how do i tell my partner - Forum

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Barbarella wrote:
The term I was looking for earlier but couldn't remember was "compassion fatigue"
it can be really hard for family, partners, etc. who are with you on your journey (especially when relapses are happening) and they can experience a kind of hopelessness/burnout that some professionals call compassion fatigue.
I dunno if this is useful, but knowing the term may help you both find some resources.

(the perks of having a former addiction counselor as a best friend lol, she knows all the terminology)

Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:

Sylvan wrote:

Bloodflowers wrote:
Does anyone actually have any advice or like

stop going to bars if you think it's still too tempting and tell your partner that your addiction is a serious illness and that you try your best but that not taking it seriously is harmful to your staying sober.

If the relationship harms your sobriety you should prioritize being sober.

i had already started drinking when i asked her that

the biggest realisation i made my last sober period was how much going around thinking about what negative things other people have said or what they thought hurt my sobriety. me and my partner agreed to let go of how things have been before and look at today as it is. i realise i have not followed my own suggestion because i get myself hung up on things he's said before not knowing how he really feels now. guess that's normal for me when i leave my sobriety

Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

Bloodflowers wrote:

Barbarella wrote:
Apologies accompanied by changed behavior are the only ones that really count,
I wish you the best of luck and I really believe you can beat this, I can tell you truly want to and that goes a long way.
It sounds like he doesn't truly understand what addiction is, what it does to people, and maybe you can find some resources from your counselor/nurse to help you bridge that gap with him, because you need someone understanding and supportive.

That is true.
Thank you
I've been trying to be as open as I can and tell him what I know but I can understand why it's hard to understand

Sometimes it's hard to find the right language to express what we're going through, whether it be addiction, mental illness, chronic pain, etc.
I find that folks respond best to metaphors in my experiences.
But addiction counselors have seen it all, and they (should) have a whole arsenal of resources at their disposal.

I have a first meeting with another addiction clinic (i left my previous) tomorrow w a nurse/therapist. she'll probably ask me and i hope she has any advice

Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:

Barbarella wrote:
The term I was looking for earlier but couldn't remember was "compassion fatigue"
it can be really hard for family, partners, etc. who are with you on your journey (especially when relapses are happening) and they can experience a kind of hopelessness/burnout that some professionals call compassion fatigue.
I dunno if this is useful, but knowing the term may help you both find some resources.

(the perks of having a former addiction counselor as a best friend lol, she knows all the terminology)

thank you

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Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:
Well, I won't say I was really an addict, but if I'd keep drinking like I did before I would fall for that as well, and what I did to help me stop it really was, first of all,
distancing myself from people that could make it worse.
people that made me worry so much and wouldn't care that I was in a state like that so they'd dump so much shit on me I'd be SO stressed I'd turn to drink
take distance from people that go out to drink a lot, or invite me whenever they go out to do that, because I'd go, drink with them, then outdrink them and drink some more, and as I am usually depressed or stressed out it would make me drink too much.

And regarding your partner? you tell them about it just how it is, if you won't be honest about it and make it clear that you are suffering from this condition and that it is a SERIOUS thing, it seems like they won't understand it, my previous partner disregarded my severe and ongoing depression and my growing drinking problem, claiming that I have my life under control and that I am just a person that likes drinking, now I'm not saying it's the same case as yours since no relationship or person is really the same, but some people just don't know how bad some people have it, are ignorant, don't have the knowledge, but some are just doing it on purpose as my partner did, and we were together for 5 years ... that behavior of his REALLY affected me, like SO badly that it got worse, and I being the dumbass that I am, so I never tried to explain to him anymore what is it like, and I just suffered in silence until we broke up...

An addiction clinic would be a good place to start, they saw a LOT of cases and most likely will know how to help you as well if the clinic is a good one, and if you really have the will to get better.

I believe in you getting better and breaking this, you just need to surround yourself with people that won't let you fall into this addiction, educate your partner about this condition, and how it's not as easy as some people might think, let them know that it's not an easy battle and that you're being honest and clear about it, but that you also need their understanding and support if they're really with you for the long run.
I know my therapist used to help me understand how to describe my problems and conditions to others in a way that I don't attack them or call them dumb for not knowing, but more in a way that they'll understand and come towards you with what you're dealing with a more educated mind and view.
sending love from afar, small steps are the ultimate way to make it through.

Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:
it was no problem, they were super chill about it

Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:

Bloodflowers wrote:
it was no problem, they were super chill about it

also an update is it actually feels like theyre trying to understand and help this time around

Bloodflowers
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Bloodflowers wrote:
so thats great

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Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Bloodflowers wrote:

Bloodflowers wrote:
it was no problem, they were super chill about it

also an update is it actually feels like theyre trying to understand and help this time around

Hell yeah
that's awesome to hear and I'm really happy to hear so