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limbs' nest
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vex wrote:
Limbs wrote:
i saw the psychiatrist
(tw suicide)

got prescribed two different antipsychotics for my anxiety and panic attacks, and i guess i'm gonna take them since i have no other option and i'm in so much suffering literally anything would be better. and i'm like p seriously considering suicide so if antipsychotics keep me alive i guess it's worth it or whatever
not really because i would rather just die but i gotta stay alive for other ppl i guess

i didn't get a follow up appointment and idk if this psychiatrist is even working here long term or if i'll have to go to a new psychiatrist next time idk,, but yeaa that's how it is, there isn't really any coherent treatment plan you just get tossed from one doctor to another n no one really cares

kinda makes me question why should i care if no one else does, right
aaanyway still two weeks to go til my psych nurse appointment and i guess i'm starting antipsychotics now, i wanna die haha
why didnt they give u a follow up dont they have to checp up on you and if you get any bad sideeffects from the new meds or anything?? tthe fuck is ur countries health system :---(

it makes me really sad that they dont give u regular chep up appointments when you are clerly someone who needs it
also with the uni thing
just going there is good enough for now !!! even if you are so exhausted after that and go to bed, i did that a lot too. but at least i went to uni everyday (or almost everyday). be proud of managing to go to your courses!!
17
Posts: 7069
Date: 20-09-2019 01:07
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vex wrote:
sorry im too tored for proper writing 
17
Posts: 7069
Date: 20-09-2019 01:08
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Limbs wrote:
vex wrote:
Limbs wrote:
i saw the psychiatrist
(tw suicide)

got prescribed two different antipsychotics for my anxiety and panic attacks, and i guess i'm gonna take them since i have no other option and i'm in so much suffering literally anything would be better. and i'm like p seriously considering suicide so if antipsychotics keep me alive i guess it's worth it or whatever
not really because i would rather just die but i gotta stay alive for other ppl i guess

i didn't get a follow up appointment and idk if this psychiatrist is even working here long term or if i'll have to go to a new psychiatrist next time idk,, but yeaa that's how it is, there isn't really any coherent treatment plan you just get tossed from one doctor to another n no one really cares

kinda makes me question why should i care if no one else does, right
aaanyway still two weeks to go til my psych nurse appointment and i guess i'm starting antipsychotics now, i wanna die haha
why didnt they give u a follow up dont they have to checp up on you and if you get any bad sideeffects from the new meds or anything?? tthe fuck is ur countries health system :---(

it makes me really sad that they dont give u regular chep up appointments when you are clerly someone who needs it
also with the uni thing
just going there is good enough for now !!! even if you are so exhausted after that and go to bed, i did that a lot too. but at least i went to uni everyday (or almost everyday). be proud of managing to go to your courses!!
ii don't know haha
i suspect maybe this psychiatrist is just working there temporarily, cuz there's a pretty high turnover with the psychiatrists at the clinic. and it like takes a long time to get psychiatrist appointments in general

thank u for that and no need to be sorry tysm for replying!! 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 20-09-2019 01:21
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Limbs wrote:
i can't sleep
can't sleep in my bed idk why it just doesn't feel right. i put some blankets on the bathroom floor and am trying to sleep in here now but it still feels bad. 
i used to do this a lot when i was younger like at some point after mom died i couldn't sleep in my bed for a loooong time and i slept on the couch every night or sometimes on the floor if i couldn't fall asleep on the couch
feelin sad and scared and alone and idk why
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 22-09-2019 02:20
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Limbs wrote:
i got the report from my psychiatrist appointment, he wrote that i need frequent appointments at the psych clinic n i'm crying now
idk i shouldn't get my hopes up but maybe they will give me more appointments now since i have a doctor saying i need that. and if they don't then that kinda proves that they're not giving me the treatment i need
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 27-09-2019 11:50
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Limbs wrote:
AVHDIEAKnbdhduwjfbkshssvkwlNswbd  are you fucking kidding me
i called the psych clinic again last week and they finally gave me a cancellation appointment with my psych nurse which would have been today. and i called their office yesterday to make sure it's right and i still have the appointment and all is well (they said yes) so ik wouldn't be devastated again if they tell me i don't have it
and now they called me 1 hour before the appointment that *surprise* my psych nurse is on sick leave and my appoointment is cancelled
and i mentioned i got this cancellation bc i've been suicidal and the person on the phone is just like "well we can't do anything about this"

