how often do you guys - Forum

Noir
International star

Noir wrote:

Rouya wrote:

animeislive wrote:
I've spent almost 2 months of my 3 month summer vacation at home with my parents because no one wants to go out with me and ill most probably will spent the last summer vacation month with them. Last time i've met someone was at end may

i feel you so hard on this one

I feel so sorry for you. Hope you find some good friends soon!

Private
Streetmusician

kruspersille wrote:
anything from 1 to 4 times a week mayb

Private
Popstar

Rouya wrote:

animeislive wrote:

Rouya wrote:

animeislive wrote:
I've spent almost 2 months of my 3 month summer vacation at home with my parents because no one wants to go out with me and ill most probably will spent the last summer vacation month with them. Last time i've met someone was at end may

i feel you so hard on this one

I feel so sorry for you. Hope you find some good friends soon!

you too!

Private
International star

Potion wrote:
since its summer and i have a month off of work - every day lmao im tired as shit

Private
World famous

Ground wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Nice wrote:

Rouya wrote:
the bolded out part is especially what im struggling with

like i wish i could function 'normally' and make friends bc it seems like it would just be so much easier, and i dont know any people like me irl so the only ones i have to compare myself to is neurotypicals who just 'do things', you know? they just go out, hang out with friends, meet people, not thinking about it that much. i just overanalyze so much and every thing is such a drain on my energy
but i as well love talking to people, so it's a problem that it's so draining to do the thing i want to all the time, bc i too get anxious if i spend too much time alone. it's like if i'm alone for too long, my brain starts doing some weird things, overanalysing
i wish i had more ppl to talk to but it's not just any ppl, bc in reality i wish i had more ppl to talk to who were like me, you know

i have such a hard time maintaining new friendships. i dont struggle with making new friends, but i just lose them again quickly, bc unless i feel that 'connection' of them understanding me, then i dont trust them and cant maintain a friendship with them. i have experienced so many times where ppl consider me their friend while in my head they are nothing more than a 'contact' to me bc they aren't 'safe' people to me

aghh i think im just beginning to be fed up about being autistic and alone about it while still trying to fit into this neurotypical world and making neurotypical friends

i feel u so much on that,, n i guess the reason as to why i only have 1 friend is because that friend is rly similar to me, she has experienced a lot as well n we just get along very well but other than that i find it impossible to find people my age, because they don't understand how i function or what i want,, esp if they're not autistic n it's just annoying having to explaining everything to everyone

it's rly hard to get that trust,, n more often than not people have used my kindness n my ability to listen n be there for them so ofc i'm very hesitant to even start a friendship to begin with

honestly, same
but i'm starting to accept the fact more n more that i'm autistic n it can't be cured,, so instead i have to make the best out of it
i still do search for the balance of having enough of contacts but not for it to be 2 much
it's a process i guess

what i fear i don't want, n that's one of the main autistic traits for me
security and safety is everything, if that doesn't work the whole world crashes
most likely as to why i don't search for friends in the first place
the disappointment is worse than anything else
and i refuse to be disappointed yet again
so i'm stuck, i feel like?? but maybe that will change when i'll eventually will hold speeches

ye im beginning to get very frustrated with having to explain everything to everyone constantly as well... it's hard to maintain a friendship with someone who never understands you, never tries to understand you and you have to explain everything with the fear of being misunderstood every single time. plus the explaining drains soooo much energy, it's just exhausting
i still have "many" friends (as in i think i have a lot of friends but i dont actually talk with them very often) who arent autistic and who have done a decent enough job of understanding me, but i still feel that disconnect with most of my friends quite often

i crave security and safety too but im also pretty brave in searching for new friendships - it's just that when i dont find the security im looking for in the people i meet, i then get discouraged and dont feel like i can continue the friendship bc it's too difficult and exhausting

ive been thinking about wanting to hold speeches about my experiences too, or at least in some way sharing them, but idk how to get started with that
primarly i just want to share and see if other people relate bc i also want to meet other ppl who relate

im rly glad you understand tho, tbh i wasnt expecting such an understanding response in this thread lmao, but you hit the nail on the head in regards to how i feel about it all

yeah ! it's just so time n energy consuming to always explain why things are as they are and why i can't spontaneously go on a trip tomorrow
n yea the constant explaining is so frustrating n exhausting

i always doubt myself,, u know the 'is it too good to be true?' or 'will i be enough for the person to also find me interesting enough to talk to?'

i think that's a wonderful idea ! u live in norway or denmark right? here in sweden,, among the bigger cities we have these daily activity places for people on the spectrum and also for people with intellectual disabilities n what not that can't work the 'normal' work / workplacs
and they have contact with all kinds of companies,, for example,, during my evaluation we came to the conclusion that i like talking and writing, and people have been telling me for years that i have good things to say about my experiences and how i've learnt to deal with stuff
so this felt like it was my calling, they then contacted an organisation that works with holding speeches here and there,, it's called hjärnkoll in swedish and the hire people with mental illnesses or / and people on the spectrum
i would really recommend looking into what ur city has to offer ! depending on the size it might not be as accessible,, but yea it doesn't hurt checking it out !
it sounds like a thing that would suit you and a thing that would help you getting more confident and maybe also for it to be easier to make friends ! by the sound of it, you should considering pursuing this ! and it can be done in many ways as well,, writing, speaking,, in front of people, on a podcast, in a magazine ! there are many options !!

honestly same ! i always feel better when someone can relate to me and the other way around ! like there doesn't have to be a 4 page explanation, u just understand and that's lovely !
if u have any questions or so feel free to hmu any time !

