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| sigh |
| Sometimes I wonder why I bother joining sites that are even indirectly connected to fashion. The responses I receive are always extremely negative. And spending all my money and putting a lot of effort into an outfit just to get told it's worth 1/10 and doesn't match and nothing goes together is... not something I can do. Not repeatedly, not with the mental state I've been in lately. And this isn't even a game I can actually take a break from without some pretty hefty consequences. If I'd known this was actually a serious hard-line fashion community, I would have never gone into the forums. I've been a member for, like, a week at most, and I'm already feeling actively excluded. I can't handle that, and I can't even step back to get some perspective. I've only interacted with the community at large twice, and managed to screw up in a big way both times; I'm not sure if I can put myself forward a third time. I like the game and enjoy playing with my avatar, but can I really stay on the site if I'm too anxious and scared to actually participate in anything? And this has to be a hard decision, because if I leave long enough to regain a steady mental state and brush this off, there won't be any point in coming back when I'd essentially have to completely start from scratch without the benefit of actually being new. So what now? Do I keep playing and try to ignore the fact that the forums exist? Do I step away and hope I'll be able to come back before too much damage gets done to my account? Do I walk away and just forget the site exists? I hate myself for being this mentally fragile. I wish I could just not be affected like normal people. I just want to find an escape I love and actually get to keep it for once. Is that really so much to ask? |
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