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Poll: do u struggle with suicidal thoughts
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reason for living
Pitbull
Popstar



Pitbull wrote:
i really like being a slut quite frankly
18
Posts: 11412
Date: 10-08-2022 20:17
Private
National Star



Sobbing wrote:
like i get it unga bunga monkey brain say stay alive so i stay alive
but outside of that
yes everyone fears death
everyone reports fear before attempted suicide

but what makes life bearable? ionly thing i can think of are pets or other humans
17
Posts: 9853
Date: 10-08-2022 20:18
Hmm
National Star



hmm wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
hmm wrote:
i dunno, technically nothing but when i think about how i'd feel in the moment of the deed i know i'd tap out because i'd start thinking about things like friends, family (albeit a very shitty one), my "goals", etc. even though in a more lucid state those things aren't enough to make me want to live. i'm indifferent to uwuwuw but they're gonna be sad uwuw, grief is 100% allowed but life must go on i suppose
i suppose my sentimentality is the thing keeping me going, also cus idunno i'm too lazy for anything and i don't take my very depressed states seriously long enough because i know i'll find a distraction that will amend the feeling anyways yes, like looking at art or watching youtube wow, very mundane but my brain is easily entertained yes.
plus i've been worse off before and it brought me nowhere so i try to remind myself to not repeat what i did back then yes, sometimes i do it obvi cus it's only natural and my brain really really likes the familiarity of it, but yes it do be an uphill battle or whateva is saidĀ Ā that's the shittiest part tbh it only adds to the misery but u gotta do what u gotta do .... also monkey brain survival instincts yes, there's a surprising amount of people who spend their whole lives being suicidal yet never commit the deed
but WHAT do u live for
what do u mean! i think the answer is nothing idkĀ 
15
Posts: 31488
Date: 10-08-2022 20:18
Private
International Star



wug wrote:
hmm wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
hmm wrote:
i dunno, technically nothing but when i think about how i'd feel in the moment of the deed i know i'd tap out because i'd start thinking about things like friends, family (albeit a very shitty one), my "goals", etc. even though in a more lucid state those things aren't enough to make me want to live. i'm indifferent to uwuwuw but they're gonna be sad uwuw, grief is 100% allowed but life must go on i suppose
i suppose my sentimentality is the thing keeping me going, also cus idunno i'm too lazy for anything and i don't take my very depressed states seriously long enough because i know i'll find a distraction that will amend the feeling anyways yes, like looking at art or watching youtube wow, very mundane but my brain is easily entertained yes.
plus i've been worse off before and it brought me nowhere so i try to remind myself to not repeat what i did back then yes, sometimes i do it obvi cus it's only natural and my brain really really likes the familiarity of it, but yes it do be an uphill battle or whateva is saidĀ Ā that's the shittiest part tbh it only adds to the misery but u gotta do what u gotta do .... also monkey brain survival instincts yes, there's a surprising amount of people who spend their whole lives being suicidal yet never commit the deed
but WHAT do u live for
what do u mean! i think the answer is nothing idkĀ 
biology
19
Posts: 108104
Date: 10-08-2022 20:18
Hmm
National Star



hmm wrote:
Klasifikovany wrote:
hmm wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
but WHAT do u live for
what do u mean! i think the answer is nothing idkĀ 
biology
yes basically lmflfkmnf
15
Posts: 31488
Date: 10-08-2022 20:18
Private
International Star



wug wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
like i get it unga bunga monkey brain say stay alive so i stay alive
but outside of that
yes everyone fears death
everyone reports fear before attempted suicide

but what makes life bearable? ionly thing i can think of are pets or other humans
i don't fear death i fear being ill and losing the ability to decide for myself and gradually withering away without the ability to just end it asapĀ 
19
Posts: 108104
Date: 10-08-2022 20:19
Private
World Famous



Suchomimus wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
like i get it unga bunga monkey brain say stay alive so i stay alive
but outside of that
yes everyone fears death
everyone reports fear before attempted suicide

but what makes life bearable? ionly thing i can think of are pets or other humans
hobbies for me i think, but u need money for most hobbies, so u need a job, then u don't have much free time so u can't even do hobbies, very unfortunateĀ 
19
Posts: 39558
Date: 10-08-2022 20:20
Private
National Star



Sobbing wrote:
Klasifikovany wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
like i get it unga bunga monkey brain say stay alive so i stay alive
but outside of that
yes everyone fears death
everyone reports fear before attempted suicide

but what makes life bearable? ionly thing i can think of are pets or other humans
i don't fear death i fear being ill and losing the ability to decide for myself and gradually withering away without the ability to just end it asapĀ 
so u fear dementia and old age
17
Posts: 9853
Date: 10-08-2022 20:22
Private
National Star



Sobbing wrote:
Suchomimus wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
like i get it unga bunga monkey brain say stay alive so i stay alive
but outside of that
yes everyone fears death
everyone reports fear before attempted suicide

but what makes life bearable? ionly thing i can think of are pets or other humans
hobbies for me i think, but u need money for most hobbies, so u need a job, then u don't have much free time so u can't even do hobbies, very unfortunateĀ 
yes u are a slave
i dont understand how people work 9-5 and have inclined themselves to believe that it is normal, mostly because they dont have time to think because all they do is work
17
Posts: 9853
Date: 10-08-2022 20:23
Private
National Star



