scoff wrote:
Hey, I'm happy now. I mean, about being with him. I don't want anything else than that. I love him.
Shit is, I don't know if he loves me still. Maybe he's gotten tired of me already.
Fuck I don't know how relationships work! How would I? The only relationships I've ever gotten to see upfront n close are those of my mom and my dad. My dad's relationships are always shit; it's psycho bitches n him being a fucking lame ass bitch. My mom's relationships? She's the boss and her men are her bitches. Her and my stepdad were fighting all the time, and I'm pretty sure that's not how it's supposed to be. Her new bf and her are just a really weird match and they fight all the time, too, because he likes to buy a lot of fancy shit so that he comes off as rich and she thinks he shouldn't be wasting money on fancy shit nobody actually needs when they have the house to pay for and food and clothes for the kids and all that shit. And you know, she wants another kid just so that she'll be tied to that man forever. I know that's how she thinks, that's always how she thinks.
She's off. Everyone's fucking off in my family and nothing's normal. I don't want to make it sound dramatic, but to be blatantly honest, I don't think I've ever witnessed normalcy, so I don't know how shit works. It makes things harder. I don't wanna be a fucking twat, so instead I act like a bitch and lets everyone else make all decisions for me, and that's fucking lame. There's gotta be something in between, right? Not just either or. There's gotta be some balance.
I'm shit with balance. I love you or I hate you. I eat nothing or I eat everything. I'm happy as fuck or I'm fucking miserable.
Fuck.