My gran asked me for $500 -_- - Forum

Anachronism
National star

Anachronism wrote:

peachmilk wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

peachmilk wrote:
Damn, this sounds stressful and emotionally exhausting
I'm sorry, you're going through this
I personally wouldn't lend them money, tho
I am broke myself, if someone asks me for like 100 bucks, i'd give it to them but only if I'm sure, that they would pay me back
but like.. 500? that's half a thousand.
thats a lot

This isnt new lmfao

Years ago she drove to my work when she knew it was payday

No joke asked me to give her $60 so my mom could have drug money

I was living with them both at the time, said no, got a text saying I could pick my stuff up whenever, and to enjoy life with bf???

wtf, run
this is like some fucked up family dynamics from a netflix movie
you'd probably better off without them
this sounds horrible

My mom is doing great actually

Shes in meetings, 2 months sober, attending church, getting job training, made a support network, I'm very proud ♡ I love her

But my gran is fucked but if I cut her off like she will guilt trip me so hard idk why she intimidates me... so as I said before I should hire a therapist

But idk why I dont have a netflix deal yet

Fantasy
World famous

Fantasy wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

Fantasy wrote:

Anachronism wrote:
She lives with her well off sister and brother in law who get hello fresh weekly she can eat

Getting to work may be an issue but I just told her I'd give her gas money and she said dont bother

Ok fuck you too

wtf she has to ask for money and is still they bitchy??? gurl no way in hell id not even give her a penny
u should really consider cutting her off...she sounds really toxic to be around

1) she helps me w/ transportation rn cuz my car needs work and I'm waiting for my taxes to fix it (but I can figure it out)

2) its dumb but cutting her off weirdly terrifies me and I think I should hire a therapist before I do for support

But I need family counseling this isnt healthy at all

to 1) then wait till u can fix ur car (if it isn't too long away) and consciously start getting more independent from her - maybe also look for a separate storage unit/seperate other things u share with her
to 2) I get that, if u feel like therapy would help, u should def go to therapy before u cut them off

I hope everything works out for u

Anachronism
National star

Anachronism wrote:

Fantasy wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

Fantasy wrote:
wtf she has to ask for money and is still they bitchy??? gurl no way in hell id not even give her a penny
u should really consider cutting her off...she sounds really toxic to be around

1) she helps me w/ transportation rn cuz my car needs work and I'm waiting for my taxes to fix it (but I can figure it out)

2) its dumb but cutting her off weirdly terrifies me and I think I should hire a therapist before I do for support

But I need family counseling this isnt healthy at all

to 1) then wait till u can fix ur car (if it isn't too long away) and consciously start getting more independent from her - maybe also look for a separate storage unit/seperate other things u share with her
to 2) I get that, if u feel like therapy would help, u should def go to therapy before u cut them off

I hope everything works out for u

At this point I'm just thinking of other ppl to help out cuz I dont want hers its strings attached always. It will depend on the cost of the alternator and other issues w/ car so. I'm waiting to buy a better car when I get another job and am sure it works out

Yeah I really need a separate storage unit but ofc she has the key so moving my shit will be awkward but shell get over it. That's a good idea, that we share one is kinda codependent now that I think of it

This thread is making me reevaluate why i let her control me so much I'm almost 30 wtf

Private
International star

emogirrrl123 wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

Sera wrote:
sounds like my mom. i didn't even realize how bad it was before i met my partner

no don't ever give her any money

Its eye opening right

I remember in my early twenties a relationship made me realize that constant enabling was going to sabotage it

I remember she kicked me out and I moved in with the guy bc of it LMFAO

I hope your mom no longer harasses you

def

one of my recent "favorite" moments (i'm in the process of cutting her off) was when she had sold all my assets i left behind while i was living abroad (and obviously didn't give me the money lmao) and then made a huge deal out of how ungrateful i'm for the 4 plates she gave me when i moved back to my home country. i offered to pay for those damn plates but no bc it was never about the plates anyway, was it? i only later realized that there was a word for this, financial abuse

but yeah. i recommend pretending to be broke if you're not ready to cut her off. works for me ig. sometimes you have to let people hit their rock bottoms. also work on separating your life from her. you can offer small amounts of food (as in, giving her a package of rice etc but not money) and your company (which does not include emotional support bc your not her therapist) but overall, run

