ppl w/ friends!!! - Forum - Virtual Popstar

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World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:
(pls ignore the fact that this post is gonna sound like it was written by an alien on its first day on earth)

i need to ask u questions bc i have no friends (only possibly my ex if it goes well and this post would help with that) and i want friends!!! it'd be especially helpful if they're friends you've made as an adult, not childhood friends!

u don't have to answer all, just any u want to i guess!

how did u meet ur friends?
what do u do with ur friends?
do u like the same things?
how often do u see them face to face?
do u spend more time 1 on 1 or in groups?
and which do u prefer? why?
do u like to do mundane things with ur friends or does it have to be something exciting each time u see them?
how often do u speak to them on phone call?
over messaging?
what things do u talk about?
are there certain things that are off limits?
are u physically affectionate? why/why not?
in what ways?
how do u feel when ur friend is in a romantic relationship?
are u there for each other when things are tough?
how do u comfort each other?
do u have any issues in ur friendships?
if so, how do u solve them?
do u get jealous of other friends?

i can't think of any more pls help thank u veepee

EDIT: also if u just have any advice i'd love to hear!

Private
Popstar

bexxi wrote:
my friends are mostly friends i met online n later we met irl, when i was 19 i moved into a city together weith a friend from online and we are still besties to this day (i moved to a different city now tho, so we only meet sparodically now sad

)

now in my new city i have a tentative work friend and we sometiems play games after work but we dont meet up.

when i still lived with my uni friend back in trier we used to do literally everythign together to the point where we realized maybe we shouldnt spend 24/7 around each other and maybe we dont always have to go shopping together and do laundry together etc

Private
Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:
uni, parties, discord, online, work, via other friends
hang out, eat, party, go on trips, swim, cinema, errands and the like
i have something in common w all my friends yes but we dont like all the same things
some every week, some every month, some less frequent than that
in groups
groups, i dont like hanging out just 2 ppl im more comfortable w 3+ cause then i dont have to carry conversation all the time
i could come w my friend to the grocery store n have a blast
never, i dont call anyone other than my mom
some every day, some rarer
anything from how they day is going, things happening in their life, interests etc
i probably wouldnt talk abt my sex life w every friend of mine
i hug all my friends yes, its nice
i feel happy for them
yes
conversation, doing things for each other - really depends what exactly is going on
none i can think of , if there are issues we talk it out
in what way? i sometimes feel jealousy towards some of my friends' friends if they do something fun im not invited to yes

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:

bexxi wrote:
my friends are mostly friends i met online n later we met irl, when i was 19 i moved into a city together weith a friend from online and we are still besties to this day (i moved to a different city now tho, so we only meet sparodically now

)

now in my new city i have a tentative work friend and we sometiems play games after work but we dont meet up.

when i still lived with my uni friend back in trier we used to do literally everythign together to the point where we realized maybe we shouldnt spend 24/7 around each other and maybe we dont always have to go shopping together and do laundry together etc

were u scared to meet them irl? how did that end up happening! did u live in same house?

what do u do when u meet up now?
do u want to meet up with ur work friend? or are u happy with how it is now?
was ur friendship better after u both realised that?

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:

kruspersille wrote:
uni, parties, discord, online, work, via other friends
hang out, eat, party, go on trips, swim, cinema, errands and the like
i have something in common w all my friends yes but we dont like all the same things
some every week, some every month, some less frequent than that
in groups
groups, i dont like hanging out just 2 ppl im more comfortable w 3+ cause then i dont have to carry conversation all the time
i could come w my friend to the grocery store n have a blast
never, i dont call anyone other than my mom
some every day, some rarer
anything from how they day is going, things happening in their life, interests etc
i probably wouldnt talk abt my sex life w every friend of mine
i hug all my friends yes, its nice
i feel happy for them
yes
conversation, doing things for each other - really depends what exactly is going on
none i can think of , if there are issues we talk it out
in what way? i sometimes feel jealousy towards some of my friends' friends if they do something fun im not invited to yes

ooo sounds awesome for u!
is there a reason u wouldn't talk about sex life with some of ur friends?
that's the type of way i mean with jealousy yes! do u ever let them know u felt left out?

