would u move in with a friend & their 3-year- - Forum

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:
old kid? i've been planning on staying at my mom's until i get enough $$$ to afford getting my own flat, but the rental situation isn't looking very sunny to someone without work/studies. it'd probably be a lot easier to get a 3-bedroom apt than 1-bed or a studio.

it'd also probably be a blessing to have company and some structure in my life after being in a super messy and toxic relationship, but my friend said that my [ex bf] isn't welcome around and she'd prefer if he didn't even know that we're living together/where exactly i live if we end up moving in together. she also has a sphynx cat, it'd be cool to have Animal Energy around.

my biggest concerns are about our cleaning standards clashing, the kid waking me up every single morning in the middle of my sleep, and maybe in the future having a sex life would be a bit more complicated. obviously we could end up hating each other's guts from witnessing every annoying quirk the other has but like... i have a pretty good feeling about the idea, i'm kinda excited. so, what else should i worry about?

ps i love the kid to pieces so you can skip anything about living with a strange child (or for them, adult)

Private
National star

absintjente wrote:
yeah tbh i would

Reaper
Popstar

Reaper wrote:
I mean you could at least give it a try

Private
National star

kagura wrote:
been there, done that. so no i wouldn't do that again
but i mean if it's fine by you why not give it try, it's not like you can't ever move away

Private
World famous

Rotte wrote:
If u know u can handle the kid being there, i had say go for it! The kid's sleeping habits is likely only going to improve as they get older! ((:

Private
National star

absintjente wrote:
ok heres why i would do it:

1. i like kids, theyre fun
2. living w someone whos not a student would be a welcome change
3. bigger flat!
4. very tangible excuse to avoid inviting ppl home
5. cat? cool!
6. always something to do

i do understand ur worries abt cleaning standards, but is she like... a known slob? also i understand her not wanting ur ex bf around if ur relationship was toxic

also at that age the kid doesnt really scream through the night anymore. they do wake up at like 6 am

Eveningmoon
International star

Eveningmoon wrote:
I'd say go for it and move out if it doesn't work. Who knows, maybe you'll become used to the kid's sleeping habits and have good time with your friend.

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:

absintjente wrote:
ok heres why i would do it:

1. i like kids, theyre fun
2. living w someone whos not a student would be a welcome change
3. bigger flat!
4. very tangible excuse to avoid inviting ppl home
5. cat? cool!
6. always something to do

i do understand ur worries abt cleaning standards, but is she like... a known slob? also i understand her not wanting ur ex bf around if ur relationship was toxic

also at that age the kid doesnt really scream through the night anymore. they do wake up at like 6 am

i love this list, i actually thought i'd only get like "ew no"-answers
she's not a slob at all but cleaning habits have became a huge problem with roommates before, to the point where i couldn't use the kitchen at all without scrubbing it down completely beforehand. i completely understand her about my ex too, and we half-joked about moving in with them would be like a rehab from him.

it'd be cool if the kid has some trouble with sleeping anyway, i still do. i don't usually scream through the night though. but like i said i love them and i've been around children enough to say that i could handle a 3-yo roommate.
i already spoke to my mom about this and she thought that it could work out great, but we'll obviously need to weigh the options and my friend has to consult her boyfriend about their future (living) plans.

Private
Princess of Pop

Arthema wrote:
If you love her kid, like
go for it?????

Private
National star

absintjente wrote:

hutsu wrote:

absintjente wrote:
ok heres why i would do it:

1. i like kids, theyre fun
2. living w someone whos not a student would be a welcome change
3. bigger flat!
4. very tangible excuse to avoid inviting ppl home
5. cat? cool!
6. always something to do

i do understand ur worries abt cleaning standards, but is she like... a known slob? also i understand her not wanting ur ex bf around if ur relationship was toxic

also at that age the kid doesnt really scream through the night anymore. they do wake up at like 6 am

i love this list, i actually thought i'd only get like "ew no"-answers
she's not a slob at all but cleaning habits have became a huge problem with roommates before, to the point where i couldn't use the kitchen at all without scrubbing it down completely beforehand. i completely understand her about my ex too, and we half-joked about moving in with them would be like a rehab from him.

it'd be cool if the kid has some trouble with sleeping anyway, i still do. i don't usually scream through the night though. but like i said i love them and i've been around children enough to say that i could handle a 3-yo roommate.
i already spoke to my mom about this and she thought that it could work out great, but we'll obviously need to weigh the options and my friend has to consult her boyfriend about their future (living) plans.

tbh i think since shes a mum i dont think the kitchen will go to that extent, but make sure to take that discussion before u move in.

if shes not a known slob i see no downsides. yeah, (casual) sex might be tricky but also id take that worry when i get to it n perhaps discuss w ur friend abt it as well.

