hey, serious relationship advice needed - Forum

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remains wrote:

Conqueror wrote:

bones wrote:
breakups are always shit and complicated but it seems inevitable for you since she doesn't seem to understand you or your needs.
even if she isn't being manipulative on purpose, it's not good for you. It is a fair reason to break up. If you can't or feel uncomfortable communicating your needs to her, it's a valid reason to break up. If you don't love her in a romantic way, it's a valid reason to break up.

and @ skeleton thanks ;w; i really needed to hear that. its still gonna be REALLY hard and idk if ill actually do it. but at least i know im not crazy

i know it's hard ! i just went thru a breakup with a person i lived with n even tho it was shit and difficult i do get why they broke up with me. it takes time.
it doesn't seem like trying to keep your relationship up is fair for either of you. these things happen. people have needs and if they arent met from both sides, it might be time to part ways
the unfortunate thing of course is that it won't be up to you if you're still gonna be friends afterwards, but i hope you can find comfort in knowing that you tried your best. healing takes time.

Solar
National star

Solar wrote:

BEWAREARTEMIS wrote:

Conqueror wrote:

BEWAREARTEMIS wrote:
No, it's not horrible, it's totally understandable. Maybe your only option is to be clear about not desiring a relationship with her anymore, and maybe you should go to therapy because it really seemed like she tried to manipulate you emotionally

i feel so bad abt it though !!! bc i know she rly loves me a lot and i just dont want to put in the effort anymore. shes also really scared that i break up with her.
maybe i should be clear, but then i lose someone important to me and thats like the scariest step ive ever taken. i really dont know what ill do if i lose her or what shell do. she has bad mental health already and idk what if i make it even worse you know

It's valid to feel scared about losing her, but you should know that this relationship will make you lose it. It's straight up abusive, and you should try to help her, but in a way that it doesn't hurt you either. Convince her to go to therapy so she can solve or try to solve any mental health issue she might have, and so she recognizes that she is abusing you

i already convinced her to go to therapy!! but the waiting lists are very long and in the 9 months that weve been together she hasnt gotten any help. and now ive lost feelings and being with her feels like keeping up a lie

BEWAREARTEMIS
National star

BEWAREARTEMIS wrote:

Conqueror wrote:

BEWAREARTEMIS wrote:

Conqueror wrote:
i feel so bad abt it though !!! bc i know she rly loves me a lot and i just dont want to put in the effort anymore. shes also really scared that i break up with her.
maybe i should be clear, but then i lose someone important to me and thats like the scariest step ive ever taken. i really dont know what ill do if i lose her or what shell do. she has bad mental health already and idk what if i make it even worse you know

It's valid to feel scared about losing her, but you should know that this relationship will make you lose it. It's straight up abusive, and you should try to help her, but in a way that it doesn't hurt you either. Convince her to go to therapy so she can solve or try to solve any mental health issue she might have, and so she recognizes that she is abusing you

i already convinced her to go to therapy!! but the waiting lists are very long and in the 9 months that weve been together she hasnt gotten any help. and now ive lost feelings and being with her feels like keeping up a lie

Then your situation is more difficult. Honestly, if I was in your position, I would just leave, because I'm up to no abuse, but it seems like you really want her to be okay. What about online therapy until she can go physically?

Solar
National star

Solar wrote:

bones wrote:

Conqueror wrote:

bones wrote:
breakups are always shit and complicated but it seems inevitable for you since she doesn't seem to understand you or your needs.
even if she isn't being manipulative on purpose, it's not good for you. It is a fair reason to break up. If you can't or feel uncomfortable communicating your needs to her, it's a valid reason to break up. If you don't love her in a romantic way, it's a valid reason to break up.

and @ skeleton thanks ;w; i really needed to hear that. its still gonna be REALLY hard and idk if ill actually do it. but at least i know im not crazy

i know it's hard ! i just went thru a breakup with a person i lived with n even tho it was shit and difficult i do get why they broke up with me. it takes time.
it doesn't seem like trying to keep your relationship up is fair for either of you. these things happen. people have needs and if they arent met from both sides, it might be time to part ways
the unfortunate thing of course is that it won't be up to you if you're still gonna be friends afterwards, but i hope you can find comfort in knowing that you tried your best. healing takes time.

shit thank you ): i really needed to hear this.. i do have need and they arent met and its not fair to keep lying to her if i dont want to be with her anymore
and the future is scary but itll always be scary and maybe ill ne happier without her and maybe not but else ill certainly stay uncomfortable rn

Solar
National star

Solar wrote:

BEWAREARTEMIS wrote:

Conqueror wrote:

BEWAREARTEMIS wrote:
It's valid to feel scared about losing her, but you should know that this relationship will make you lose it. It's straight up abusive, and you should try to help her, but in a way that it doesn't hurt you either. Convince her to go to therapy so she can solve or try to solve any mental health issue she might have, and so she recognizes that she is abusing you

i already convinced her to go to therapy!! but the waiting lists are very long and in the 9 months that weve been together she hasnt gotten any help. and now ive lost feelings and being with her feels like keeping up a lie

Then your situation is more difficult. Honestly, if I was in your position, I would just leave, because I'm up to no abuse, but it seems like you really want her to be okay. What about online therapy until she can go physically?

online therapy also isnt available rn sadly. she had an intake which was online but nothing more yet in like 7 months time. idk maybe i guess i just need to come through for myself and leave. i guess itll ne the best thing

Private
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rottomilko wrote:
this sounds really difficult
but you really do have to do what’s best for you, you can’t live your life for other people
i hope your gf has some kind of support around her tho
but she really seems manipulative with not giving you the space you need bc frankly she doesn’t really have the right to decide over your life and what you need or not. ofc a relationship is built on agreements and such, but it seems like her needs are more important than yours even tho “if she means it that way” or not

if you don’t like her like that it’s not fair for either of you to stay in that relationship bc you’re not happy and she won’t get the chance to meet someone else that have feelings for her

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skeIeton wrote:

Conqueror wrote:

bones wrote:
breakups are always shit and complicated but it seems inevitable for you since she doesn't seem to understand you or your needs.
even if she isn't being manipulative on purpose, it's not good for you. It is a fair reason to break up. If you can't or feel uncomfortable communicating your needs to her, it's a valid reason to break up. If you don't love her in a romantic way, it's a valid reason to break up.

and @ skeleton thanks ;w; i really needed to hear that. its still gonna be REALLY hard and idk if ill actually do it. but at least i know im not crazy

happy to be of help, i really wish u the best, u deserve to be happy! don't feel bad abt putting urself first!

Private
Popstar

rottomilko wrote:

bones wrote:
breakups are always shit and complicated but it seems inevitable for you since she doesn't seem to understand you or your needs.
even if she isn't being manipulative on purpose, it's not good for you. It is a fair reason to break up. If you can't or feel uncomfortable communicating your needs to her, it's a valid reason to break up. If you don't love her in a romantic way, it's a valid reason to break up.

Yea thissa