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i'm 2 weeks sober
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
thanks 2 benzodiazepines & antabuse
ive been drinking huge amounts of soda
started w alcohol free cider but jsut feels like blowing on an itch

when i stopped smoking i felt relieved immidietly to be rid of it but i've been feeling empty and angry. seeking to fill some kind of void i thought of raves something like that. thought of quitting antabuse. thought of killing myself. missing it to death. 

i day dream of scenarious in which i am drunk and im happy and its fun and im laughing and i think this is your addiction bc youre never happy drunk, youre crying, youre anxious, youre alone and you compulsively drink until you can't anymore
great

can't figure out why i miss it i hate being drunk, feels like shit. i hate not being drunk bc of the psychical and mental need for it and then i have to feel a buzz every second of the day but i cant get anything done bc i cant focus and if i dont work then i need a drink.

and yesterday i felt some kind of relief. that there was no withdrawal and i was having fun sober. told my partner that once you're addicted you've already lost. a part of you will be unhappy until the day you die, the part that still craves whatever substance you've fucked yourself up with

and they said mby when you get off antabuse we can try drinking just a cider or something and i said we've already done that last time i broke sobriety and then i drank every day

wish i found a cause for why im so stupid. but im not depressed i dont want to escape anything kind of just wish i could stop escaping

future is bright probably maybe
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 13-10-2021 18:35 | Times changed: 2
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
i originally posted in mcs but im not sure if actually against the rules
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 13-10-2021 18:37
Busy
Streetmusician



Busy wrote:
you always miss things that are familiar to you when you no longer do them, even if they hurt you. that doesn't make you stupid. that's basic human psychology, don't beat yourself up about it 

realizing that you have a problem and actively working to solve it, whether you're miserable doing so or not, is farther than a lot of alcoholics get. your future IS bright. work on your self talk and doing things that make you feel valuable. 
6
Posts: 76
Date: 13-10-2021 18:40
Private
World famous



Barbarella wrote:
Are you doing therapy alongside the meds?
20
Posts: 8718
Date: 13-10-2021 18:41
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
Busy wrote:
you always miss things that are familiar to you when you no longer do them, even if they hurt you. that doesn't make you stupid. that's basic human psychology, don't beat yourself up about it 

realizing that you have a problem and actively working to solve it, whether you're miserable doing so or not, is farther than a lot of alcoholics get. your future IS bright. work on your self talk and doing things that make you feel valuable. 
that's true. just sucks it never really goes away. hope it will get easier with time

my uncle is an alcoholic and i've always hated him growing up for never showing up, christmas, birthdays etc. always calling drunk. i get him now but i hope i never become like him and give up
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 13-10-2021 19:03
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Are you doing therapy alongside the meds?
nope
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 13-10-2021 19:04
Private
World famous



Barbarella wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Are you doing therapy alongside the meds?
nope
Is it a possibility? I know a lot of addicts who have gotten clean, but are still miserable because they never addressed the root of their addiction. Not to mention, as an addict, one develops a lot of really toxic survival techniques, and without the tools to break those down, they don't go away.
20
Posts: 8718
Date: 13-10-2021 19:06
Private
World famous



Barbarella wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Are you doing therapy alongside the meds?
nope
Is it a possibility? I know a lot of addicts who have gotten clean, but are still miserable because they never addressed the root of their addiction. Not to mention, as an addict, one develops a lot of really toxic survival techniques, and without the tools to break those down, they don't go away.
Sobriety is great, but you deserve to feel whole and comfortable with yourself. You clearly want to be a better version of you, or you wouldn't be doing this - and you deserve that peace. 
20
Posts: 8718
Date: 13-10-2021 19:09
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Are you doing therapy alongside the meds?
nope
Is it a possibility? I know a lot of addicts who have gotten clean, but are still miserable because they never addressed the root of their addiction. Not to mention, as an addict, one develops a lot of really toxic survival techniques, and without the tools to break those down, they don't go away.
i think so. i go to an addiction clinic twice a week for antabuse but only have contact with a nurse so far
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 13-10-2021 19:24
Private
World famous



Barbarella wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
Barbarella wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
nope
Is it a possibility? I know a lot of addicts who have gotten clean, but are still miserable because they never addressed the root of their addiction. Not to mention, as an addict, one develops a lot of really toxic survival techniques, and without the tools to break those down, they don't go away.
i think so. i go to an addiction clinic twice a week for antabuse but only have contact with a nurse so far
I dunno what it's like where you live
it's really bad here in Kentucky with the suboxone and methadone clinics for addiction, too much "maintenance" focus and not enough "recovery" focus.
I really hope you can find the help you need, unfortunately you may have to advocate for it yourself (which is extra hard when someone is already struggling)
20
Posts: 8718
Date: 13-10-2021 19:27
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
im going to get someone to talk to for the purpose of preventing relapse in the future
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 18-10-2021 19:37
MissLondon
Queen of Queens



MissLondon wrote:
Congrats on your 2 weeks!
20
Posts: 27725
Date: 18-10-2021 20:11
Private
World famous



Moongirl wrote:
I'm recovering atm too, still gave myself free pass to drink 1 a week odl if it makes it worse.
20
Posts: 12980
Date: 18-10-2021 20:13
Private
World famous



Moongirl wrote:
Moongirl wrote:
I'm recovering atm too, still gave myself free pass to drink 1 a week odl if it makes it worse.
Weekends are hard af if I don't
20
Posts: 12980
Date: 18-10-2021 20:13
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
MissLondon wrote:
Congrats on your 2 weeks!
Thank you!
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 19-10-2021 18:20
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
Moongirl wrote:
I'm recovering atm too, still gave myself free pass to drink 1 a week odl if it makes it worse.

I don't have that kind of self control. Hope all goes well for you
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 19-10-2021 18:22
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