Private
World famous

Claire wrote:
does your friend know about your dissociative disorder

idk i wouldnt have a friend who has severe mental health issues move in with my child when theyre still in aplace where they dont even have their diagnosis yet. i would need them to be further along in treatment. like with peace and love and no offense intended i just wouldnt have someone with your conditoin live with my child.

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:

absintjente wrote:

hutsu wrote:

absintjente wrote:
ok heres why i would do it:

1. i like kids, theyre fun
2. living w someone whos not a student would be a welcome change
3. bigger flat!
4. very tangible excuse to avoid inviting ppl home
5. cat? cool!
6. always something to do

i do understand ur worries abt cleaning standards, but is she like... a known slob? also i understand her not wanting ur ex bf around if ur relationship was toxic

also at that age the kid doesnt really scream through the night anymore. they do wake up at like 6 am

i love this list, i actually thought i'd only get like "ew no"-answers
she's not a slob at all but cleaning habits have became a huge problem with roommates before, to the point where i couldn't use the kitchen at all without scrubbing it down completely beforehand. i completely understand her about my ex too, and we half-joked about moving in with them would be like a rehab from him.

it'd be cool if the kid has some trouble with sleeping anyway, i still do. i don't usually scream through the night though. but like i said i love them and i've been around children enough to say that i could handle a 3-yo roommate.
i already spoke to my mom about this and she thought that it could work out great, but we'll obviously need to weigh the options and my friend has to consult her boyfriend about their future (living) plans.

tbh i think since shes a mum i dont think the kitchen will go to that extent, but make sure to take that discussion before u move in.

if shes not a known slob i see no downsides. yeah, (casual) sex might be tricky but also id take that worry when i get to it n perhaps discuss w ur friend abt it as well.

i've already stated all of the things i mentioned here and some more, i don't like being sloppy about something that affects my and a child's life drastically. i started a +/- list and told her every concern i came up with.

the whole topic of sex while living with a small child is very foreign to me, and i need to discuss it some more with my friend. like i don't know if i should only have sex when the kid isn't home or are some noises etc okay, i really don't know and i don't think anyone but my friend can really draw the line here. i'm also into various bdsm shenanigans like shibari/ropework and bondage in general, and we'll need to have a sit down about how openly i can practice those kinda things. makes me go hmm

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:

Claire wrote:
does your friend know about your dissociative disorder

idk i wouldnt have a friend who has severe mental health issues move in with my child when theyre still in aplace where they dont even have their diagnosis yet. i would need them to be further along in treatment. like with peace and love and no offense intended i just wouldnt have someone with your conditoin live with my child.

of course she does, i wouldn't consider something like this for a hot second if she didn't know me very well. i haven't even know about my disorder until a few months ago myself, and i think that her wanting to keep my ex at bay is her way of protecting herself and her kid from me switching a lot etc. we've known each other for years and she knows that i can keep my shit together when i'm not around people who constantly hurt me and are abusive.

she's had some issues with her mental health too, which probably makes her feel less threatened by this. i've been around the kid in some huge crisis situations in my life in the past and it didn't really change how i acted around them then, so maybe that makes her more trusting on me handling myself too. i get that some people wouldn't want anyone with (especially untreated) a dissociative disorder around (their) children, but i guess she doesn't think that because she's known me really well for years and honestly seen me at my worst and still trusts me. i think.

MissLondon
World famous

MissLondon wrote:
Nope, because I’d never want to be stuck in a position
where I might be asked to watch a kid that’s not mine
Privacy would also be an issue for me

Hutsu
National star

hutsu wrote:

MissLondon wrote:
Nope, because I’d never want to be stuck in a position
where I might be asked to watch a kid that’s not mine
Privacy would also be an issue for me

i'm down for hanging out with the kid, they're fun
i thought about the privacy thing briefly and decided that it's enough for me to have my own bedroom and them to have their own rooms. and since the kid's dad doesn't live with them they'll spend lots of weekends away etc. and my friend has a boyfriend that comes with his own place so maybe we could clear out some alone time for either one of us when needed