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how do i tell my partner
Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:
Does anyone actually have any advice or like
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 04-11-2021 16:33
Private
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Melody wrote:
brunhilde wrote:
tough pickle indeed

as someone extremely anti-alcohol due to being raised by alcoholics, i couldn't see myself dating someone who drank just to get drunk. if this person knew u were in this situation before u began dating, then they should have some understanding, no? but if they love u, i'd assume they're more worried than actually angry at u
to add, i love my parents but i had to move away bc it took such a toll on my mental health. it was nothing personal towards them, altho my dad was super scary bc he got particularly aggressive when intoxicated
19
Posts: 8468
Date: 04-11-2021 16:35
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Melody wrote:
also it's hard to offer u help from any other POV than our own oop
like i said, it's more likely they're worried rather than angry, they might scold u when they get home but i think they would understand in the end that u can do it. there gotta be a reason they're still with u
19
Posts: 8468
Date: 04-11-2021 16:37
Private
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Claire wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Does anyone actually have any advice or like
Just say it. There’s no like right way to break this news that won’t hurt them. 
21
Posts: 55674
Date: 04-11-2021 16:37
Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:
brunhilde wrote:
tough pickle indeed

as someone extremely anti-alcohol due to being raised by alcoholics, i couldn't see myself dating someone who drank just to get drunk. if this person knew u were in this situation before u began dating, then they should have some understanding, no? but if they love u, i'd assume they're more worried than actually angry at u
I think they don't know how they can support me mostly because they don't understand. I didn't decide I needed to get sober until long into ur relationship and they also went sober 
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 04-11-2021 16:38
Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:
Claire wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Does anyone actually have any advice or like
Just say it. There’s no like right way to break this news that won’t hurt them. 
Can I ask you to leave and for you to accept that?
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 04-11-2021 16:38
Private
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Claire wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Claire wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Does anyone actually have any advice or like
Just say it. There’s no like right way to break this news that won’t hurt them. 
Can I ask you to leave and for you to accept that?
Ok. Good luck with this one. 
21
Posts: 55674
Date: 04-11-2021 16:39
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
brunhilde wrote:
also it's hard to offer u help from any other POV than our own oop
like i said, it's more likely they're worried rather than angry, they might scold u when they get home but i think they would understand in the end that u can do it. there gotta be a reason they're still with u
I think they trust my ability to overcome or they would have given up on me. I just hope they doesn't see this relapse for more than it actually is
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 04-11-2021 16:42
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
Claire wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Claire wrote:
Just say it. There’s no like right way to break this news that won’t hurt them. 
Can I ask you to leave and for you to accept that?
Ok. Good luck with this one. 
Thank you.
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 04-11-2021 16:42
Private
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Barbarella wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Does anyone actually have any advice or like
Apologies accompanied by changed behavior are the only ones that really count,
I wish you the best of luck and I really believe you can beat this, I can tell you truly want to and that goes a long way.
It sounds like he doesn't truly understand what addiction is, what it does to people, and maybe you can find some resources from your counselor/nurse to help you bridge that gap with him, because you need someone understanding and supportive.
20
Posts: 8718
Date: 04-11-2021 16:42
Private
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Melody wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
brunhilde wrote:
tough pickle indeed

as someone extremely anti-alcohol due to being raised by alcoholics, i couldn't see myself dating someone who drank just to get drunk. if this person knew u were in this situation before u began dating, then they should have some understanding, no? but if they love u, i'd assume they're more worried than actually angry at u
I think they don't know how they can support me mostly because they don't understand. I didn't decide I needed to get sober until long into ur relationship and they also went sober 
oh so they also went sober? then imo they should or could encourage u softly tho i get that that can also make u uncomfy, and they might know that and might just be frustrated they don't know how to support/help u :/ i think it's a great step that u can admit it's an issue and are showing signs that u can overcome it. i believe u can do it, and i hope they do too 
19
Posts: 8468
Date: 04-11-2021 16:47
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Does anyone actually have any advice or like
Apologies accompanied by changed behavior are the only ones that really count,
I wish you the best of luck and I really believe you can beat this, I can tell you truly want to and that goes a long way.
It sounds like he doesn't truly understand what addiction is, what it does to people, and maybe you can find some resources from your counselor/nurse to help you bridge that gap with him, because you need someone understanding and supportive.
That is true. 
Thank you
I've been trying to be as open as I can and tell him what I know but I can understand why it's hard to understand
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 04-11-2021 16:55
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
brunhilde wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
brunhilde wrote:
tough pickle indeed

as someone extremely anti-alcohol due to being raised by alcoholics, i couldn't see myself dating someone who drank just to get drunk. if this person knew u were in this situation before u began dating, then they should have some understanding, no? but if they love u, i'd assume they're more worried than actually angry at u
I think they don't know how they can support me mostly because they don't understand. I didn't decide I needed to get sober until long into ur relationship and they also went sober 
oh so they also went sober? then imo they should or could encourage u softly tho i get that that can also make u uncomfy, and they might know that and might just be frustrated they don't know how to support/help u :/ i think it's a great step that u can admit it's an issue and are showing signs that u can overcome it. i believe u can do it, and i hope they do too 
Yea, it has really helped being with someone that doesn't drink or have alcohol at home
thank you (:
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 04-11-2021 16:57
Private
National star



Sylvan wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Does anyone actually have any advice or like
stop going to bars if you think it's still too tempting and tell your partner that your addiction is a serious illness and that you try your best but that not taking it seriously is harmful to your staying sober.

If the relationship harms your sobriety you should prioritize being sober.
16
Posts: 17933
Date: 04-11-2021 16:59
Private
World famous



Barbarella wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Does anyone actually have any advice or like
Apologies accompanied by changed behavior are the only ones that really count,
I wish you the best of luck and I really believe you can beat this, I can tell you truly want to and that goes a long way.
It sounds like he doesn't truly understand what addiction is, what it does to people, and maybe you can find some resources from your counselor/nurse to help you bridge that gap with him, because you need someone understanding and supportive.
That is true. 
Thank you
I've been trying to be as open as I can and tell him what I know but I can understand why it's hard to understand
Sometimes it's hard to find the right language to express what we're going through, whether it be addiction, mental illness, chronic pain, etc.
I find that folks respond best to metaphors in my experiences.
But addiction counselors have seen it all, and they (should) have a whole arsenal of resources at their disposal.
20
Posts: 8718
Date: 04-11-2021 16:59
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