. summed up my mental health has been poor for a while now and this weekend one small incident lead to my complete derailing. i became delusional, not the "delulu" kind of way, actually delusional thinking the whole world was against me. most likely had a psychotic break, slept ten hours in three days and started hearing things. i said some very hurtful things to the guy i love and reacted completely out of character. he had enough. its not the first time i have been delusional and out of my mind. i have been completely unreliable and unfair to him. i understand why he was done now. been trying to meet with him so we could have a real conversation about what happened, but he called me ten times and i ignored him so he said i lost my chance. understandably. he became a little nasty in his words too but it was clear how much i had hurt him. all day i have been texting him, not trying to make excuses but trying to explain what happened in my head and why i reacted so gruesome. he was also convinced i never truly love him and as that is as far from the truth as anything could be i have been trying to make him understand the true intense raw and real love i feel for him. losing him now has hurt more than anything before but i understand why it has to be this way. what is killing me most is if he never understands how much i love him and his beautiful soul. he told me to stop texting him and i said he would have to block me then because i would never be able to stop thinking about him and control myself to not text him again. he said ok and i thought he blocked me. i thought it was all over. but he never blocked me and a few hours later he texted me again. we talked a little back and forth of nonsense until he said. he would forgive me if i bring pizza and fanta.
conclusion? i think we are both fucking insane

Doll
Popstar

Doll wrote:

bee wrote:

meilin wrote:
do you want to share what happened? maybe it's not as hopeless as it seems right now?<3

oh my god it is all such a long story. summed up my mental health has been poor for a while now and this weekend one small incident lead to my complete derailing. i became delusional, not the "delulu" kind of way, actually delusional thinking the whole world was against me. most likely had a psychotic break, slept ten hours in three days and started hearing things. i said some very hurtful things to the guy i love and reacted completely out of character. he had enough. its not the first time i have been delusional and out of my mind. i have been completely unreliable and unfair to him. i understand why he was done now. been trying to meet with him so we could have a real conversation about what happened, but he called me ten times and i ignored him so he said i lost my chance. understandably. he became a little nasty in his words too but it was clear how much i had hurt him. all day i have been texting him, not trying to make excuses but trying to explain what happened in my head and why i reacted so gruesome. he was also convinced i never truly love him and as that is as far from the truth as anything could be i have been trying to make him understand the true intense raw and real love i feel for him. losing him now has hurt more than anything before but i understand why it has to be this way. what is killing me most is if he never understands how much i love him and his beautiful soul. he told me to stop texting him and i said he would have to block me then because i would never be able to stop thinking about him and control myself to not text him again. he said ok and i thought he blocked me. i thought it was all over. but he never blocked me and a few hours later he texted me again. we talked a little back and forth of nonsense until he said. he would forgive me if i bring pizza and fanta.
conclusion? i think we are both fucking insane

bring pizza and fanta immediately... run to get pizza and fanta actually

Private
World Famous

bee wrote:

Doll wrote:

bee wrote:

meilin wrote:
do you want to share what happened? maybe it's not as hopeless as it seems right now?<3

oh my god it is all such a long story. summed up my mental health has been poor for a while now and this weekend one small incident lead to my complete derailing. i became delusional, not the "delulu" kind of way, actually delusional thinking the whole world was against me. most likely had a psychotic break, slept ten hours in three days and started hearing things. i said some very hurtful things to the guy i love and reacted completely out of character. he had enough. its not the first time i have been delusional and out of my mind. i have been completely unreliable and unfair to him. i understand why he was done now. been trying to meet with him so we could have a real conversation about what happened, but he called me ten times and i ignored him so he said i lost my chance. understandably. he became a little nasty in his words too but it was clear how much i had hurt him. all day i have been texting him, not trying to make excuses but trying to explain what happened in my head and why i reacted so gruesome. he was also convinced i never truly love him and as that is as far from the truth as anything could be i have been trying to make him understand the true intense raw and real love i feel for him. losing him now has hurt more than anything before but i understand why it has to be this way. what is killing me most is if he never understands how much i love him and his beautiful soul. he told me to stop texting him and i said he would have to block me then because i would never be able to stop thinking about him and control myself to not text him again. he said ok and i thought he blocked me. i thought it was all over. but he never blocked me and a few hours later he texted me again. we talked a little back and forth of nonsense until he said. he would forgive me if i bring pizza and fanta.
conclusion? i think we are both fucking insane

bring pizza and fanta immediately... run to get pizza and fanta actually

yeah hello if i did not have my first day at a new work tomorrow and desperately need to sleep asap i would already be on my way. im not entirely sure if he is actually sober or what is going on, so i told him if he still feel like this tomorrow i will bring pizza and fanta after work