Private
Popstar

misjel wrote:
most of my newer friends are from work or uni, but I’m sure you can find people in many social circles beyond that, a mutual talked abt his running club how it’s great for making friends because it's fine to be quiet from time to time but also u can talk about whatever you find interesting along the way, but this can apply for many hobbies :3

i usually do pretty mundane stuff with my friends, grab some food, have some snacks and talk, go shopping etc but i like traveling too so i've gone on trips with many of my friends as well :3

i feel like the level of excitingness of the activity lowers the longer i've been friends with someone, with the exception being travelling haha, like my uni friends we can rly just sit together and study and lock out together daily

i believe in you you're such a sweet person

Private
Popstar

hotshot wrote:
1 met most in university almost a year ago and theres few still remaining from highschool
2 we party, we meet just to talk and spend time together, we go on (mostly random and spontanious) trips
sometimes we go bowling, play pool etc
3 with some i do and with some i don't
4 its really random, some i see regularly like atleast 2 times in a month and some i see like once in months
5 depends, when it comes to uni friends we usually go out at least in grups of 3/4, but there are also exceptions, friends from hg i see usually 1:1
6 its hard for me to say, but id say the 1:1 or just smaller grups
7 i really dont care what we do, i like just being with them
8 phone calls are really rare, messaging id say are often, with some almost everyday and with some just sometimes (im also not really a person that likes doing either messaging or calling)
9 just our lives, what happened recently or we talk about the same situations all over again or just comment on other people shit
10 i dont know how to answer sorry
11 sometimes by for example hugging or girls sometimes kiss eachother lightly like on cheek or so
12 im happy for them as long as they are
13 with the closest ones we are, there werent many times we werent
14 truly depends on the situation, you know giving a hug or just listening and trying to give advice
15 yeah there are but we usually come off stronger, it happens in every relationship i think
16 by talking and communicating how we feel
17 sometimes

i hope you will find your people

Private
Living Legend

Kofod wrote:
I have some 'categories' for my friends:
- I have one friend I met in I think 5th grade, we rarely talk anymore bc we have so vastly different lives and lifestyles. When we do hangout usually we watch horror movies.
- I have some friends I got when I was 14/15, met through a boarding school. Very chill people, most of those friends I rarely talk too as well, but three of them I see a few times a year. One of them is my best friend. We have two get-togethers a year, one for summer and one for Christmas. We also hang out in smaller groups too. My best friend, well we do all sorts of stuff together. We play games (video, computer, board, you name it) we go for walks and talk, we get funny ideas and drag each other along.
Another friend from that group, we love playing Escape Rooms, and then we have a tradition where we watch 'a nightmare before Christmas' every year around Halloween (other movies have been added to the tradition since...)
- I have a discord friend group, most of us have met IRL (my bf I met through this group) it consists of a bunch of people who knew each other through different things. I.e. my one boarding school friend, it's her bf and his boarding school friends who created the discord. And then ppl just got added gradually.
It was created during corona, and things just developed from there. Can't say what we do together because it varies so much depending on whom are together. I.e. my best friend, one of the discord server members and I are really close and hang out a lot. We tend to be creative a lots watch horrors, play video games, do plant stuff etc together.
- Then I have my friends from my current education. We mostly just hang out, and eat. Well one of them I tend to rant with a lot. Her car has become a trauma dumping place.

I can't really say how much I see each and everyone because it varies so much. My uni friends I see as often as possible (we aren't in the same class anymore so yeah) but right now we are on internship so we don't see each other at all.
Some friends I see once a year, others I see regularly. It depends a lot...
Most of them I'm in contact with regularly, but sometimes we can also go months without speaking at all.

The ones I play video games with, and know through discord, I am sometimes in voice chat with. This is only when we game, bc generally I hate phone calls and the like (voice calls to me are basically just phone calls and I'm not in them to just hang and do nothing. It needs a purpose)

I'm not super physically affectionate. I don't like it, it can make me quite anxious.
My best friend and I can me (my bf too, obviously but I don't count him in here) but it's kinda in an ironic way? If that makes sense. My bf even calls my best friend, my wife so yeah...
As for my friend's relationships, I do not mind at all. I can be against it, if I don't think the relationship is healthy or good. But generally I support my friends's relations.

Generally I think we support each other. Well of course it depends on the relation. I have friends whom I would not turn to when times a rough, because I have closer friends for that.
And the same goes the opposite way. While I'm sure my friends know they can come to me when they need comforting, I'm definitely not the first they go to (for some I am absolutely one of the first ones, but not for all) and that works.

All friendships have issues,and that's fine. I.e. I have this friend group rn where we can never find time for each other because my one friends is always busy, and I too am very busy, leaving the third party just... Waiting to spend time with both of us. It's great, but we try to plan our way through it.

