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| Everything Sucks |
| Today's sucked. This week has sucked. I still have three exams to take, a concert to play and orchestra auditions to ace in four consecutive days. I'm getting pushed out of my group of friends by an old friend, but I can't confront her because she's battling severe depression and still has her depressive/anxious episodes and it'd be my fault if she attempted anything again. I can't do a damn thing right in school. I get yelled at whenever I come out of my room. Karma bites my ass whenever I do something nice. My few friends are all going out and doing things without me. Without inviting me. I can't write anymore. All I want to do is cry. I'm scared of being left on my own, I'm scared of the world, and I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I'm being pushed out of everything I've ever loved, criticized for things I do or do not do, and I'm just so done with it. Why can't suicide just be a thing where you go to sleep and just decide to not wake back up? No pills, no blades, no nooses, just sheer willpower of 'let me die'. It's not like I'm good at playing the violin. It's not like I'm anything more than an amateur writer. I've never been sympathetic or a friend to everyone or charitable. My only good trait is being able to forget emotion and look at the logical point of view. But even then, there's people better than me at that. People who aren't bitches, who don't want to just curl up and die, who know what they want to do in life and how to get to it. I'm losing my only friends and they're not caring. Everything sucks. |
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