Doll
Popstar

Doll wrote:

bee wrote:

Doll wrote:

bee wrote:
oh my god it is all such a long story. summed up my mental health has been poor for a while now and this weekend one small incident lead to my complete derailing. i became delusional, not the "delulu" kind of way, actually delusional thinking the whole world was against me. most likely had a psychotic break, slept ten hours in three days and started hearing things. i said some very hurtful things to the guy i love and reacted completely out of character. he had enough. its not the first time i have been delusional and out of my mind. i have been completely unreliable and unfair to him. i understand why he was done now. been trying to meet with him so we could have a real conversation about what happened, but he called me ten times and i ignored him so he said i lost my chance. understandably. he became a little nasty in his words too but it was clear how much i had hurt him. all day i have been texting him, not trying to make excuses but trying to explain what happened in my head and why i reacted so gruesome. he was also convinced i never truly love him and as that is as far from the truth as anything could be i have been trying to make him understand the true intense raw and real love i feel for him. losing him now has hurt more than anything before but i understand why it has to be this way. what is killing me most is if he never understands how much i love him and his beautiful soul. he told me to stop texting him and i said he would have to block me then because i would never be able to stop thinking about him and control myself to not text him again. he said ok and i thought he blocked me. i thought it was all over. but he never blocked me and a few hours later he texted me again. we talked a little back and forth of nonsense until he said. he would forgive me if i bring pizza and fanta.
conclusion? i think we are both fucking insane

bring pizza and fanta immediately... run to get pizza and fanta actually

yeah hello if i did not have my first day at a new work tomorrow and desperately need to sleep asap i would already be on my way. im not entirely sure if he is actually sober or what is going on, so i told him if he still feel like this tomorrow i will bring pizza and fanta after work

okay this is actually the responsible thing to do, i got a little too carried away for you 😭 i am wishing you the best

Private
World Famous

bee wrote:

Doll wrote:

bee wrote:

Doll wrote:
bring pizza and fanta immediately... run to get pizza and fanta actually

yeah hello if i did not have my first day at a new work tomorrow and desperately need to sleep asap i would already be on my way. im not entirely sure if he is actually sober or what is going on, so i told him if he still feel like this tomorrow i will bring pizza and fanta after work

okay this is actually the responsible thing to do, i got a little too carried away for you 😭 i am wishing you the best

thank you!! i am trying my best :')

Lux
Youtube Star

Lux wrote:

bee wrote:

meilin wrote:
do you want to share what happened? maybe it's not as hopeless as it seems right now?<3

oh my god it is all such a long story. summed up my mental health has been poor for a while now and this weekend one small incident lead to my complete derailing. i became delusional, not the "delulu" kind of way, actually delusional thinking the whole world was against me. most likely had a psychotic break, slept ten hours in three days and started hearing things. i said some very hurtful things to the guy i love and reacted completely out of character. he had enough. its not the first time i have been delusional and out of my mind. i have been completely unreliable and unfair to him. i understand why he was done now. been trying to meet with him so we could have a real conversation about what happened, but he called me ten times and i ignored him so he said i lost my chance. understandably. he became a little nasty in his words too but it was clear how much i had hurt him. all day i have been texting him, not trying to make excuses but trying to explain what happened in my head and why i reacted so gruesome. he was also convinced i never truly love him and as that is as far from the truth as anything could be i have been trying to make him understand the true intense raw and real love i feel for him. losing him now has hurt more than anything before but i understand why it has to be this way. what is killing me most is if he never understands how much i love him and his beautiful soul. he told me to stop texting him and i said he would have to block me then because i would never be able to stop thinking about him and control myself to not text him again. he said ok and i thought he blocked me. i thought it was all over. but he never blocked me and a few hours later he texted me again. we talked a little back and forth of nonsense until he said. he would forgive me if i bring pizza and fanta.
conclusion? i think we are both fucking insane

I understand you love this person but please do not blame yourself for being in a bad place and take good care of yourself. It'd be good to talk about these things with him in depth (in general) so it'd help him understand certain reactions or triggers in case you have some, so he can also react accordingly and possibly reassure you in the future.