And to answer the last question, I used to get jealous of my best friend easily, I think it was due to her great talents and likable personality (I've always been a bit more uuh blant, and a person who seemed more distant?) I've mostly grown out of that, and appreciate her so much more than I did as a teen.
Yes sometimes I wish I was more like her, but not in the same way I did when we were younger?

I hope that answered everything?

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:

misjel wrote:
most of my newer friends are from work or uni, but I’m sure you can find people in many social circles beyond that, a mutual talked abt his running club how it’s great for making friends because it's fine to be quiet from time to time but also u can talk about whatever you find interesting along the way, but this can apply for many hobbies :3

i usually do pretty mundane stuff with my friends, grab some food, have some snacks and talk, go shopping etc but i like traveling too so i've gone on trips with many of my friends as well :3

i feel like the level of excitingness of the activity lowers the longer i've been friends with someone, with the exception being travelling haha, like my uni friends we can rly just sit together and study and lock out together daily

i believe in you you're such a sweet person

i feel like making friends from work is risky bc if it goes wrong u still have to see them all the time

i do go to korean class every week! but maybe i should do more ;-;
that makes sense!

thank u ;;~;;

Private
Popstar

misjel wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:

misjel wrote:
most of my newer friends are from work or uni, but I’m sure you can find people in many social circles beyond that, a mutual talked abt his running club how it’s great for making friends because it's fine to be quiet from time to time but also u can talk about whatever you find interesting along the way, but this can apply for many hobbies :3

i usually do pretty mundane stuff with my friends, grab some food, have some snacks and talk, go shopping etc but i like traveling too so i've gone on trips with many of my friends as well :3

i feel like the level of excitingness of the activity lowers the longer i've been friends with someone, with the exception being travelling haha, like my uni friends we can rly just sit together and study and lock out together daily

i believe in you you're such a sweet person

i feel like making friends from work is risky bc if it goes wrong u still have to see them all the time

i do go to korean class every week! but maybe i should do more ;-;
that makes sense!

thank u ;;~;;

hahah i guess for me it's the other way around, i only work as an extra, uni my full time

Private
Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:

kruspersille wrote:
uni, parties, discord, online, work, via other friends
hang out, eat, party, go on trips, swim, cinema, errands and the like
i have something in common w all my friends yes but we dont like all the same things
some every week, some every month, some less frequent than that
in groups
groups, i dont like hanging out just 2 ppl im more comfortable w 3+ cause then i dont have to carry conversation all the time
i could come w my friend to the grocery store n have a blast
never, i dont call anyone other than my mom
some every day, some rarer
anything from how they day is going, things happening in their life, interests etc
i probably wouldnt talk abt my sex life w every friend of mine
i hug all my friends yes, its nice
i feel happy for them
yes
conversation, doing things for each other - really depends what exactly is going on
none i can think of , if there are issues we talk it out
in what way? i sometimes feel jealousy towards some of my friends' friends if they do something fun im not invited to yes

ooo sounds awesome for u!
is there a reason u wouldn't talk about sex life with some of ur friends?
that's the type of way i mean with jealousy yes! do u ever let them know u felt left out?

cause we arent close like that, they dont need to know who i bang and when
only if it actually feels like something i should have been invited to. like my friends are obviously allowed to have other friends and do things w them and i dont wanna insert myself into their hangouts but say it was a get together w like all ppl i know then yea i would feel like its weird that i wasnt asked to be there n i might question them abt it

Aske
Prince of Pop

Aske wrote:

how did u meet ur friends?friend singular! we met in school (year 11, we were 16), she adopted me after we teamed up for a quiz

what do u do with ur friends?
usually we just text😭 meet up maybe once or twice a year and spend some time roaming around town with no plan or direction

do u like the same things?
not exactly the same things, but in the same broad categories i suppose!

