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Bloodflowers wrote:
Decided to try and get admittet to a psychiatric hospital so I went to the city and I went to one there and talked to a nurse talked to a doctor etc like hello I want death.
They said I belonged to another hospital 15min away so I was going to get a taxi there and get admitted there instead. Got to wait 4h for that fuckning taxi. No food all I had eaten that day was a toast for breakfast and u know when i left I had been there for 5h not allowed to leave.
Got transported to this other psych and this is where the shit begins it was so weird ?? like the vibe. It didn’t feel like a real psych ward. I told the nurse u know the same I want to die yes I’ll hurt myself while I’m here do I get to eat now.
Then I get to go eat.
I get to keep my backpack. I get to keep my shoes (with shoelaces). No one checks my pockets. I have a lighter inside my pant leg could have been a knife. There are places to hang myself in my room, the closet etc. The wires to the tv in the dining/living area are just hanging and not hidden. The balcony is open every other hour for smoking. Group walks outside after lunch every day (?). so u know I get there and I’m like wtf is this I’m getting out of here and I could probably escape.
While this feels like a not high risk ward i was there because I said I would kill myself otherwise and I said I will hurt myself when I’m here and they were like k.
I have to go ask for my meds and the nurse comes back with 2 instead of 3 tablets. I say uh I’m supposed to take 3 she says no you’re not. This is when I get irritated and I say that I need to take the dose I am prescribed or I’ll feel worse than I already do and that I’m here in the first place bc I haven’t gotten the dosage I’m supposed to take. She says no. She gets angry that I won’t let it go and raises her voice at me and then just storms off. I say let me out then. She walks into the room where the doctor is and SLAMS the door behind her. She then storms back in again and gets all up in my face yelling that the doctor will see me now. I think wtf.
With the doctor it’s the same like he is SCREAMING at me ?? and everytime I try to speak he cuts me off mid sentence and I eventually get to ask him if I had even gotten to say a single sentence yet without him interrupting and he has no answer. I tell him either I want the correct dosage or I want to leave. He asks if there’s a risk I will kill myself if I leave I say yes but the risk is bigger here because I feel worse now. And he keeps demaning a yes or no anwer ??? and he doesnt let it go so i have to eventually say only yes and then he’s like okay but then we can let him out. And I think am i speaking to a child wtf is going on.
I tell him I can kill myself here and say all the ways I can including that he doesn’t know if I have anyting in my pockets or not. The nurse that also is in the room says it’s not possible to commit suicide here because they check on their patients every other hour.
?!??!?!??!?!?!???! yes because it takes at least 3h to commit suicide.
Doc says he will dicuss with another doctor regarding meds etc.
I leave and get called in 5 min later and he’s like “okay we can give you 3 pills instead of 2”. u know, my correct prescription. I say no I want to leave and he just agrees. And I get to collect my stuff and they let me out.
Most most likely because they thought I was being difficult.
And then i read my fucking journal and he writes that he let me go home because I have not expressed suicidal thoughts while in the ward and I am not suicidal and there’s no risk I will commit suicide when I get home. Appariently. Lmao.
What the fuck
Decided to try and get admittet to a psychiatric hospital so I went to the city and I went to one there and talked to a nurse talked to a doctor etc like hello I want death.
They said I belonged to another hospital 15min away so I was going to get a taxi there and get admitted there instead. Got to wait 4h for that fuckning taxi. No food all I had eaten that day was a toast for breakfast and u know when i left I had been there for 5h not allowed to leave.
Got transported to this other psych and this is where the shit begins it was so weird ?? like the vibe. It didn’t feel like a real psych ward. I told the nurse u know the same I want to die yes I’ll hurt myself while I’m here do I get to eat now.
Then I get to go eat.
I get to keep my backpack. I get to keep my shoes (with shoelaces). No one checks my pockets. I have a lighter inside my pant leg could have been a knife. There are places to hang myself in my room, the closet etc. The wires to the tv in the dining/living area are just hanging and not hidden. The balcony is open every other hour for smoking. Group walks outside after lunch every day (?). so u know I get there and I’m like wtf is this I’m getting out of here and I could probably escape.
While this feels like a not high risk ward i was there because I said I would kill myself otherwise and I said I will hurt myself when I’m here and they were like k.
I have to go ask for my meds and the nurse comes back with 2 instead of 3 tablets. I say uh I’m supposed to take 3 she says no you’re not. This is when I get irritated and I say that I need to take the dose I am prescribed or I’ll feel worse than I already do and that I’m here in the first place bc I haven’t gotten the dosage I’m supposed to take. She says no. She gets angry that I won’t let it go and raises her voice at me and then just storms off. I say let me out then. She walks into the room where the doctor is and SLAMS the door behind her. She then storms back in again and gets all up in my face yelling that the doctor will see me now. I think wtf.
With the doctor it’s the same like he is SCREAMING at me ?? and everytime I try to speak he cuts me off mid sentence and I eventually get to ask him if I had even gotten to say a single sentence yet without him interrupting and he has no answer. I tell him either I want the correct dosage or I want to leave. He asks if there’s a risk I will kill myself if I leave I say yes but the risk is bigger here because I feel worse now. And he keeps demaning a yes or no anwer ??? and he doesnt let it go so i have to eventually say only yes and then he’s like okay but then we can let him out. And I think am i speaking to a child wtf is going on.
I tell him I can kill myself here and say all the ways I can including that he doesn’t know if I have anyting in my pockets or not. The nurse that also is in the room says it’s not possible to commit suicide here because they check on their patients every other hour.
?!??!?!??!?!?!???! yes because it takes at least 3h to commit suicide.
Doc says he will dicuss with another doctor regarding meds etc.
I leave and get called in 5 min later and he’s like “okay we can give you 3 pills instead of 2”. u know, my correct prescription. I say no I want to leave and he just agrees. And I get to collect my stuff and they let me out.
Most most likely because they thought I was being difficult.
And then i read my fucking journal and he writes that he let me go home because I have not expressed suicidal thoughts while in the ward and I am not suicidal and there’s no risk I will commit suicide when I get home. Appariently. Lmao.
What the fuck
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