Private
World famous

Cute wrote:
i spend time with my friend like once every 6 months..

Private
International star

Raquelle wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Raquelle wrote:
Getting new friends IRL is super hard i think
does anyone have good tips

i got one friend from uni so far and that was bc i was wearing a rammstein shirt in a party and this super social metal music man just decided to adopt me lmaooo we have been besties ever since but i literally have no one else in school

that sounds like such a good start to a friendship tho

i saw this tiktok (i know) that actually had a good tip, where it's just like, just show up. like the way you got friends in school was just by being around the same people every day, so i guess if you start hanging out the same place (could be work, uni, some type of hobby class, anything) you'll start to form friendships with the people around you

i thought that was a good tip, but not useful currently for when it's summer vacation bc i dont do anything other than sit in my apartment or on the roof in the sun

Hmm yea that actually sounds like a good tip
and also meeting people through other people yes

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Popstar

Rouya wrote:

Nice wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Nice wrote:
i feel u so much on that,, n i guess the reason as to why i only have 1 friend is because that friend is rly similar to me, she has experienced a lot as well n we just get along very well but other than that i find it impossible to find people my age, because they don't understand how i function or what i want,, esp if they're not autistic n it's just annoying having to explaining everything to everyone

it's rly hard to get that trust,, n more often than not people have used my kindness n my ability to listen n be there for them so ofc i'm very hesitant to even start a friendship to begin with

honestly, same
but i'm starting to accept the fact more n more that i'm autistic n it can't be cured,, so instead i have to make the best out of it
i still do search for the balance of having enough of contacts but not for it to be 2 much
it's a process i guess

what i fear i don't want, n that's one of the main autistic traits for me
security and safety is everything, if that doesn't work the whole world crashes
most likely as to why i don't search for friends in the first place
the disappointment is worse than anything else
and i refuse to be disappointed yet again
so i'm stuck, i feel like?? but maybe that will change when i'll eventually will hold speeches

ye im beginning to get very frustrated with having to explain everything to everyone constantly as well... it's hard to maintain a friendship with someone who never understands you, never tries to understand you and you have to explain everything with the fear of being misunderstood every single time. plus the explaining drains soooo much energy, it's just exhausting
i still have "many" friends (as in i think i have a lot of friends but i dont actually talk with them very often) who arent autistic and who have done a decent enough job of understanding me, but i still feel that disconnect with most of my friends quite often

i crave security and safety too but im also pretty brave in searching for new friendships - it's just that when i dont find the security im looking for in the people i meet, i then get discouraged and dont feel like i can continue the friendship bc it's too difficult and exhausting

ive been thinking about wanting to hold speeches about my experiences too, or at least in some way sharing them, but idk how to get started with that
primarly i just want to share and see if other people relate bc i also want to meet other ppl who relate

im rly glad you understand tho, tbh i wasnt expecting such an understanding response in this thread lmao, but you hit the nail on the head in regards to how i feel about it all

yeah ! it's just so time n energy consuming to always explain why things are as they are and why i can't spontaneously go on a trip tomorrow
n yea the constant explaining is so frustrating n exhausting

i always doubt myself,, u know the 'is it too good to be true?' or 'will i be enough for the person to also find me interesting enough to talk to?'

i think that's a wonderful idea ! u live in norway or denmark right? here in sweden,, among the bigger cities we have these daily activity places for people on the spectrum and also for people with intellectual disabilities n what not that can't work the 'normal' work / workplacs
and they have contact with all kinds of companies,, for example,, during my evaluation we came to the conclusion that i like talking and writing, and people have been telling me for years that i have good things to say about my experiences and how i've learnt to deal with stuff
so this felt like it was my calling, they then contacted an organisation that works with holding speeches here and there,, it's called hjärnkoll in swedish and the hire people with mental illnesses or / and people on the spectrum
i would really recommend looking into what ur city has to offer ! depending on the size it might not be as accessible,, but yea it doesn't hurt checking it out !
it sounds like a thing that would suit you and a thing that would help you getting more confident and maybe also for it to be easier to make friends ! by the sound of it, you should considering pursuing this ! and it can be done in many ways as well,, writing, speaking,, in front of people, on a podcast, in a magazine ! there are many options !!

honestly same ! i always feel better when someone can relate to me and the other way around ! like there doesn't have to be a 4 page explanation, u just understand and that's lovely !
if u have any questions or so feel free to hmu any time !