do u spend more time 1 on 1 or in groups?
1 on 1 now, we used to be a group of friends but it fell apart.
i prefer 1 on 1, i can never keep up w conversations when theres multiple people involved

do u like to do mundane things with ur friends or does it have to be something exciting each time u see them?
the activity doesnt matter, the person does :3

how often do u speak to them on phone call?
never

over messaging?
almost every day. we talk abt any and all things, just whatever is on our mind

are there certain things that are off limits?
i dont think so, but there are things we've never discussed i guess. like relationships and sexuality n that sort of stuff

are u physically affectionate? why/why not?
not at all, i dont htink weve ever had any physical contact at all. i have all spikes out at all times

how do u feel when ur friend is in a romantic relationship?
idk if id even know abt it, but if shes happy im happy

are u there for each other when things are tough?
i think so, in our own ways i guess. neither of us are very emotionally intelligent i thnk uhm

how do u comfort each other?
give advice? i guess, or just acknowledge that whatever is going on sucks ass

do u have any issues in ur friendships?
rarely. theres been a few instances where she didnt want to say what she thought abt something because i had stong opinions abt it and they didnt align, and a few times where i said something serious and she didnt take it seriously, but its never been a problem to talk it out and get on the same page v quickly

if so, how do u solve them?
just speak plainly, say whats up! theres never any ill intent anywhere so theres no reason to fight or get angry

do u get jealous of other friends?
no

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:

hotshot wrote:
1 met most in university almost a year ago and theres few still remaining from highschool
2 we party, we meet just to talk and spend time together, we go on (mostly random and spontanious) trips
sometimes we go bowling, play pool etc
3 with some i do and with some i don't
4 its really random, some i see regularly like atleast 2 times in a month and some i see like once in months
5 depends, when it comes to uni friends we usually go out at least in grups of 3/4, but there are also exceptions, friends from hg i see usually 1:1
6 its hard for me to say, but id say the 1:1 or just smaller grups
7 i really dont care what we do, i like just being with them
8 phone calls are really rare, messaging id say are often, with some almost everyday and with some just sometimes (im also not really a person that likes doing either messaging or calling)
9 just our lives, what happened recently or we talk about the same situations all over again or just comment on other people shit
10 i dont know how to answer sorry
11 sometimes by for example hugging or girls sometimes kiss eachother lightly like on cheek or so
12 im happy for them as long as they are
13 with the closest ones we are, there werent many times we werent
14 truly depends on the situation, you know giving a hug or just listening and trying to give advice
15 yeah there are but we usually come off stronger, it happens in every relationship i think
16 by talking and communicating how we feel
17 sometimes

i hope you will find your people

sounds like im gonna have to go to uni

who plans the things u do with ur friends?

thank u!!

Private
Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:

hotshot wrote:
1 met most in university almost a year ago and theres few still remaining from highschool
2 we party, we meet just to talk and spend time together, we go on (mostly random and spontanious) trips
sometimes we go bowling, play pool etc
3 with some i do and with some i don't
4 its really random, some i see regularly like atleast 2 times in a month and some i see like once in months
5 depends, when it comes to uni friends we usually go out at least in grups of 3/4, but there are also exceptions, friends from hg i see usually 1:1
6 its hard for me to say, but id say the 1:1 or just smaller grups
7 i really dont care what we do, i like just being with them
8 phone calls are really rare, messaging id say are often, with some almost everyday and with some just sometimes (im also not really a person that likes doing either messaging or calling)
9 just our lives, what happened recently or we talk about the same situations all over again or just comment on other people shit
10 i dont know how to answer sorry
11 sometimes by for example hugging or girls sometimes kiss eachother lightly like on cheek or so
12 im happy for them as long as they are
13 with the closest ones we are, there werent many times we werent
14 truly depends on the situation, you know giving a hug or just listening and trying to give advice
15 yeah there are but we usually come off stronger, it happens in every relationship i think
16 by talking and communicating how we feel
17 sometimes

i hope you will find your people

sounds like im gonna have to go to uni

who plans the things u do with ur friends?

thank u!!

uni was SUCH a nice way to find friends as an adult but i can say now that maintaining a lot of those friendships after graduating was hard for me personally cause we no longer met up at the arena that forced us to meet in the first place
it felt even worse when i befriended ppl at the student organization / bar i worked for, but then i graduated n they still hade some yrs left at uni n then i felt too awkward n old to still come to events at that bar when i wasnt a student anymore
i see a lot of them at parties and its nice but we never initiate to hang out in smaller groups/1 on 1

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:

