the biggest, worst flaw - Forum

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Raquelle wrote:
I make all my future plans about myself only, have hobbies and interests that allow me to spend time alone and i’m overall motivated to study etc make my life better for Me.
i haven’t always been like that and i have no idea what changed.
i have (had) some kind of savior complex too if i can call it that...
finding some kind of ”broken” people and trying to fix them. Being there for them 247 and taking all the shit they can throw to my back.

i still do it and i enjoy listening to people’s problems and supporting them but it’s no more my only ”job” in this life i think..? Of course the fact that all my friends are now in better place than when we met years ago affects that fact - they don’t need me to be there to support them all the time now. Our relationship is healthier now. Same with my mom, i don’t need to be her therapist anymore. but i think something changed inside me too and i wouldn’t even want devode myself for other people anymore. But how and why this happened i have no idea..

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Evey wrote:

Raquelle wrote:
I make all my future plans about myself only, have hobbies and interests that allow me to spend time alone and i’m overall motivated to study etc make my life better for Me.

Damn this sounds so healthy.

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Raquelle wrote:

Saintal wrote:

Raquelle wrote:
I make all my future plans about myself only, have hobbies and interests that allow me to spend time alone and i’m overall motivated to study etc make my life better for Me.

Damn this sounds so healthy.

It feels so incredibly good!! For the first time in my life it’s like this.

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Evey wrote:

Raquelle wrote:

Saintal wrote:

Raquelle wrote:
I make all my future plans about myself only, have hobbies and interests that allow me to spend time alone and i’m overall motivated to study etc make my life better for Me.

Damn this sounds so healthy.

It feels so incredibly good!! For the first time in my life it’s like this.

I wish it was as easy to do when you're in love and in a relationship. I get f dumb. Like, truly stupid. But I will try to think more like you in that matter. It sounds like what Alice as single would do, which is the version of me with a brain.

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scoff wrote:

Kit wrote:

scoff wrote:

Kit wrote:
sounds like codependency 2 me
(not 2 be flippant idk it's smth that affects a lot of my relationships n approach to people too just think it cn be helpful to name n understand it idkk)

but i'm not even in that relationship anymore
or are all my relationships codepentent?

idk codependency isnt necessarily just about any particular relationship but like ? how u approach relationships and people nd the rest of the world ? idk i have codependent friendships for example but like my mom is . idk has a v codependent personality in that her first instinct in most situations is to become a caretaker, to try n solve ppl's problems, bc she's ... yk a good person but also bc she like. doesnt know how to relate to the world or like. understand her place in it unless she's helping ppl, even at her own expense

idk if that makes sense at all or like applies to u at all idk

i think that could be me
i just don't really feel like i exist otherwise, you know?

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scoff wrote:

Saintal wrote:

scoff wrote:

Saintal wrote:
When it comes to this I am thankful to have my studies. It's what will always be mine. The struggle of writing the SATC 4 times to get into the program, and to become something greater than I ever had to. That's for me. And I get mad (not saying it out loud though LOL) when boyfriends joke about our "shared wealth" that will come from my studies. Damn, men frustrate me. I won't give men jack. And that's on what's for me.

Excuse me I believe I got a bit... mad there. LOL. Men...

...and i studied psychiatry
because apparently the only thing i want to do in life is devote myself to people with psychological problems

HAH, I wanted to study psychology... But I couldn't get into the program. Probably for the best AHAH

i'm actually considering going to uni to become a psychologist
i signed up to finish that fucking math course i gotta do and then i think... maybe
either that or something in social psychiatry or sociology
maybe teaching
i'll have to see

Private
International Star

Raquelle wrote:

Saintal wrote:

Raquelle wrote:

Saintal wrote:
Damn this sounds so healthy.

It feels so incredibly good!! For the first time in my life it’s like this.

I wish it was as easy to do when you're in love and in a relationship. I get f dumb. Like, truly stupid. But I will try to think more like you in that matter. It sounds like what Alice as single would do, which is the version of me with a brain.

Yea i was the same
though the relationship i was in was pretty toxic.. my life really turned around when i became single again. But i’m sure you can learn to think more for yourself in a relationship too. I think most important thing is to try to remember that you are a whole and great person by yourself too. Easier said than done hah.
but i wish you luck with all this!! And all good in life

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scoff wrote:

Raquelle wrote:

Saintal wrote:

Raquelle wrote:
I make all my future plans about myself only, have hobbies and interests that allow me to spend time alone and i’m overall motivated to study etc make my life better for Me.

Damn this sounds so healthy.

It feels so incredibly good!! For the first time in my life it’s like this.

how do you do that?

i mean, personally my only hobby is this shit, you know? tryna fix people is the most fun i have
it's just that i don't think it's very healthy or progressive and maybe i should find something else but i just never do

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Evey wrote:

scoff wrote:

Kit wrote:

scoff wrote:
but i'm not even in that relationship anymore
or are all my relationships codepentent?

idk codependency isnt necessarily just about any particular relationship but like ? how u approach relationships and people nd the rest of the world ? idk i have codependent friendships for example but like my mom is . idk has a v codependent personality in that her first instinct in most situations is to become a caretaker, to try n solve ppl's problems, bc she's ... yk a good person but also bc she like. doesnt know how to relate to the world or like. understand her place in it unless she's helping ppl, even at her own expense

idk if that makes sense at all or like applies to u at all idk

i think that could be me
i just don't really feel like i exist otherwise, you know?

