how often do you guys - Forum

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AtlantaG1912 wrote:
at the moment as we are all busy with work it just goes off when people are available. My best friend we have a facetime catch up one a week as she moved down south for work back in 2019 but she's coming up to celebrate her birthday at the end of the month and i'm so excited as it's the first time we've seen each other since christmas 2019 xx

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Rouya wrote:

Skinneh wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Skinneh wrote:
Never. I don't have any friends (not involuntary)

It's not weird to grow out of friendships as you grow older. Naturally you become more busy as you age which means less time to spend on other people. Maybe you're just not as social as your other friends. Nothing weird about that.

i wish i had more friends that i could spend time with from time to time tho
currently my problem is that while i do have friends, they all live hours apart from me and where i live i have maybe 1 friend who is the most absentminded person in the world so i dont see her very often and im primarily the one who initiates contact

but i guess a lot of it also stems from like being scared of being "found out" as someone who doesnt have friends? if you know what i mean? idk im scared of being judged i guess

why dont you have friends?

Maybe you should try getting new friends who live closer to you in addition to your long-distance friends?

Don't worry about being judged too much. Your real friends wouldn't care whether you have 2 or 20 friends. It's not a big deal.

But to answer your question, I'm just a huge introvert. I don't get enjoyment out of being around people. I can cope for work/school related stuff but I much prefer spending my days alone. I've always been that way.

i do, it's hard. takes so much energy to nourish new relationships and get them to where they feel safe and you know it will be long term and not just go away with the smallest of breezes

but i admire that you spend your time alone and enjoy it, i want to get better at doing that

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BloomCissi wrote:
Almost never.

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ouch wrote:
Me looking atthis thread likewow I do not want to grow up n get 0-1 friend

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Skinneh wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Skinneh wrote:

Rouya wrote:
i wish i had more friends that i could spend time with from time to time tho
currently my problem is that while i do have friends, they all live hours apart from me and where i live i have maybe 1 friend who is the most absentminded person in the world so i dont see her very often and im primarily the one who initiates contact

but i guess a lot of it also stems from like being scared of being "found out" as someone who doesnt have friends? if you know what i mean? idk im scared of being judged i guess

why dont you have friends?

Maybe you should try getting new friends who live closer to you in addition to your long-distance friends?

Don't worry about being judged too much. Your real friends wouldn't care whether you have 2 or 20 friends. It's not a big deal.

But to answer your question, I'm just a huge introvert. I don't get enjoyment out of being around people. I can cope for work/school related stuff but I much prefer spending my days alone. I've always been that way.

i do, it's hard. takes so much energy to nourish new relationships and get them to where they feel safe and you know it will be long term and not just go away with the smallest of breezes

but i admire that you spend your time alone and enjoy it, i want to get better at doing that

I think everyone should practice enjoying spending time alone. In the end of the day, people whether that's friends or family will always come and go but you're always stuck with yourself so you might as well get familiar with that feeling. I'm definitely on the more "extreme end" of being alone but there's always that healthy medium of being happy and comfortable alone but also with others.

You shouldn't feel so pessimistic about making new friends though. I understand where you're coming from but if the alternative is not getting the amount of social interactions you desire, I do think that is a risk worth taking.

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Rouya wrote:

Nice wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Nice wrote:
i have 1 friend irl
n we're gonna meet sometime now in july for the first time in 6 years
honestly i don't know how often we'll meet but i would guess maybeee 2 times a month

other than that i have a contact person i meet twice a month

n that's it rly except for meetings

but yea,, i would wish there would be more socialisation but then on the other hand i need to rest and recharge quite a lot due to my autism
so while i like being social, i also like being by myself
i don't have a partner

i see

what do you do otherwise? like work, school? how do you feel about the socialisation there? sorry if it's too personal, im just curious and also autistic so im trying to figure out expectations for myself as an adult in regards to socialising

do you feel lonely or like you're missing something, or are you ok with how things are? bc i have a hard time like connecting needing lots and lots of space with feeling like i need constant interaction and validation

i have a bf who i see often but i constantly feel like something's "wrong" bc i dont have many friends (edit: while he has many friends and is very social) - especially where i live now, i have like no friends only my bf and i feel bad about it

i do have the daily activity center twice a week n my goal is to be able to hold speeches abt my experiences !
so i don't rly 'work' in the normal sense of the term,, but my working ability is at 25% currently, therefor me having lots of spare time
i do have 2 mentors rly and it's very individual ,, which that specific center caters to due to my problems working in teams,, so this place is rly for me !
but in terms of socialisation, it's more so with adults, i am an adult myself but what i mean is 30+
so i don't rly talk with people my age as i find it rather difficult to find common ground

i would say it's a mix of both u know! like at times i wish i just functioned 'normally' and would be able to just go out and get friends and just enjoy daily life more
but then again, that would make me rly anxious because for me it takes ages before i trust a person and i can easily take things the wrong way making it very problematic for my brain to compute with
i usually say that i have 'contacts' rather than friends, due to me being able to distance myself in a way,, there isn't as much responsibility or pressure for me when i know i meet my 'contacts'
i do like being by myself but it can't be for too long cause then i get rly anxious
i am a person who likes talking with people (after having done lots of therapy myself to overcome my social fears) and sometimes that's a problem because i only have a limited amount of people i can talk to