Anachronism
National star

Anachronism wrote:

Sera wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

Sera wrote:
sounds like my mom. i didn't even realize how bad it was before i met my partner

no don't ever give her any money

Its eye opening right

I remember in my early twenties a relationship made me realize that constant enabling was going to sabotage it

I remember she kicked me out and I moved in with the guy bc of it LMFAO

I hope your mom no longer harasses you

def

one of my recent "favorite" moments (i'm in the process of cutting her off) was when she had sold all my assets i left behind while i was living abroad (and obviously didn't give me the money lmao) and then made a huge deal out of how ungrateful i'm for the 4 plates she gave me when i moved back to my home country. i offered to pay for those damn plates but no bc it was never about the plates anyway, was it? i only later realized that there was a word for this, financial abuse

but yeah. i recommend pretending to be broke if you're not ready to cut her off. works for me ig. sometimes you have to let people hit their rock bottoms. also work on separating your life from her. you can offer small amounts of food (as in, giving her a package of rice etc but not money) and your company (which does not include emotional support bc your not her therapist) but overall, run

She guilt tripped over plates after stealing your assets? That's straight out of the abuser playback. Pointing to nice things they've done in the past to absolve them of their actions. My gran pulls that shit all the time.

Ty for the advice. I offered her gas money and she refused lol

Private
International star

SavageAnnie wrote:
I agree with everyone else, it would be best for you to cut her off. If you're not comfortable doing that, maybe paying for gas, since she drives would be more reasonable. it doesn't sound like either of you have had a very great go of things but I wouldn't lend her anything, If it were me I'd make sure I was with her when she spends it or do it for her.... all in all though, you have to do what's best for you and you're not heartless. Sometimes family holds you back.

Private
International star

emogirrrl123 wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

Sera wrote:

Anachronism wrote:
Its eye opening right

I remember in my early twenties a relationship made me realize that constant enabling was going to sabotage it

I remember she kicked me out and I moved in with the guy bc of it LMFAO

I hope your mom no longer harasses you

def

one of my recent "favorite" moments (i'm in the process of cutting her off) was when she had sold all my assets i left behind while i was living abroad (and obviously didn't give me the money lmao) and then made a huge deal out of how ungrateful i'm for the 4 plates she gave me when i moved back to my home country. i offered to pay for those damn plates but no bc it was never about the plates anyway, was it? i only later realized that there was a word for this, financial abuse

but yeah. i recommend pretending to be broke if you're not ready to cut her off. works for me ig. sometimes you have to let people hit their rock bottoms. also work on separating your life from her. you can offer small amounts of food (as in, giving her a package of rice etc but not money) and your company (which does not include emotional support bc your not her therapist) but overall, run

She guilt tripped over plates after stealing your assets? That's straight out of the abuser playback. Pointing to nice things they've done in the past to absolve them of their actions. My gran pulls that shit all the time.

Ty for the advice. I offered her gas money and she refused lol

ofc she did. and i agree with the previous comments, she's using "gas" as a cover for something else. she's asking you bc she knows she can use that "after all i have done to you" card (even if she's not saying it out loud). she refused bc she wants to guilt trip you (or whatever) into giving more (now and/or in the future). keep your boundaries strict with her

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Anachronism wrote:
Ugh I need an opinion am I heartless if I refuse to lend her money

No
sometimes people are a bit unfortunate to have people like that in their family that won't put others first, even at an older age like that.
No, you're not heartless if you refuse, old age means JACK, those old people that can't respect others, but think they're entitled to that because DURR OLD AGE... yeah no.

to make it worse you barely have any extra for yourself so that's even more understandable why you won't do it.
Got to take care of yourself first to be able to help others is my motto.

