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Fujiwara
let ft know how ur spending ur summer in new Holiday thread ദ്ദി ( ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ )
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limbs' nest
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ow stinky
joints in my right hand very stinky and bad
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ive been knitting today and i even went for a walk in the forest
n i'm going to bed rn (11:50 pm)


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how has it been 11 years and i still break down every march/april for over a fucking month and start crying every time i think about my mom!!! how!!!! 11 YEARS bitch HOW am i STILL GRIEVING or whstever the fuck!!! what is my problem!!!!! 
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it's because i should have died when she died ahaaaa. oh well
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my brain be like hey how about we don't grieve in one continuous time period like a normal person but instead we repress it and grieve for one month each year for the next 30-40 years. and we're still gonna be miserable and unable to function the rest of the time though. sound good? ok good
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i think if i ever heard this played live i might die and go to heaven
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someone tell me why my TN meds have all of a sudden stopped working now cuz i would like to know

i've had pain 5 days in a row now, granted not the worst pain i've ever had but it still sucks that eating = pain again. and i mean since it's hurting again i'm wondering if it's just gonna come back as bad as it was and keep going til no meds help anymore
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:) sendin u love
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Sobbing wrote:
:●) sendin u love
thank you!
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i am panicking, idek why just hhhdh everythings a mess. panicking about pain and panicking about bf etc

it's mom's death day today and i didn't even do anything, i have a candle i was gonna burn but my apartment is a literal garbage dump i can'tburn it here cuz that would only be disrespectful

going to go sauna now maybe that will bring down the pain at least
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so many drunk people downtown today me and my unsteady gait caused by neurological damage fit right in
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im so tired of explaining why i feel bad

"why are you depressed what exactly is making you feel hopeless please explain to me everything that's wrong in your life and hurting and then sit here as i either 1. don't believe you 2. think you should just stop feeling that way or 3. simply do nothing. also please explain the ins and outs of every bad experience in your life that is still affecting you today. ok thank you. do you want to die less now?"
no i don't
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the nerve my dad has, can you imagine how fucking lucky this bastard is? he still has both his parents at like 54 years old or something and yet he felt the need to lecture me about how i have to learn to be self-sufficient because he's not gonna be around forever.* like dude i think i know more about parental death than you do. bitch.

* this did not happen recently tho it was when i was younger, i just love to ruminate over my ✨grudges✨
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like i want to be a girl but a titless girl except sometimes i do want tits but i want to look like a man but not be a man and not have a dick except when i do want a dick. and i don't want to be a woman and i don't want to look like a woman but when i don't look like i woman i want people to perceive me as a woman except not a woman

yes
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my psychologist kind of just told me i have DID

i asked her wtf is wrong with me basically lol and she told me i have structural dissociation. then i asked about diagnosis and she said this is very rarely diagnosed because because it's rare for all the signs to show up in one official evaluation session. but that the official diagnosis for it would be dissociative identity disorder. n we can talk more about it with my doctor but again it's rare to get diagnosed. but that this is what she thinks i have
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