i'm sorry u feel like ur 'wrong' but personally i don't think so,, it's just a bit complicated for u and i would bet it could be because it's harder to understand what people mean / want or / and you need to feel that certain trust to a person to be able to continue a relationship that then turns into friendship
like i feel u in so many ways and i know it's hard but the problem here isn't u, ur totally fine
it's more so that the world isn't made for people with autism

the bolded out part is especially what im struggling with

like i wish i could function 'normally' and make friends bc it seems like it would just be so much easier, and i dont know any people like me irl so the only ones i have to compare myself to is neurotypicals who just 'do things', you know? they just go out, hang out with friends, meet people, not thinking about it that much. i just overanalyze so much and every thing is such a drain on my energy
but i as well love talking to people, so it's a problem that it's so draining to do the thing i want to all the time, bc i too get anxious if i spend too much time alone. it's like if i'm alone for too long, my brain starts doing some weird things, overanalysing
i wish i had more ppl to talk to but it's not just any ppl, bc in reality i wish i had more ppl to talk to who were like me, you know

i have such a hard time maintaining new friendships. i dont struggle with making new friends, but i just lose them again quickly, bc unless i feel that 'connection' of them understanding me, then i dont trust them and cant maintain a friendship with them. i have experienced so many times where ppl consider me their friend while in my head they are nothing more than a 'contact' to me bc they aren't 'safe' people to me

aghh i think im just beginning to be fed up about being autistic and alone about it while still trying to fit into this neurotypical world and making neurotypical friends

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wrote:
Rarely.

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Rouya wrote:

Skinneh wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Skinneh wrote:
Maybe you should try getting new friends who live closer to you in addition to your long-distance friends?

Don't worry about being judged too much. Your real friends wouldn't care whether you have 2 or 20 friends. It's not a big deal.

But to answer your question, I'm just a huge introvert. I don't get enjoyment out of being around people. I can cope for work/school related stuff but I much prefer spending my days alone. I've always been that way.

i do, it's hard. takes so much energy to nourish new relationships and get them to where they feel safe and you know it will be long term and not just go away with the smallest of breezes

but i admire that you spend your time alone and enjoy it, i want to get better at doing that

I think everyone should practice enjoying spending time alone. In the end of the day, people whether that's friends or family will always come and go but you're always stuck with yourself so you might as well get familiar with that feeling. I'm definitely on the more "extreme end" of being alone but there's always that healthy medium of being happy and comfortable alone but also with others.

You shouldn't feel so pessimistic about making new friends though. I understand where you're coming from but if the alternative is not getting the amount of social interactions you desire, I do think that is a risk worth taking.

yeah i tell myself that too, that i need to be able to rely more on myself and feel content with just me, as i cant be dependent on others forever. ppl come and go as you say. it's just very hard to practise lol

and yeah i know i do take the risk, quite often actually, i just struggle with maintaining the relationships i then make bc either i feel like we aren't clicking, or i feel like they dont get me or whatever. im a little picky with the people i like unfortunately, and it's not something im in control of (seeing as im autistic and need for people to understand that, and many just dont, sadly) :-(
it might just bc it's summer right now and everyone is on holiday or doing stuff with friends/family, just staying busy in general, while im just sorta stuck in a city where i dont know many. im telling myself it'll get better once uni starts up again and i'll meet new people

so i guess until then i will just have to practice being enough on my own

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Rouya wrote:

Nesta wrote:
Rarely.

makes me feel better

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Evey wrote:
i have a partner since 1,5 years

when i have uni studies, i meet my friend around 4 times a week i would say. during the summer, i meet my childhood friend maybe 4 times a week when i'm in my hometown. right now when i'm mostly at my boyfriend's i meet her maybe once a week for a hike or so. but that's because i take the time and meet her, not because it fits my schedule like it does when i meet my school friend during uni studies... have another friend that i only meet like once a month during summer and maybe twice a year during uni studies, and i guess that's about it.

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wrote:
never. i dont have any friends.

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Rouya wrote:

ouch wrote:
Me looking atthis thread likewow I do not want to grow up n get 0-1 friend

i think we are the same age (or nearly)

but yeah that is kind of what im struggling with lol

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Evey wrote:

ouch wrote:
Me looking atthis thread likewow I do not want to grow up n get 0-1 friend

yeah it sucks

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Raquelle wrote:
Depends
now at summer not very much cus everyone is working... i see people at work that’s enough
also my best friends live in other sides of the country
so i see them a few times a year
the friends i have in this town i see hmm like every other week maybe

soon school starts tho and then i will hang out with my school friend quite a lot bc he is very social and wants to see a lot... atm we live in different towns too. But the i can just go over and he can talk and i can watch TV that’s nice. We will probably see couple times a week.

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Rouya wrote:

Obliges wrote:
never. i dont have any friends.

why not?