Sobbing wrote:
hmm wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
hmm wrote:
i dunno, technically nothing but when i think about how i'd feel in the moment of the deed i know i'd tap out because i'd start thinking about things like friends, family (albeit a very shitty one), my "goals", etc. even though in a more lucid state those things aren't enough to make me want to live. i'm indifferent to uwuwuw but they're gonna be sad uwuw, grief is 100% allowed but life must go on i suppose
i suppose my sentimentality is the thing keeping me going, also cus idunno i'm too lazy for anything and i don't take my very depressed states seriously long enough because i know i'll find a distraction that will amend the feeling anyways yes, like looking at art or watching youtube wow, very mundane but my brain is easily entertained yes.
plus i've been worse off before and it brought me nowhere so i try to remind myself to not repeat what i did back then yes, sometimes i do it obvi cus it's only natural and my brain really really likes the familiarity of it, but yes it do be an uphill battle or whateva is saidĀ Ā that's the shittiest part tbh it only adds to the misery but u gotta do what u gotta do .... also monkey brain survival instincts yes, there's a surprising amount of people who spend their whole lives being suicidal yet never commit the deed
but WHAT do u live for
what do u mean! i think the answer is nothing idkĀ 
why do u decide to get up in the morning except to piss or drink water
17
Posts: 9853
Date: 10-08-2022 20:23
Private
International Star



wug wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
Klasifikovany wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
like i get it unga bunga monkey brain say stay alive so i stay alive
but outside of that
yes everyone fears death
everyone reports fear before attempted suicide

but what makes life bearable? ionly thing i can think of are pets or other humans
i don't fear death i fear being ill and losing the ability to decide for myself and gradually withering away without the ability to just end it asapĀ 
so u fear dementia and old age
there are multiple things that are worse
19
Posts: 108104
Date: 10-08-2022 20:25
Private
World Famous



Suchomimus wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
Suchomimus wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
like i get it unga bunga monkey brain say stay alive so i stay alive
but outside of that
yes everyone fears death
everyone reports fear before attempted suicide

but what makes life bearable? ionly thing i can think of are pets or other humans
hobbies for me i think, but u need money for most hobbies, so u need a job, then u don't have much free time so u can't even do hobbies, very unfortunateĀ 
yes u are a slave
i dont understand how people work 9-5 and have inclined themselves to believe that it is normal, mostly because they dont have time to think because all they do is work
i actually would rather die, rn i work 5 days a week, but only 23 hours n all i ever do is wake up, eat, go to work, come home, recover from my exhaustion, eat, mmmayyybe play video games for like an hour, sleep, i really don't know how those ppl do it
19
Posts: 39558
Date: 10-08-2022 20:25
Private
Living Legend



glowed wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
glowed wrote:
ii
it would make my mom and siblings sad ig. that's my only motivator as of now, but i'm working on it : D

i just love to travel and i'd like to see more of the world and meet some online friends and i'm just taking it step by step ig
what r ur steps
my steps are wake up in the morning, play a round of solitaire, suffer through the day with a sprinkle of studying for my exams, sleep.Ā 
many changes will happen in the near future and it's terrifying and i don't want to think about it because change equals bad in my brain but it doesn't have to. i'm moving for uni and i'm not even sure where i'll live but i'm excited because i'll gain the life experience ?
everything is so uncertain but what helps me is knowing that i'm alone in the sense. everyone my age is struggling with similar things and many adults pretend they know what they're doing and they're alive and kicking and why can't i ??

life's just odd. very odd
21
Posts: 32632
Date: 10-08-2022 20:26
Hmm
National Star



hmm wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
like i get it unga bunga monkey brain say stay alive so i stay alive
but outside of that
yes everyone fears death
everyone reports fear before attempted suicide

but what makes life bearable? ionly thing i can think of are pets or other humans
what makes life bearable... maybe my hobbies. i again am a very easily entertained brain, even if deep down i am extremely depressed and numb i can still make myself enjoy it, also there's this probably stupid thing i do lmfao i like to make sure i enjoy myself so that i'll look back in the present somewhat fondly, not have it just be all misery u know.
pets.. i haven't had one in years so i dunno the feeling, humans... i'm not bitter about it but i try not to make myself attached lmfao, i do really enjoy others and everything but i likely won't ever experience any sort of true/close connection w anyone again because i dunno, it feels more like a fantasy than a reality. i try to make something out of the connections i have and i'm for the most part grateful for it (even tho sometimes when im going a little crazy!! i say bad things like fuck everyone everyone is useless, but thas just me being crazy hehe...). i also read a lot of fiction tho so i'm a fucking voyeruistic hermit smh, getting my fix though it i supposeĀ Ā i'm still lonely but it be like that u kno
15
Posts: 31488
Date: 10-08-2022 20:28
Hmm
National Star



hmm wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
hmm wrote:
Sobbing wrote:
but WHAT do u live for
what do u mean! i think the answer is nothing idkĀ 
why do u decide to get up in the morning except to piss or drink water
entertaining myself as i said, plus i feel so so so so much worse if i don't get up lol, i don't wanna feel like that again so i avoid it mhm
15
Posts: 31488
Date: 10-08-2022 20:29
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