Sorry to jump into every goddamn conversation here but this topic is the most interesting thing I've found on VP today LOL

Do you have any dreams? (If I may ask.) Like, something you have always wanted to do/experience? Can be small or big. I feel like those "dreams" I have, the things I can say "I don't care if you join because I will do it nonetheless but I would love your company" about, are what makes me feel most alive probably... And comes from the passionate side from me. For me it's like... hiking, rock climbing. Doesn't sound like much but it feels NICE.

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World Famous

Evey wrote:

Raquelle wrote:

Saintal wrote:

Raquelle wrote:
It feels so incredibly good!! For the first time in my life it’s like this.

I wish it was as easy to do when you're in love and in a relationship. I get f dumb. Like, truly stupid. But I will try to think more like you in that matter. It sounds like what Alice as single would do, which is the version of me with a brain.

Yea i was the same
though the relationship i was in was pretty toxic.. my life really turned around when i became single again. But i’m sure you can learn to think more for yourself in a relationship too. I think most important thing is to try to remember that you are a whole and great person by yourself too. Easier said than done hah.
but i wish you luck with all this!! And all good in life

I am so happy for you, and for what's waiting for you in this life!!!

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I think I have grown a lot in this relationship, and right now I'm not in it for "forever". It won't be a forever probably, since I don't want kids and he does. And that's an important step for me. To get rid of my idea of this perfect relationship that lasts for all of time. Because it honestly feels like shitty propaganda that's stuck in my head.

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scoff wrote:

Saintal wrote:

scoff wrote:

Kit wrote:
idk codependency isnt necessarily just about any particular relationship but like ? how u approach relationships and people nd the rest of the world ? idk i have codependent friendships for example but like my mom is . idk has a v codependent personality in that her first instinct in most situations is to become a caretaker, to try n solve ppl's problems, bc she's ... yk a good person but also bc she like. doesnt know how to relate to the world or like. understand her place in it unless she's helping ppl, even at her own expense

idk if that makes sense at all or like applies to u at all idk

i think that could be me
i just don't really feel like i exist otherwise, you know?

Sorry to jump into every goddamn conversation here but this topic is the most interesting thing I've found on VP today LOL

Do you have any dreams? (If I may ask.) Like, something you have always wanted to do/experience? Can be small or big. I feel like those "dreams" I have, the things I can say "I don't care if you join because I will do it nonetheless but I would love your company" about, are what makes me feel most alive probably... And comes from the passionate side from me. For me it's like... hiking, rock climbing. Doesn't sound like much but it feels NICE.

yes, i have dreams
i dream of working with troubled kids
i dream of becoming a mother
lately, i've been wanting a dog, too

see the problem here? it all goes back to the very same thing

Private
World Famous

Evey wrote:

scoff wrote:

Saintal wrote:

scoff wrote:
...and i studied psychiatry
because apparently the only thing i want to do in life is devote myself to people with psychological problems

HAH, I wanted to study psychology... But I couldn't get into the program. Probably for the best AHAH

i'm actually considering going to uni to become a psychologist
i signed up to finish that fucking math course i gotta do and then i think... maybe
either that or something in social psychiatry or sociology
maybe teaching
i'll have to see

Math sounds fun (and like a pain in the ass)!

Hmm, yeah sounds like a plan, and sociology sounds interesting!

Private
National Star

scoff wrote:

Saintal wrote:

scoff wrote:

Saintal wrote:
HAH, I wanted to study psychology... But I couldn't get into the program. Probably for the best AHAH

i'm actually considering going to uni to become a psychologist
i signed up to finish that fucking math course i gotta do and then i think... maybe
either that or something in social psychiatry or sociology
maybe teaching
i'll have to see

Math sounds fun (and like a pain in the ass)!

Hmm, yeah sounds like a plan, and sociology sounds interesting!

i hate math lol but i gotta get that shit done because it's been hanging over me like a fucking cloud for the past idk four years?

Private
World Famous

Evey wrote:

scoff wrote:

Saintal wrote:

scoff wrote:
i think that could be me
i just don't really feel like i exist otherwise, you know?

Sorry to jump into every goddamn conversation here but this topic is the most interesting thing I've found on VP today LOL

Do you have any dreams? (If I may ask.) Like, something you have always wanted to do/experience? Can be small or big. I feel like those "dreams" I have, the things I can say "I don't care if you join because I will do it nonetheless but I would love your company" about, are what makes me feel most alive probably... And comes from the passionate side from me. For me it's like... hiking, rock climbing. Doesn't sound like much but it feels NICE.

yes, i have dreams
i dream of working with troubled kids
i dream of becoming a mother
lately, i've been wanting a dog, too

see the problem here? it all goes back to the very same thing

Yeah I can definitely see the problem. Damn. Of course you feel drained all the time... Yeah maybe you should talk with someone who's a professional about this, who can figure out why your passions and all revolve around others? And how to break that circle.

Or maybe just try to go rock climbing, or to a philosophical café or something! Just try things out where you almost can't do anything for anyone but yourself HAH

Private
World Famous

Evey wrote:

scoff wrote:

Saintal wrote:

scoff wrote:
i'm actually considering going to uni to become a psychologist
i signed up to finish that fucking math course i gotta do and then i think... maybe
either that or something in social psychiatry or sociology
maybe teaching
i'll have to see

Math sounds fun (and like a pain in the ass)!

Hmm, yeah sounds like a plan, and sociology sounds interesting!

i hate math lol but i gotta get that shit done because it's been hanging over me like a fucking cloud for the past idk four years?

Hmm yeah I'm not very good at math but I think it's fun in smaller "portions" hah... but atleast that's something you can do just for yourself! Get that shit out of the way HAH