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| The truth about me |
| It's not like I've asked for all of this. It's not like I sat Down and prayed to God that I would get Epilepsy, get side effects of the medication and desperatly want to die every time a new letter from the school arrives, because I know what they'll all say. I got diagnosed with a very "light" form of Epilepsy 2½ year ago or so. I was told that my life would be just as it was before, only with some adjustments. Well after a half year, I got my first seizure. So my medication got higher and I began to be allright. Everything was just fine, untill summer last year. I began to be aggresive, depressed, sensitive, angry, etc. My feelings was just one big mess. We then went to see a doctor/psycologist WHO would give me valuation. Me and my Family was 99% sure that it was side effects, but the doctor said that I was fine, and only going through a tough time, thinking of Things that had traumatized me when I was 10 or so. But we were still determined that it was sideeffects, so we went to see a epilepsy specialist WHO agreed with us. My medication was changed and Things were going back on track. I stayed home from school for about 1½ month right after it. I tried to go to school some of the days, but my Heart would start to beat faster and I would hyperventilate. So I never were there the Whole day. My grades got lower really fast and the teachers treated me really bad, like I was some kind of psykick person. My selfesteem had gotten lower as well, and there were several times where I had to leave the room because I had a breakdown. I'm still trying to recover, but no one really does anything. I got a postmail today from the school, saying that I'm failing in every single subject if I don't show up. When my mom handled the letter to me, she looked all jugdemental on me. Like I asked for all of this. All of this made me feel so bad about myself that I quited eating for days, began to selfharm and think about suicide. The last time I did selfharm was yesterday, I haven't eaten all day and I've gone through the suicide over and over in my head for hours now. I'm having a really hard time, and nobody stands up for me. Nobody tries to do something. I'm not writing all this to get your sympathy or something. I'm just a 15 years old girl, having a tough time, and needing to get it all out in the World. I don't care if you're going to write something evil and being mean. I've gotten alot of that through my life, and I'm already in tears, if you want that. I'm not mad at anyone, I just needed this to come out. I'm not quite sure if anyone will/has readen it all. It's up to them. Thankz for letting me get this out. |
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