ye i live in denmark - im in contact with a psykolog who works with center for autism so i would assume that she would know any type of activity/thing like this, and as she knows me, she would also know that im interested in it - but she's never brought it up hmm
i might have to look into it myself then, but it sounds super cool what you're doing in sweden! i would love to do something similar like that as i love writing and talking as well, and i think im good at presentations especially!

and ye exactly, it doesnt have to be a 4 page explanation, it's so nice when someone just gets it! i met someone at uni who i became friends with bc we are so similar, and every time i talk with her it's such a relief, bc i dont have to go into detail as to why i feel the way i do about something, or explain why i just did something, she just gets it instantly!
do you mind if i add you? it would be cool to have more friends who are like minded :-)

Private
World famous

Ground wrote:

Rouya wrote:

Nice wrote:

Rouya wrote:
ye im beginning to get very frustrated with having to explain everything to everyone constantly as well... it's hard to maintain a friendship with someone who never understands you, never tries to understand you and you have to explain everything with the fear of being misunderstood every single time. plus the explaining drains soooo much energy, it's just exhausting
i still have "many" friends (as in i think i have a lot of friends but i dont actually talk with them very often) who arent autistic and who have done a decent enough job of understanding me, but i still feel that disconnect with most of my friends quite often

i crave security and safety too but im also pretty brave in searching for new friendships - it's just that when i dont find the security im looking for in the people i meet, i then get discouraged and dont feel like i can continue the friendship bc it's too difficult and exhausting

ive been thinking about wanting to hold speeches about my experiences too, or at least in some way sharing them, but idk how to get started with that
primarly i just want to share and see if other people relate bc i also want to meet other ppl who relate

im rly glad you understand tho, tbh i wasnt expecting such an understanding response in this thread lmao, but you hit the nail on the head in regards to how i feel about it all

yeah ! it's just so time n energy consuming to always explain why things are as they are and why i can't spontaneously go on a trip tomorrow
n yea the constant explaining is so frustrating n exhausting

i always doubt myself,, u know the 'is it too good to be true?' or 'will i be enough for the person to also find me interesting enough to talk to?'

i think that's a wonderful idea ! u live in norway or denmark right? here in sweden,, among the bigger cities we have these daily activity places for people on the spectrum and also for people with intellectual disabilities n what not that can't work the 'normal' work / workplacs
and they have contact with all kinds of companies,, for example,, during my evaluation we came to the conclusion that i like talking and writing, and people have been telling me for years that i have good things to say about my experiences and how i've learnt to deal with stuff
so this felt like it was my calling, they then contacted an organisation that works with holding speeches here and there,, it's called hjärnkoll in swedish and the hire people with mental illnesses or / and people on the spectrum
i would really recommend looking into what ur city has to offer ! depending on the size it might not be as accessible,, but yea it doesn't hurt checking it out !
it sounds like a thing that would suit you and a thing that would help you getting more confident and maybe also for it to be easier to make friends ! by the sound of it, you should considering pursuing this ! and it can be done in many ways as well,, writing, speaking,, in front of people, on a podcast, in a magazine ! there are many options !!

honestly same ! i always feel better when someone can relate to me and the other way around ! like there doesn't have to be a 4 page explanation, u just understand and that's lovely !
if u have any questions or so feel free to hmu any time !

ye i live in denmark - im in contact with a psykolog who works with center for autism so i would assume that she would know any type of activity/thing like this, and as she knows me, she would also know that im interested in it - but she's never brought it up hmm
i might have to look into it myself then, but it sounds super cool what you're doing in sweden! i would love to do something similar like that as i love writing and talking as well, and i think im good at presentations especially!

and ye exactly, it doesnt have to be a 4 page explanation, it's so nice when someone just gets it! i met someone at uni who i became friends with bc we are so similar, and every time i talk with her it's such a relief, bc i dont have to go into detail as to why i feel the way i do about something, or explain why i just did something, she just gets it instantly!
do you mind if i add you? it would be cool to have more friends who are like minded :-)

aa ! that's rly good ! honestly, speaking of it never having been brought up, i didn't get to know it through the contact i have at the autism center (habiliteringen) n rather from the gymnasium school i went to that was specially made for people on the spectrum,, they were the ones that told my mom during a parent meeting that such thing exist! hadn't it been for them i wouldn't have known it, which is weird considering how many times i brought my worries up to my contact at the center that i was worried for what work i would be able to get
so yeah very lacking in that department
i think you have to research a bit yourself considering she didn't bring it up herself ! or u could bring it up to her and she could put u in contact with them, that's also an option !
it's super cool that u wanna do it as well ! i rarely hear people talk abt it so that ur also interested in it and is autistic too got me all excited to have someone to talk abt this to !! i rly believe u can achieve it !

truly !
it's so nice when it just clicks and works out fine <3 (or well more than fine!)
i don't mind ! i lov new friendships especially now when u told me u wanna pursue holding speeches / presenting !! my heart n brain went aaaaa omG !