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Abby wrote:

Anachronism wrote:
Ugh I need an opinion am I heartless if I refuse to lend her money

No
sometimes people are a bit unfortunate to have people like that in their family that won't put others first, even at an older age like that.
No, you're not heartless if you refuse, old age means JACK, those old people that can't respect others, but think they're entitled to that because DURR OLD AGE... yeah no.

to make it worse you barely have any extra for yourself so that's even more understandable why you won't do it.
Got to take care of yourself first to be able to help others is my motto.

Hell my family is just like that and I FINALLY found a way that I might be able to gtfo of here and I could not be happier.
You CAN help with small stuff but holy shit 500 bucks lmao
I wish I had half of that LMAO

Anachronism
National star

Anachronism wrote:

Abby wrote:

Anachronism wrote:
Ugh I need an opinion am I heartless if I refuse to lend her money

No
sometimes people are a bit unfortunate to have people like that in their family that won't put others first, even at an older age like that.
No, you're not heartless if you refuse, old age means JACK, those old people that can't respect others, but think they're entitled to that because DURR OLD AGE... yeah no.

to make it worse you barely have any extra for yourself so that's even more understandable why you won't do it.
Got to take care of yourself first to be able to help others is my motto.

Hell my family is just like that and I FINALLY found a way that I might be able to gtfo of here and I could not be happier.
You CAN help with small stuff but holy shit 500 bucks lmao
I wish I had half of that LMAO

Yeah $500 bucks shes full of shit

I also caught her in a lie. Claims her phone will be shut off today but her daughter called her this morning and they talked. Riiight.

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

Abby wrote:

Abby wrote:
No
sometimes people are a bit unfortunate to have people like that in their family that won't put others first, even at an older age like that.
No, you're not heartless if you refuse, old age means JACK, those old people that can't respect others, but think they're entitled to that because DURR OLD AGE... yeah no.

to make it worse you barely have any extra for yourself so that's even more understandable why you won't do it.
Got to take care of yourself first to be able to help others is my motto.

Hell my family is just like that and I FINALLY found a way that I might be able to gtfo of here and I could not be happier.
You CAN help with small stuff but holy shit 500 bucks lmao
I wish I had half of that LMAO

Yeah $500 bucks shes full of shit

I also caught her in a lie. Claims her phone will be shut off today but her daughter called her this morning and they talked. Riiight.

Well, guilt-tripping BIG time it is,
might as well not give her any money as all to not feed her being used to you or family giving her money, you'd do better with it anyway, and should take care of yourself, 500 is like.. yeah a lot.

Anachronism
National star

Anachronism wrote:

Abby wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

Abby wrote:
Hell my family is just like that and I FINALLY found a way that I might be able to gtfo of here and I could not be happier.
You CAN help with small stuff but holy shit 500 bucks lmao
I wish I had half of that LMAO

Yeah $500 bucks shes full of shit

I also caught her in a lie. Claims her phone will be shut off today but her daughter called her this morning and they talked. Riiight.

Well, guilt-tripping BIG time it is,
might as well not give her any money as all to not feed her being used to you or family giving her money, you'd do better with it anyway, and should take care of yourself, 500 is like.. yeah a lot.

Shes literally lying about the consequences of me not giving her money

I dont trust her. I think I'm going to estrange for awhile

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

Abby wrote:

Anachronism wrote:
Yeah $500 bucks shes full of shit

I also caught her in a lie. Claims her phone will be shut off today but her daughter called her this morning and they talked. Riiight.

Well, guilt-tripping BIG time it is,
might as well not give her any money as all to not feed her being used to you or family giving her money, you'd do better with it anyway, and should take care of yourself, 500 is like.. yeah a lot.

Shes literally lying about the consequences of me not giving her money

I dont trust her. I think I'm going to estrange for awhile

yeah that would be the best idea for you.

Micasmith
Karaoke star

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