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scoff wrote:
actually it feels so weird being with someone who isn't trying to put you down all the time and who doesn't demand you apologize for your mere existence, practically. like, i've this thing where i constantly apologize for talking too much, right? it's really annoying and i try not to do it, but after having been told you do talk too much and how bad that is and all that shit for YEARS, it's easy to feel like being chatty is something wrong. and he's like "...??? what"
it's so... uhm, i don't know. i think i see some similarities between him and my ex anyway, you know? i mean, not the whole being-a-junkie-and-acting-like-an-asshole part of my ex, but other things. which i don't think has to be bad lol, because it's the good parts and well, it has to have been something i fell for the first time, doesn't it? but just the whole thing with him not being quite like other people. not in the same way that my ex is, naturally (this guy actually has, like, curtains in his windows and rugs on the floor - my ex had a stuffed fish in the window, 28 life size plastic birds standing everywhere and a fucking unicorn in the living room so there's a very good difference right there) but, like, i like that he's not the type of guy who feels he has to act macho or watch naked girls on instagram and shit like that
and also another similarity is the kind of things we sit around and talk about, like we can just sit and discuss psychological phenomenas or conspiracy theories or serial killers or horror movies or w/e AND idk why it scares me because i mean i discuss those things with my friends as well. i don't hang out with people i can't be a nerd around. it's just that everyone says you need to find someone who is the opposite of your ex, and in many ways he is but in other ways he's not and idk if that means i'm doing something wrong
Claire wrote:
like my best advice for you would be to be single for an actual year or more but this might be good for you
that disproportionate reaction is normal for a trauma survivor. this new guy knows that right? like its not normal to get that upset in that situation with the music tastes- but it IS normal if youre used to being berated and harassed and put down over stupid shit like that.
he does know about my past, yes, because i felt like it was for the best to just be honest about stuff scoff wrote:
it's nice to hear that it's good because at this point i don't really know which of my thoughts and feelings are normal and what's just paranoia from my relationship with my ex, you know? because i freak out disproportionally about some things from time to time - like, i think this guy and i were discussing music and bands and whatnot and he questioned why the fuck guns n roses are my favorite band lol and i just, uh, raised my voice and asked what the fuck he was questioning that for and basically told him to fuck off (because what came to my mind then was that one time when my ex spent an entire afternoon mocking me for my taste in music and eventually we got into an actual physical fight about it and...)
so this guy then apologized for what he'd said and i'm like ??? WHAT?! because WHAT??? men can do that?! idk i apologized for getting mad and this guy thinks i've nothing to apologize for because he was, in his own words, acting like an asshole so it was justified????
anyway, i will and then i'll see what happens from there
i actually believe he will respect that boundary but at the same time i'm not gonna be naive about it so i'll have a talk with him probably tomorrow
i think this is really good for you and that youre approaching this with the right amount of caution.Claire wrote:
its good that youre feeling cautious. cause it can be bad if someone is too into you too fast. like 'love bombing' you know.
youll know more after you ask him to slow down- youll see if he respects that boundary or not.
yeahits good that youre feeling cautious. cause it can be bad if someone is too into you too fast. like 'love bombing' you know.
youll know more after you ask him to slow down- youll see if he respects that boundary or not.
it's nice to hear that it's good because at this point i don't really know which of my thoughts and feelings are normal and what's just paranoia from my relationship with my ex, you know? because i freak out disproportionally about some things from time to time - like, i think this guy and i were discussing music and bands and whatnot and he questioned why the fuck guns n roses are my favorite band lol and i just, uh, raised my voice and asked what the fuck he was questioning that for and basically told him to fuck off (because what came to my mind then was that one time when my ex spent an entire afternoon mocking me for my taste in music and eventually we got into an actual physical fight about it and...)
so this guy then apologized for what he'd said and i'm like ??? WHAT?! because WHAT??? men can do that?! idk i apologized for getting mad and this guy thinks i've nothing to apologize for because he was, in his own words, acting like an asshole so it was justified????
anyway, i will and then i'll see what happens from there
i actually believe he will respect that boundary but at the same time i'm not gonna be naive about it so i'll have a talk with him probably tomorrow
like my best advice for you would be to be single for an actual year or more but this might be good for you
that disproportionate reaction is normal for a trauma survivor. this new guy knows that right? like its not normal to get that upset in that situation with the music tastes- but it IS normal if youre used to being berated and harassed and put down over stupid shit like that.
actually it feels so weird being with someone who isn't trying to put you down all the time and who doesn't demand you apologize for your mere existence, practically. like, i've this thing where i constantly apologize for talking too much, right? it's really annoying and i try not to do it, but after having been told you do talk too much and how bad that is and all that shit for YEARS, it's easy to feel like being chatty is something wrong. and he's like "...??? what"
it's so... uhm, i don't know. i think i see some similarities between him and my ex anyway, you know? i mean, not the whole being-a-junkie-and-acting-like-an-asshole part of my ex, but other things. which i don't think has to be bad lol, because it's the good parts and well, it has to have been something i fell for the first time, doesn't it? but just the whole thing with him not being quite like other people. not in the same way that my ex is, naturally (this guy actually has, like, curtains in his windows and rugs on the floor - my ex had a stuffed fish in the window, 28 life size plastic birds standing everywhere and a fucking unicorn in the living room so there's a very good difference right there) but, like, i like that he's not the type of guy who feels he has to act macho or watch naked girls on instagram and shit like that
and also another similarity is the kind of things we sit around and talk about, like we can just sit and discuss psychological phenomenas or conspiracy theories or serial killers or horror movies or w/e AND idk why it scares me because i mean i discuss those things with my friends as well. i don't hang out with people i can't be a nerd around. it's just that everyone says you need to find someone who is the opposite of your ex, and in many ways he is but in other ways he's not and idk if that means i'm doing something wrong
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