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at which point do i give up on trying to be
ad0xa
World Famous



ad0xa wrote:
meilin wrote:
thank you people of vp once again for your moral support 

 np!
21
Posts: 15000
Date: 28-10-2026 18:06
Private
International Star



meilin wrote:
ad0xa wrote:
meilin wrote:
ad0xa wrote:
I think just stay in the group and quietly stop attending. If they ask you about it maybe come up with something like "I was  busy" and if they press you about it they're not being nice. Grownup friendship is not something where you constantly have to explain yourself. If you say a white lie to be nice the normal response is to just go "ah okay they're being nice" not hound you for a explanation or trying to poke hole in whatever reason you gave. I get that in autistic groups it might be harder bc we tend to want explanations XD but the feeling I'm getting is that this group won't actually accept "I just don't feel like it" but you know them better so if you think that would be fine to say, you can ofc say that! 

The main thing is that you shouldn't have to explain yourself for not joining a group. 
You're not required to do that. 
In a one and one relationship with a person you kinda are required to give an explanation if they ask you, bc it's more... close? But in a group setting I don't think it's normal to have to do that. 
true youre so right!! idk why im overthinking this so hard aehggh
No I totally get it I do that too. Especially being autistic you always overanalyze things to not "break any social rules" XD bc they are weird and hard to understand and we grew up constantly hearing we're doing the wrong thing. Ofc any small situation is going to be bigger to us. 
yesss def and i feel like im a bit more on the..... deficient side than they are when it comes to social stuff so i try to be extra careful 
18
Posts: 14033
Date: 28-10-2026 18:08
ad0xa
World Famous



ad0xa wrote:
meilin wrote:
ad0xa wrote:
meilin wrote:
true youre so right!! idk why im overthinking this so hard aehggh
No I totally get it I do that too. Especially being autistic you always overanalyze things to not "break any social rules" XD bc they are weird and hard to understand and we grew up constantly hearing we're doing the wrong thing. Ofc any small situation is going to be bigger to us. 
yesss def and i feel like im a bit more on the..... deficient side than they are when it comes to social stuff so i try to be extra careful 
awww yeah then it's not surprising but you're doing fine  
21
Posts: 15000
Date: 28-10-2026 18:13
Private
Popstar



bexxi wrote:
meilin wrote:
but if i stop attending, will it look like i actively dislike them, if i then still attend the general autism support group events and other gcs like one where people occasionally have tea together? since the people from this group are also active on those. do i still stay in the gc for this group? just quietly stop attending? idk.
i think u are overthinking it 
from how you described them they dont really think about you all that much (not meant in a mean way)n so they probably wont ask why you stopped attending ther hangouts and even if they do you can just say it was a bit too much for you. i doubt you need to feel bad for still meeting them at other things they attend as well
15
Posts: 4043
Date: 28-10-2026 18:28
Private
International Star



meilin wrote:
bexxi wrote:
meilin wrote:
but if i stop attending, will it look like i actively dislike them, if i then still attend the general autism support group events and other gcs like one where people occasionally have tea together? since the people from this group are also active on those. do i still stay in the gc for this group? just quietly stop attending? idk.
i think u are overthinking it 
from how you described them they dont really think about you all that much (not meant in a mean way)n so they probably wont ask why you stopped attending ther hangouts and even if they do you can just say it was a bit too much for you. i doubt you need to feel bad for still meeting them at other things they attend as well
hmm true, i have skipped the last two of the weekly meetings and no one said anything
18
Posts: 14033
Date: 28-10-2026 18:38
Private
International Star



meilin wrote:
i'll try bumble bff again i think, maybe i can find new people to hangout with from there
18
Posts: 14033
Date: 28-10-2026 18:41
Private
International Star



meilin wrote:
meilin wrote:
i'll try bumble bff again i think, maybe i can find new people to hangout with from there
dang this city is so small i put the filter to be from 21 to 34 and distance up to 12km away and im already out of people  maybe i should try the app when im at uni since it seems to country block the nl even though im literally right next to the border
18
Posts: 14033
Date: 28-10-2026 18:45
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