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help me i have an issue
Account deleted




wrote:
You have to stop lending her money. She might get angry for that, but honestly you need the money more than anything right now and especially if your budget for stuff is tight. 

It's not good having people around who asks for stuff but then can't pay back? Like I get if something happens once or twice but this situation seems to happen over and over again so my advice is to just stop with the lending of the money. And maybe the friendship should be considered if it's real or not. The excuses don't add up especially with her behavior from what I gathered with the main post. 
She seems shitty.
Date: 19-12-2018 20:28
Pitbull
Popstar



Pitbull wrote:
Donkeyboy wrote:
You have to stop lending her money. She might get angry for that, but honestly you need the money more than anything right now and especially if your budget for stuff is tight. 

It's not good having people around who asks for stuff but then can't pay back? Like I get if something happens once or twice but this situation seems to happen over and over again so my advice is to just stop with the lending of the money. And maybe the friendship should be considered if it's real or not. The excuses don't add up especially with her behavior from what I gathered with the main post. 
She seems shitty.
I know. I just love her very much. She's my best friend - and has been fore more than ten years.
I just find it hard to say no, since I'm a very helpful and kind person. I'm giving - physical og psychological. 
Just by continuously having to ask makes my stomach hurt a lot because I feel so...bad about it? I know it's a bad behaviour that I'm enabling, but it's just hard to say no.
18
Posts: 11363
Date: 19-12-2018 20:33
Pitbull
Popstar



Pitbull wrote:
I just want to make people happy.
18
Posts: 11363
Date: 19-12-2018 20:33
Account deleted




wrote:
Escobar wrote:
Donkeyboy wrote:
You have to stop lending her money. She might get angry for that, but honestly you need the money more than anything right now and especially if your budget for stuff is tight. 

It's not good having people around who asks for stuff but then can't pay back? Like I get if something happens once or twice but this situation seems to happen over and over again so my advice is to just stop with the lending of the money. And maybe the friendship should be considered if it's real or not. The excuses don't add up especially with her behavior from what I gathered with the main post. 
She seems shitty.
I know. I just love her very much. She's my best friend - and has been fore more than ten years.
I just find it hard to say no, since I'm a very helpful and kind person. I'm giving - physical og psychological. 
Just by continuously having to ask makes my stomach hurt a lot because I feel so...bad about it? I know it's a bad behaviour that I'm enabling, but it's just hard to say no.
 Do you think she can be using your kindness against you? I'm not saying that she does since I'm not her but I can't help but wonder if it could be that way. I'm asking because I've dealt with lots of fake people, manipulative ones and bullies etc. 
It's quite normal to having a harder time saying no than yes. Because if you say yes to them they will get happy, excited, joyful etc etc, with saying no you're almost blocking the road for a moment, or at least it can feel like that. I think it can change over time, when you also have time on working on yourself, your own worth and self esteem and perception. 
And also because she's your best friend, the thought of losing her must be really frightening, it's a tough choice to make so I don't blame you. The solution to all of this is not something you can fix in a day, it will take some more time than that.

In my opinion the best thing would be if you could take help from someone else who could say to her that you have to say no at this very moment because you have your own things to worry about and that you have problem expressing it to her directly and therefor need help. I can only talk from experience so I've gathered some information on what worked for ME. 
I do hope that you can gain a bit more trust in yourself and see that you actually deserve better.
Date: 19-12-2018 20:44
Meister
National star



Meister wrote:
Next time make her sign a paper that says that she needs to pay it back a specifik date.
And if she is often asks for more time you should not feel awful.
We don´t know if she had borrowed money from other people and make it this the last time.
12
Posts: 1557
Date: 19-12-2018 21:22
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