haaaaaaahahHhahqgsyajskfboedb
maybe i'll just kill myself to spite them lol i can't stand this anyway adn they need to learn they can't just do this to people
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 01-10-2019 07:30
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Limbs wrote:
so funny how every time i'm very suicidal they make me wait 5-7 weeks for an appointment
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 01-10-2019 07:31
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Limbs wrote:
idk what is happening rllly but every night now i get like confused about where i am & what year i'm in....??? like. i feel like it's 2009 and i'm at home with mom. i'm in my room trying to sleep and listening to her breathe/snore/cough in the other room, and i'm hoping she doesn't die during the night or i'm being on high alert ready to jump outof bed any second to go save her if she stops breathing. 

n i really feel like i'm there?? it's hard to understand that the years after that even happened. i still feel like that now even as i'm writing this, this doesn't feel real, my life now in 2019, my surrounding and my apartment, me being an adult and mom being dead, it really feels like that was just a dream and it's 2009 now. and i'm in my hometown in my childhood bedroom. this happens every single time i try to sleep and like it's really hard to stay grounded when it's dark or i have my eyes closed cuz i'm trying to sleep

this even happened during the day today like i thought i was in [hometown], then i looked up from my phone and went like "wait, what?? i'm not in HomeTown? where am i, what happened, what year is it" and then i recognized that i'm in my apartment in 2019. but the confusion is.... weird and scary

idk how to fix this or how i'm supposed to sleep cuz whenever i try i'm like fully vibrating with fear and anxiety
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 03-10-2019 05:22
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Limbs wrote:
wwwait wait wtf is happening
i just lookd at the calendar and my text convos and it's only been a lil over 2 weeks since i saw kinda-bf?? ummm what??? i thought it's been over 3 weeks seriously. i asked him to visit before last weekend and then i was thinking "it's been 3 weeks already n he doesn't want to see me so he must be abandoning me" but it literally hadn't even been 2 weeks then. wtf. wtf

my sense of time is so messed up n i feel like i have no idea what is happening nd what's real and what isn't anymore
i'm so CONFUSED
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 03-10-2019 14:42
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Limbs wrote:
you know what i hope i have this fucking kidney infection and i hope i get fucking sepsis and die. thats what should happen to me. 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 04-10-2019 18:36
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Limbs wrote:
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS they CANCELLED this psych appointment that i've been waiting 5 weeks for!!!!! fuck!!!! 
like holy shit lmao i'm gonna kill myself if this keeps up. tvey seriously are just refusing to give me treatment?? what the fuck am i supposed to do??
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 07-10-2019 13:47
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Limbs wrote:
TW
the only horrifying thing abt this is.. thinking about kinda-bf
last time he was here he like told me that we both have long great lives in front of us and also that like he doesn't want to lose me and i..... really nearly started crying right then cuz in my head i was thinking like sad i don't wanna lose you either but idk if i'm going to live much longer

i never meant to hurt him and i'm so so sorry that he's going to get hurt. i'm so sorry and i don't want to leave him but it hurts so much n i can't take it. 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 11-10-2019 02:19
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Potion wrote:
i dont think i have the right words to offer you at this moment, but i just wanted to say that i see you and i am very sorry about how your feeling. i urge you to reach out and let someone whos capable of it help you out of this darkness. sending love your way 
17
Posts: 6962
Date: 11-10-2019 03:17
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Limbs wrote:
potionsky wrote:
i dont think i have the right words to offer you at this moment, but i just wanted to say that i see you and i am very sorry about how your feeling. i urge you to reach out and let someone whos capable of it help you out of this darkness. sending love your way 
thank you
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 11-10-2019 14:46
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Deja wrote:
Limbs wrote:

this song makes me SO HAPPY!!!! i get like literally euphoric every time i listen 2 it, something about it just makes my brain feel rly good
omg this is the song from that one video..........
17
Posts: 8207
Date: 13-10-2019 02:57
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