Kofod wrote:
I have some 'categories' for my friends:
- I have one friend I met in I think 5th grade, we rarely talk anymore bc we have so vastly different lives and lifestyles. When we do hangout usually we watch horror movies.
- I have some friends I got when I was 14/15, met through a boarding school. Very chill people, most of those friends I rarely talk too as well, but three of them I see a few times a year. One of them is my best friend. We have two get-togethers a year, one for summer and one for Christmas. We also hang out in smaller groups too. My best friend, well we do all sorts of stuff together. We play games (video, computer, board, you name it) we go for walks and talk, we get funny ideas and drag each other along.
Another friend from that group, we love playing Escape Rooms, and then we have a tradition where we watch 'a nightmare before Christmas' every year around Halloween (other movies have been added to the tradition since...)
- I have a discord friend group, most of us have met IRL (my bf I met through this group) it consists of a bunch of people who knew each other through different things. I.e. my one boarding school friend, it's her bf and his boarding school friends who created the discord. And then ppl just got added gradually.
It was created during corona, and things just developed from there. Can't say what we do together because it varies so much depending on whom are together. I.e. my best friend, one of the discord server members and I are really close and hang out a lot. We tend to be creative a lots watch horrors, play video games, do plant stuff etc together.
- Then I have my friends from my current education. We mostly just hang out, and eat. Well one of them I tend to rant with a lot. Her car has become a trauma dumping place.

I can't really say how much I see each and everyone because it varies so much. My uni friends I see as often as possible (we aren't in the same class anymore so yeah) but right now we are on internship so we don't see each other at all.
Some friends I see once a year, others I see regularly. It depends a lot...
Most of them I'm in contact with regularly, but sometimes we can also go months without speaking at all.

The ones I play video games with, and know through discord, I am sometimes in voice chat with. This is only when we game, bc generally I hate phone calls and the like (voice calls to me are basically just phone calls and I'm not in them to just hang and do nothing. It needs a purpose)

I'm not super physically affectionate. I don't like it, it can make me quite anxious.
My best friend and I can me (my bf too, obviously but I don't count him in here) but it's kinda in an ironic way? If that makes sense. My bf even calls my best friend, my wife so yeah...
As for my friend's relationships, I do not mind at all. I can be against it, if I don't think the relationship is healthy or good. But generally I support my friends's relations.

Generally I think we support each other. Well of course it depends on the relation. I have friends whom I would not turn to when times a rough, because I have closer friends for that.
And the same goes the opposite way. While I'm sure my friends know they can come to me when they need comforting, I'm definitely not the first they go to (for some I am absolutely one of the first ones, but not for all) and that works.

All friendships have issues,and that's fine. I.e. I have this friend group rn where we can never find time for each other because my one friends is always busy, and I too am very busy, leaving the third party just... Waiting to spend time with both of us. It's great, but we try to plan our way through it.

And to answer the last question, I used to get jealous of my best friend easily, I think it was due to her great talents and likable personality (I've always been a bit more uuh blant, and a person who seemed more distant?) I've mostly grown out of that, and appreciate her so much more than I did as a teen.
Yes sometimes I wish I was more like her, but not in the same way I did when we were younger?

I hope that answered everything?

do u still enjoy being friends with ur 5th grade friend?
woah u have a lot going on!

do u get overwhelmed?
and everything is fine even though u haven't spoken in months? they're not upset with u?
hehe ur wife that's cute :3
ohhh i relate to this kind of jealousy a lot
i feel like I'm not interesting enough to be friends with yknow..
did u do anything to get over that? or it just happened with time?

very helpful, thank u!!

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:

kruspersille wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:

kruspersille wrote:
uni, parties, discord, online, work, via other friends
hang out, eat, party, go on trips, swim, cinema, errands and the like
i have something in common w all my friends yes but we dont like all the same things
some every week, some every month, some less frequent than that
in groups
groups, i dont like hanging out just 2 ppl im more comfortable w 3+ cause then i dont have to carry conversation all the time
i could come w my friend to the grocery store n have a blast
never, i dont call anyone other than my mom
some every day, some rarer
anything from how they day is going, things happening in their life, interests etc
i probably wouldnt talk abt my sex life w every friend of mine
i hug all my friends yes, its nice
i feel happy for them
yes
conversation, doing things for each other - really depends what exactly is going on
none i can think of , if there are issues we talk it out
in what way? i sometimes feel jealousy towards some of my friends' friends if they do something fun im not invited to yes

ooo sounds awesome for u!
is there a reason u wouldn't talk about sex life with some of ur friends?
that's the type of way i mean with jealousy yes! do u ever let them know u felt left out?

cause we arent close like that, they dont need to know who i bang and when
only if it actually feels like something i should have been invited to. like my friends are obviously allowed to have other friends and do things w them and i dont wanna insert myself into their hangouts but say it was a get together w like all ppl i know then yea i would feel like its weird that i wasnt asked to be there n i might question them abt it

that's fair!