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shoot me tho
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
Charlie wrote:
I wont comment on your situation but i'll say this: I feel you.
I hope it gets better and they hit the hardest when you're already feeling like shit it can really put you down, like rockbottom type of down.
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 09:53
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
i talked to my bestie the entire night last night, we were on facetime and it helped a lot bc it kinda distracted me when we could actually see each other. i cried a lot too but was a good distraction. i'm probably gonna do that tonight again
i also texted another friend of mine, that i've sadly been neglecting a lot lately (bc work and everything being so fucking much, i've apologized to her a hundred times about it) and told her about the breakup and that i'm really sad. she's such a good person and i know she'll either call me or even come over whenever our schedules allow us to. i'm off from work fri-sun and i'll go to my moms on friday, planned that for a while now bc i haven't been there for long. i hate that i'll have to tell her and my family that i'm no longer with johan. they adore him. his parents adore me too, and i adore them. it makes me sad knowing they'll be sad too.

fuck now i started thinking about his cabin that we went to a few times last summer. i loved it there, and it was so dreamy being with the person you love on a small island in the summer, drinking, swimming, going on walks, boating, fucking, loving. we were gonna go there again this spring, as soon as we could. and now we won't. fuck
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 09:59
Pitbull
Popstar



Pitbull wrote:
cobain wrote:
i talked to my bestie the entire night last night, we were on facetime and it helped a lot bc it kinda distracted me when we could actually see each other. i cried a lot too but was a good distraction. i'm probably gonna do that tonight again
i also texted another friend of mine, that i've sadly been neglecting a lot lately (bc work and everything being so fucking much, i've apologized to her a hundred times about it) and told her about the breakup and that i'm really sad. she's such a good person and i know she'll either call me or even come over whenever our schedules allow us to. i'm off from work fri-sun and i'll go to my moms on friday, planned that for a while now bc i haven't been there for long. i hate that i'll have to tell her and my family that i'm no longer with johan. they adore him. his parents adore me too, and i adore them. it makes me sad knowing they'll be sad too.

fuck now i started thinking about his cabin that we went to a few times last summer. i loved it there, and it was so dreamy being with the person you love on a small island in the summer, drinking, swimming, going on walks, boating, fucking, loving. we were gonna go there again this spring, as soon as we could. and now we won't. fuck
But you'll go other places, you'll love just as much. Im happy to hear that you have a selection of friends you can use as a safety net for now.
It doesn't matter what both parties parents think. You need to focus on yourself and your own needs. Imagine if you didn't do this and let's say 2 years from now you look back regretting not listening to yourself.
18
Posts: 11412
Date: 09-03-2021 10:04
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
Escobar wrote:
cobain wrote:
i talked to my bestie the entire night last night, we were on facetime and it helped a lot bc it kinda distracted me when we could actually see each other. i cried a lot too but was a good distraction. i'm probably gonna do that tonight again
i also texted another friend of mine, that i've sadly been neglecting a lot lately (bc work and everything being so fucking much, i've apologized to her a hundred times about it) and told her about the breakup and that i'm really sad. she's such a good person and i know she'll either call me or even come over whenever our schedules allow us to. i'm off from work fri-sun and i'll go to my moms on friday, planned that for a while now bc i haven't been there for long. i hate that i'll have to tell her and my family that i'm no longer with johan. they adore him. his parents adore me too, and i adore them. it makes me sad knowing they'll be sad too.

