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Poll: do u struggle with suicidal thoughts
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reason for living
Private
World Famous



Evey wrote:
interests that makes me, me? not sure, i have interests from time to time to keep life interesting. self sufficiency is cool, cosplaying is something i wouldn't mind getting more into, i like what i study as well (law), i like to read about cool places on earth and then visiting them. hiking. 

i think it's good to not think too hard about things if it tends to make you feel like life's shit. people who think less seem to be more content so i try to embody that

also, i've come to realise most of adult life is about not feeling like shit. so, hiking, yoga, interests to occupy yourself etc wqjdiowqjdqwoi sounds depressing but doesn't have to be
17
Posts: 8503
Date: 21-06-2022 20:36
Alam
World Famous



Alam wrote:
I answered this before but I have a new answer. If I die now, I die a failure, I die useless. I don't want to be useless forever.
20
Posts: 23097
Date: 21-06-2022 20:38
Private
National Star



Sobbing wrote:
Evey wrote:
interests that makes me, me? not sure, i have interests from time to time to keep life interesting. self sufficiency is cool, cosplaying is something i wouldn't mind getting more into, i like what i study as well (law), i like to read about cool places on earth and then visiting them. hiking. 

i think it's good to not think too hard about things if it tends to make you feel like life's shit. people who think less seem to be more content so i try to embody that

also, i've come to realise most of adult life is about not feeling like shit. so, hiking, yoga, interests to occupy yourself etc wqjdiowqjdqwoi sounds depressing but doesn't have to be
do u feel like u have had a stable childhood / good relationship with ur parents
or that ur from a middleclass family
hiking, studying etc seems like stuff from those categories i am genuinely just curious

have u felt worse than this before or did it take time to get to this point or has it always been this way
17
Posts: 9853
Date: 21-06-2022 20:40
Private
National Star



Sobbing wrote:
Alam wrote:
I answered this before but I have a new answer. If I die now, I die a failure, I die useless. I don't want to be useless forever.
how are u planning on changing that (in ur head, personally, according to ur values)
17
Posts: 9853
Date: 21-06-2022 20:41
Private
World Famous



Evey wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
Evey wrote:
interests that makes me, me? not sure, i have interests from time to time to keep life interesting. self sufficiency is cool, cosplaying is something i wouldn't mind getting more into, i like what i study as well (law), i like to read about cool places on earth and then visiting them. hiking. 

i think it's good to not think too hard about things if it tends to make you feel like life's shit. people who think less seem to be more content so i try to embody that

also, i've come to realise most of adult life is about not feeling like shit. so, hiking, yoga, interests to occupy yourself etc wqjdiowqjdqwoi sounds depressing but doesn't have to be
do u feel like u have had a stable childhood / good relationship with ur parents
or that ur from a middleclass family
hiking, studying etc seems like stuff from those categories i am genuinely just curious

have u felt worse than this before or did it take time to get to this point or has it always been this way
not to share my whole past but *continues to share her whole past*

not a stable childhood no
good relationship with mom, not with my dad
they have disliked eachother for as long as i can remember. pretty sure it has fucked me up a bit lol. same goes for my dad being a semi-alcoholic that can also be pretty fucking nasty while being drunk. 

my parents don't hike or anything like that, i started that interest myself. don't know why, it came from "within" i guess lol. but i do come from a middle class family and i was active throughout my childhood (athletics and skiing)

when i was a teenager i couldn't see myself survive through the years where i had to live at home, so i felt pretty lost when i actually turned 18 and wasn't under my dads authority anymore. he became less of a dick at that point as well since i had the option of flipping him off at that point (he felt like he had less power at that point i guess). still a dick to my mom though

my issues with anxiety has gotten worse with time. i think it is all mostly related to my love life which is fucked up and i feel like i'm a bit fucked in the head in that apartment. makes sense, considering what i've just written lol. i think i've kept growing throughout the years tho but yeah i would probably benefit from some real therapy. yoga, friendships and hiking is helping some though! 

idk if i answered the questions but yeah
it was an attempt ahaha
17
Posts: 8503
Date: 21-06-2022 20:51
Private
World Famous



Evey wrote:
i think i'm a pretty negative person in general so that might be why but 
when i look back onto my life i can see like, maybe 3 months being actually good (by accident) 
if that answers the last question better

other than that it has been pretty much the same amount of dark probably (like, a good amount but not enough to be like, "oh yeah time to give up completely" for a longer period of time). 
17
Posts: 8503
Date: 21-06-2022 20:56
Aske
Prince of Pop



Aske wrote:
i want to live, i will not go voluntarily i have unfinished business 
20
Posts: 13789
Date: 21-06-2022 21:06
Aske
Prince of Pop



Aske wrote:
like, skills i want to acquire, places i want to go, stuff i want to experience, books i want to read, people i want to get to know better idk it would be a bad time to die
20
Posts: 13789
Date: 21-06-2022 21:07 | Times changed: 1
Yeule
International Star



yeule wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
yeule wrote:
my friend anna really gets me through it, she got me through my junior year by giving me rides and always checking on me, our last names are next to eachother and she's been so ready to graduate right beside me next may* and brings it up so much, i'll always love her to death and i swear she's some kind of guardian angel that changed a lot for me, she got me more into clubs which widened my friend group i'm just happy i met her i think when i think certain things i just think about like not leaving her? she got me through a lot i wouldn't want to do that to her is what goes on in my head
but what if she disappears
how can u depend onto one person for happiness
or would you describe urself as a stable person
i've tried to answer this multiple times while high jesus
it's then vs now in my head like lockdown me wouldn't be able to handle it, but now i feel like i've been brought to the point where i feel stable enough and like i can actually function now, if shes gone then id say i could handle it, oh yeah the second one i feel like if the person can provide what you need then it's possible
15
Posts: 509
Date: 21-06-2022 21:07
Alam
World Famous



Alam wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
Alam wrote:
I answered this before but I have a new answer. If I die now, I die a failure, I die useless. I don't want to be useless forever.
how are u planning on changing that (in ur head, personally, according to ur values)
The end goal is med school but to get there I have a lot of shit I need to get out of the way so yeh
20
Posts: 23097
Date: 21-06-2022 21:08
Private
National Star



Coralin wrote:
Friends and possibly getting better at some point even though I've developed some amazing new mental health problems. To be honest I just want to feel like I'm alive again. Would be nice.

Idk, my whole still being here is because of my friends so that's the main thing for sure.
18
Posts: 12668
Date: 22-06-2022 12:31
Snailman
Streetmusician



snailman wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
snailman wrote:
i really love my job and i love working out and looking sexy and honestly that keeps me going even when im cleaning diarrhea toilets at 6am 

either u love cleanng diarrhea toilets at 6am or its a hobby 
oh  its my part time job, my real job is (going to be) full time CG-generalist/3D modeler for games
15
Posts: 9002
Date: 23-06-2022 17:38
Private
Living Legend



Maxwell wrote:
my mother is an emotional woman she wud b very sad 
17
Posts: 33681
Date: 23-06-2022 18:16
Private
Youtube Star



devilcake wrote:
cat

meow meow

n my roleplays, i wanna see how they turn out, like when i was the most soesidal in hs the one thing that made me eggcited to wake up was seing what my rp partners had written while i slept
19
Posts: 194082
Date: 23-06-2022 18:22
Private
National Star



Sobbing wrote:
have ur reasons changed
if why or why not
what keeps u going
17
Posts: 9853
Date: 10-08-2022 19:45
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