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Bloodflowers wrote:
I'd like to share that we are supposed to talk about mental health but we are not supposed to be honest. You're always supposed to end it on a positive note and you're not supposed to share the scary and the ugly. You can talk about that stuff afterwards in a positive light on how you got through it, otherwise it's not acceptable. It's okay to be in pain but it's not okay to look like you're in pain and if you're in pain it means you are refusing help and you're not in contact with a doctor. Mental illness means you have full control all the time over how you think and what you do.
Idc so I'm going to talk about how I feel because I don't have a therapist. K.
I have spent too many years of my life breaking up with medication so I can be manic and usually it works and it's great and I don't remember what I'm doing or why I'm thinking like I do but I feel great and I get to escape whatever it is in my life I don't want to deal with. And I don't even know it's happening when it's happening I just think I've always felt that way.
Then after I get back on my meds feel a bit shit whatever ask my friends if we're cool. It's been an endless cycle of wanting to escape - quit meds - manic and it doesn't have to be that I feel crap sometimes I just feel like I'm not being me or I don't feel things like I used to or I think I can do it by myself.
And then I'm off them for so long that I get into a real deep depressive episode and I'm on the railing of a bridge 1 min from being dead only for that sweet sweet mania right.
And I have decided it's not fucking worth dying over ? it's not good enough to die over either I don't always feel great it's delusions and hallucinations and paranoia and restlessness and unable to finish any tasks or eat. And it's not worth feeling so bad that I think the only way out is dying.
So I have made the decision to not beat myself up if it happens then it just does but I won't try to trigger anything myself or break up with my meds. I have decided to break up with bipolar disorder lmao as well as I can.
And I want to get that tattoo to remind myself that I don't want to have to fucking kill myself.
Who would have thought I'd end 2020 with my healthiest thread yet while everyone sees me as a mess rn lmao.
I'd like to share that we are supposed to talk about mental health but we are not supposed to be honest. You're always supposed to end it on a positive note and you're not supposed to share the scary and the ugly. You can talk about that stuff afterwards in a positive light on how you got through it, otherwise it's not acceptable. It's okay to be in pain but it's not okay to look like you're in pain and if you're in pain it means you are refusing help and you're not in contact with a doctor. Mental illness means you have full control all the time over how you think and what you do.
Idc so I'm going to talk about how I feel because I don't have a therapist. K.
I have spent too many years of my life breaking up with medication so I can be manic and usually it works and it's great and I don't remember what I'm doing or why I'm thinking like I do but I feel great and I get to escape whatever it is in my life I don't want to deal with. And I don't even know it's happening when it's happening I just think I've always felt that way.
Then after I get back on my meds feel a bit shit whatever ask my friends if we're cool. It's been an endless cycle of wanting to escape - quit meds - manic and it doesn't have to be that I feel crap sometimes I just feel like I'm not being me or I don't feel things like I used to or I think I can do it by myself.
And then I'm off them for so long that I get into a real deep depressive episode and I'm on the railing of a bridge 1 min from being dead only for that sweet sweet mania right.
And I have decided it's not fucking worth dying over ? it's not good enough to die over either I don't always feel great it's delusions and hallucinations and paranoia and restlessness and unable to finish any tasks or eat. And it's not worth feeling so bad that I think the only way out is dying.
So I have made the decision to not beat myself up if it happens then it just does but I won't try to trigger anything myself or break up with my meds. I have decided to break up with bipolar disorder lmao as well as I can.
And I want to get that tattoo to remind myself that I don't want to have to fucking kill myself.
Who would have thought I'd end 2020 with my healthiest thread yet while everyone sees me as a mess rn lmao.
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