If you have a specific diagnosis/"symptoms" he has the possibility to study the topic a little bit and it makes the communication a little easier.

Hope you're okay. <3

Private
World Famous

bee wrote:

Lux wrote:

bee wrote:

meilin wrote:
do you want to share what happened? maybe it's not as hopeless as it seems right now?<3

oh my god it is all such a long story. summed up my mental health has been poor for a while now and this weekend one small incident lead to my complete derailing. i became delusional, not the "delulu" kind of way, actually delusional thinking the whole world was against me. most likely had a psychotic break, slept ten hours in three days and started hearing things. i said some very hurtful things to the guy i love and reacted completely out of character. he had enough. its not the first time i have been delusional and out of my mind. i have been completely unreliable and unfair to him. i understand why he was done now. been trying to meet with him so we could have a real conversation about what happened, but he called me ten times and i ignored him so he said i lost my chance. understandably. he became a little nasty in his words too but it was clear how much i had hurt him. all day i have been texting him, not trying to make excuses but trying to explain what happened in my head and why i reacted so gruesome. he was also convinced i never truly love him and as that is as far from the truth as anything could be i have been trying to make him understand the true intense raw and real love i feel for him. losing him now has hurt more than anything before but i understand why it has to be this way. what is killing me most is if he never understands how much i love him and his beautiful soul. he told me to stop texting him and i said he would have to block me then because i would never be able to stop thinking about him and control myself to not text him again. he said ok and i thought he blocked me. i thought it was all over. but he never blocked me and a few hours later he texted me again. we talked a little back and forth of nonsense until he said. he would forgive me if i bring pizza and fanta.
conclusion? i think we are both fucking insane

I understand you love this person but please do not blame yourself for being in a bad place and take good care of yourself. It'd be good to talk about these things with him in depth (in general) so it'd help him understand certain reactions or triggers in case you have some, so he can also react accordingly and possibly reassure you in the future.

If you have a specific diagnosis/"symptoms" he has the possibility to study the topic a little bit and it makes the communication a little easier.

Hope you're okay. <3

absolutely we need to talk about all of this in depth. i have thought about the things i need from him, reassuring, better communication etc., and if he is willing to make that effort, then i would like to hear what he needs from me and do the same. i plan to do this over pizza and fanta

i dont have a specific diagnosis or confirmation of my symptoms. all of this has been very scary and overwhelming for me and i will be seeking professional help asap

Private
International Star

meilin wrote:

bee wrote:

meilin wrote:
do you want to share what happened? maybe it's not as hopeless as it seems right now?<3

oh my god it is all such a long story. summed up my mental health has been poor for a while now and this weekend one small incident lead to my complete derailing. i became delusional, not the "delulu" kind of way, actually delusional thinking the whole world was against me. most likely had a psychotic break, slept ten hours in three days and started hearing things. i said some very hurtful things to the guy i love and reacted completely out of character. he had enough. its not the first time i have been delusional and out of my mind. i have been completely unreliable and unfair to him. i understand why he was done now. been trying to meet with him so we could have a real conversation about what happened, but he called me ten times and i ignored him so he said i lost my chance. understandably. he became a little nasty in his words too but it was clear how much i had hurt him. all day i have been texting him, not trying to make excuses but trying to explain what happened in my head and why i reacted so gruesome. he was also convinced i never truly love him and as that is as far from the truth as anything could be i have been trying to make him understand the true intense raw and real love i feel for him. losing him now has hurt more than anything before but i understand why it has to be this way. what is killing me most is if he never understands how much i love him and his beautiful soul. he told me to stop texting him and i said he would have to block me then because i would never be able to stop thinking about him and control myself to not text him again. he said ok and i thought he blocked me. i thought it was all over. but he never blocked me and a few hours later he texted me again. we talked a little back and forth of nonsense until he said. he would forgive me if i bring pizza and fanta.
conclusion? i think we are both fucking insane

that sounds like such a tough time for both of you<3 have these delusions happened before or was this the first time he got to experience them, even if he probably knew your mental health is poor? i truly hope you guys find a way to deal with this together, while waiting for you to get professional help<3 even if you said hurtful words during that delusion, i can tell you are not a malicious person

Private
World Famous

bee wrote:
got fanta and pizza and a pounding heart and a new book from a free library i passed on my way