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Barbarella wrote:
I mean, everyone knows, he's always had this reputation.
When he moved in with me he was going up, doing a lot better, and it all just started rapidly declining.
I gave him a chance to do better, he DID better, and then stagnated and rapidly declined.
I believe everyone deserves chances, but they're not gonna get them from the same people, he's running out of bridges to burn. 

disintegration wrote:
yeah everyone deserves a chance, but not everyone owes you one. 

Barbarella wrote:
@Anachronism I swear you were right, tweaker vibes all the way.

Anachronism wrote:
He has random people in your friends garage? Do they come in and out at random times, particularly in the wee hours in the morning, like 2 am? 

The tweaker upstairs in my moms apartment has all these random homeless friends he invites over. They used to stand outside lined up for showers as if he was running a homeless shelter lol. The landlady shut that shit down but he still let's his friends in all the time, just not all at once anymore haha.

Whenever I visit my mom I can expect Dave's bike in the hallway and his friends chilling on the porch or coming in and out past midnight 

The more you tell me about Brian the more obvious it is that he's relapsed and is using. I hate to break it to you but I'm glad you're not denying it anymore. 

Anachronism wrote:
I'm sorry that happened to you dude. I doubt hes a bad guy and I don't blame you for taking him in or giving him a second chance. I think you're right hes not dealing with any underlying problems and hes not gonna get clean until he does. 

You have a heart of gold really but ppl with substance issues arent to be trusted, as much as I hate to say it. I was coming into work hungover or drunk all the time, smelling of alcohol, was given a second chance by my employer and I'm enrolling in therapy cuz I know I'll start to slip otherwise, even with ppl trying to help lol

It's great you wanna help but Brian isnt doing his part so it's a wasted effort until he does. See it as a learning experience and advise your friend to kick him out. Hes a huge liability, I am sure hes doing drugs w/ his friends in that garage ngl

Anachronism wrote:
I'm sorry that happened to you dude. I doubt hes a bad guy and I don't blame you for taking him in or giving him a second chance. I think you're right hes not dealing with any underlying problems and hes not gonna get clean until he does. 

You have a heart of gold really but ppl with substance issues arent to be trusted, as much as I hate to say it. I was coming into work hungover or drunk all the time, smelling of alcohol, was given a second chance by my employer and I'm enrolling in therapy cuz I know I'll start to slip otherwise, even with ppl trying to help lol

It's great you wanna help but Brian isnt doing his part so it's a wasted effort until he does. See it as a learning experience and advise your friend to kick him out. Hes a huge liability, I am sure hes doing drugs w/ his friends in that garage ngl

Barbarella wrote:
yeah she said he's got people in there all hours, and she's gonna be fucked if her landlord finds out that he's there.
It seems like a case of " you can crash here while you look for a place" and her not realizing that he absolutely was not going to look for a place at any point.

He's handy and he does favors no one asked for to make himself seem indispensable and make you feel like you owe him something, and I'm sure that's what he's doing to her

Anachronism wrote:
Sounds exactly like Dave. Sandy (the landlord) knows hes a tweaker. She even asked if he smokes meth in the apartment, which of course he denied. She wont kick him out cuz he does maintenance work and always pays rent (he had a good job as an engineer on the railroad. He retired early [cuz they started drug testing and he couldn't pass and he failed treatment over ten times] so he has a good monthly pension for life). 

That's classic tweaker shit, exploiting their skills so they can get away with fucking up. It's a shame in Dave's case because he is a cool guy honestly, but he needs to get kicked out and Sandy doesn't have the heart to do it. At 61 hes not gonna clean up and everyone knows it 

Your friend needs to kick him out and consider hiring someone qualified to clean up meth residue. If hes smoking meth with his friends there is probably residue in the walls of that garage. 

Barbarella wrote:
When I let him move in its bc his roommate at the time was a really dumb kid selling weed and I KNEW he was gonna get caught, and one day Brian got arrested on a warrant he claims he didn't know about for unpaid fines and dude told me he was gonna kick brian out bc he'd "bring the cops around"
I let him move in and helped him get into the artist program (he blew it), but he was able to like, mend shit with his family while he stayed with me and his family really seemed to like and appreciate me and he got to see his daughter for the first time in years and then he just stopped ever trying to get out of the situation, like living with me was never supposed to be permanent, but it didn't have a sell-by date either.

she 100% does not believe he's on drugs, like she just sounds like I did about 8 months ago

Anachronism wrote:
Oh he knew about that warrant lol 

I hope you dont beat yourself up for being in denial. I met my tweaker ex bf through another ex who worked with him. He knew he used in the past but he thought he was clean but it turns out he was using regularly the entire time. It doesnt make you stupid. It's just human nature to root for other people. You wanted the best for Brian but sadly I dont think you can do anything. I know it sucks. 

Hopefully your friend wises up because he will get her into trouble if she let's him bring shady people over.

Barbarella wrote:
I'm glad you're getting help with drinking, it's got some of the most dangerous withdrawls of any substance.  It's so tricky because it's so fucking accessible 

Barbarella wrote:
I done all I could, I told her what I knew and what I don't.
It's all up to her now. 

Anachronism wrote:
Do you think Brian's friend was using? 

Honestly you deserve to feel safe in your own home. If you ever need to vent pm me at any time, I know how frustrating is trying to help people and realizing there isnt much you really can do. 

I'm glad you realize this is on your friend, not you. You're a lot stronger than you think, he gave you a lot of shit and I know you'll get through it.