fuck now i started thinking about his cabin that we went to a few times last summer. i loved it there, and it was so dreamy being with the person you love on a small island in the summer, drinking, swimming, going on walks, boating, fucking, loving. we were gonna go there again this spring, as soon as we could. and now we won't. fuck
But you'll go other places, you'll love just as much. Im happy to hear that you have a selection of friends you can use as a safety net for now.
It doesn't matter what both parties parents think. You need to focus on yourself and your own needs. Imagine if you didn't do this and let's say 2 years from now you look back regretting not listening to yourself.
i know but it hurts too much now, i can't think of anything else
what if i look back on this and regret breaking up omg i can't take this. i miss him, i just want him to hug me
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 10:18
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
my face is all swollen from crying and i can only not cry for like 10 minutes at a time
i'm gonna put makeup on in a while bc i'm going to work but i know it'll show i've been crying still and i don't want anyone to ask me what's wrong, i don't want my coworkers to know, it'll just make me more sad. i really hope i can put on a mask and just go into work mode. this day will be tough as hell
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 10:21
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
haven't been able to eat since yesterday morning either. i feel sick to my stomach i just can't eat but i know i'll have to at some point. but rn i just can't, i'm gonna puke if i do
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 10:23
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
he got into that education he wanted to as well, i know it probably would've made things a bit better between us... him having something to do during the days, like i do, so there's more of a "distance", that we're both like being stimulated by something. getting more money so he can pay for more things... all that...
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 10:28
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
i just feel like i can't be a good girlfriend to him. i'm not what he needs rn, and he's probably not what i need rn. that sounds absolutely horrible, but that's what even got me thinking about breaking up in the first place.

it's been an ongoing thing for us that i'm not that engaged in like any aspect of our relationship. and i know that, i'm aware of that and i have been this entire time, but i just can't be rn. everything is just a lot and i feel very bad mentally. i've literally been such a bitch at times bc i don't listen to him when he talks to me, don't want to do things cuz i have no energy etc. but i feel incapable of changing it at this moment. and he's been understanding of that yet of course it makes him sad, so that's been a part of our issues. but if i just... idk... i could've asked for more alone time or something. he would be fine with that, i know that... but i didn't.
this is eating me up i can't stop thinking about it and him and i wonder how he's doing but i won't text him now bc he still hasn't answered since yesterday. i miss him so much
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 10:54
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
i hope his mom can like... give him some insight or whatever. i know she's a very understanding and sweet person and i feel like she'd understand my perspective. if he even tells her about it and my reason, i guess. maybe he's so upset that he'd just trash talk me. i don't think so though. he'd possibly just tell them we've broken up and then not say anything else. i know he doesn't talk about things a lot. just with me, basically.
maybe his best friend could understand me too. they used to be a couple wayyy back and she's also very smart. idk. i'm just thinking too much. i just hope he has a good support system now, if he even opens up about it to them. it's likely that he won't.

i've applied makeup and stopped crying. i'm going to work in about an hour. i only have a 5 hour shift today and my bestie said i could call him as soon as i quit so i'll do that. i will not cry until i quit, it's only like 6-ish hours until then. then i can cry all i want because i'm just going home and i won't budge for the rest of the night. i'll just stay inside and cry and talk to my bestie. 
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 12:18
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
he has said i'm the light of his life. and i was. but i'm not anymore. i've switched that light off for him. i can't even explain with words how sad i am and how i feel physically ill about all of this. i know i'm just rambling on and repeating myself but i don't know what else to do, i'm trying to cope. i did this to myself, and to him. it feels wrong in so many ways
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 12:21
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
i went through a big heartbreak last march too. it was absolutely horrible, but this is worse.
march is just a bad month from now on.
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 12:24
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
horrible day. i managed to not cry at work but i've been lowkey dissociating i think, just weird. i think my coworkers noticed something was wrong but they didn't ask and that's good because i don't want them to know. and i think i'd burst into tears if they asked me.

came home and fell apart. my apartment smells like him. and it's just weird knowing he won't come here tonight. i've always rushed home from work to see him. not now. and i found a shirt he'd forgotten and it smells like him. i miss him so much and i can't stop crying again
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 19:25
Cobain
International Star



cobain wrote:
please can someone just tell me what to do, i don't know what to do. everything feels bad and everything reminds me of him
19
Posts: 10232
Date: 09-03-2021 19:30
Private
World Famous



luminescence wrote:
my heart hurts reading this because it reminds me of the stuff i've experienced myself

if you ever want to talk to someone, feel free to message me anytime  for bad advice or just distraction
21
Posts: 24182
Date: 09-03-2021 19:37
Private
National Star



kagura wrote:
it's shit, but only time will help. i'm just dealing with a break up too and it's been only 2 weeks, but i still already feel little bit better. but it really do hurt and there's really nothing that can help it. talk with your friends/family and take care of yourself <3 
14
Posts: 7616
Date: 09-03-2021 19:46
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