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breaking up
Private
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Limbs wrote:
edit: already decided i'm gonna do it (probably), i'm just trying to get the courage to do it now

like,, the things keeping me together with him now are basically 1. what if i regret it later on n realize then that no one else could ever compare to him, 2. sense of obligation because he has done me so many favors and stuff, 3. things that i've wanted to do with him for a long time, like spending christmas together, etc, i still feel like i want those experiences even if the rest of the time this relationship is making me unhappy

how do you reconcile with stuff like that? like? i kind of feel like i want to break up already but i'm scared of making the wrong choice i guess.

if you couldn't tell, i've never broken up or been in a relationship before this lol. maybe y'all could tell me what the process of deciding to break up looked like for you?
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 22-10-2021 20:36 | Times changed: 1
Private
World famous



Rotte wrote:
If it makes you unhappy, leave. As much as it sucks losing all of that, it could end up making you more unhappy.
21
Posts: 70325
Date: 22-10-2021 20:42
Keres
Youtube star



Keres wrote:
my first relationship was 3 years long, really toxic and when we broke up i thought that my life sucks without him. it has been over a year since we broke up and my life doesn't suck at all, i'm a lot happier now.

if you think that you want to break up with him you really should do it, you will be a lot happier. maybe not immediately but after you have healed you start to feel happier, i can promise you that < 3

edit. and you will have a lot of time to experience different things but with a different person who makes you happier
12
Posts: 469
Date: 22-10-2021 20:45 | Times changed: 2
Private
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Limbs wrote:
y'all aren't allowed to harp on me about how i'm being stupid for thinking like this btw... anyway

number 3 i kind of already became disillusioned about because one of the Things I Wanted For A Long Time To Experience With Him happened a while back and it was a shit experience, i realized i would have had much more fun alone and that's because he's just like that. so all the other smaller things i've kind of let go of already but christmas, man. it's fucking christmas. i just want 1 christmas together with the person i love

and ii feel like number 1 maybe has a lot to do with how highly he regards himself, n all the (genuinely very impressive) achievements and social status he has, and how lowly he speaks of most other people. i hate that i've also started to slightly internalize the views he has about society/people because that's not the kind of person i want to be at all. & that i'm becoming more passive aggressive & unhealthy in communication because that's the only kind of communication he responds to. i feel like he makes me a worse person, and he says that i make him better but i feel like i probably make him worse too? trauma bond innit. i don't know, maybe i'm wrong but [shrug]

sry for venting so much or whatever oof
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 22-10-2021 20:56
Private
National star



kagura wrote:
i was fucking scared to leave my ex too. i thought i would never be able to build a home with anyone else and i thought nobody else could know me like he does and still love meĀ 
but i didn't love him that way and it was wrong from me to hang on that relationship with so long, too long. i fell to somebody else during our relationshipĀ 
so it came to the point i had to leave my ex with "i'm in love with somebody else sorry"
everything went better than expected tho. he was like yes i know you are, please go to himĀ  and we are still best friendsĀ 
i once asked him how he got over that and how he can still be my (best)friend
andĀ  he said was "because i love you and i can't stand the idea of how miserable you were with me"Ā 

so idk this story probably doesn't help you much, but i'm just saying leave before something like this happens. it's not fair to anyone and not everyone acts like my exĀ 
14
Posts: 7616
Date: 22-10-2021 20:58 | Times changed: 1
Private
Youtube star



Limbs wrote:
it's fairly clear now that i don't want to stay in this relationship. thinking about seeing him now just makes me anxious and uncomfortable, and knowing what kind of person he is and how he's treated me and other people, i don't want to be dealing with that for the rest of my life

he's really selfish, and i'm not saying that in relation to me but it grosses me out how he treats other people. he gets so mad about insanely small things and lashes out at his mom (when she's being perfectly nice/reasonable), yells at waitresses, n thinks he's entitled to like.. special privileges, like he's allowed to break the law and stuff. and he genuinely talks about how he's special (or we're special) and other people are trash n not worth engaging with

that and he's racist and a conspiracy theorist. and he won't wear condoms and he's crossed my boundaries so many times. he's so passive aggressive and won't talk through issues constructively, n when i try he doesn't listen to my viewpoint at all and says i'm overreacting

this is probably super mean dishing on him like this but, even if i'm not correct about him, the fact that i see him like this means we should break up anyway, right? and i know he really wants kids, and it's become very clear to me now that i don't want to have kids with him so it's really best for him as well if i let him go, right. i still feel guilty bc i feel like being the dumper makes me a bad person but idk. it seems inevitable now.Ā 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 11-11-2021 19:08
ArianaGrande
National star



ArianaGrande wrote:
is it possible to just take a break and see how you feel throughout it?
15
Posts: 31137
Date: 11-11-2021 19:24
Private
International star



emogirrrl123 wrote:
Limbs wrote:
it's fairly clear now that i don't want to stay in this relationship. thinking about seeing him now just makes me anxious and uncomfortable, and knowing what kind of person he is and how he's treated me and other people, i don't want to be dealing with that for the rest of my life

he's really selfish, and i'm not saying that in relation to me but it grosses me out how he treats other people. he gets so mad about insanely small things and lashes out at his mom (when she's being perfectly nice/reasonable), yells at waitresses, n thinks he's entitled to like.. special privileges, like he's allowed to break the law and stuff. and he genuinely talks about how he's special (or we're special) and other people are trash n not worth engaging with

that and he's racist and a conspiracy theorist. and he won't wear condoms and he's crossed my boundaries so many times. he's so passive aggressive and won't talk through issues constructively, n when i try he doesn't listen to my viewpoint at all and says i'm overreacting

this is probably super mean dishing on him like this but, even if i'm not correct about him, the fact that i see him like this means we should break up anyway, right? and i know he really wants kids, and it's become very clear to me now that i don't want to have kids with him so it's really best for him as well if i let him go, right. i still feel guilty bc i feel like being the dumper makes me a bad person but idk. it seems inevitable now.Ā 
he sounds super abusive and luckily it seems like you have already made your decision. it's just the matter of time you put it into action.
18
Posts: 13218
Date: 11-11-2021 20:33
Solar
National star



Solar wrote:
if you are thinking about leaving, leave!Ā 
i was in a relationship that was abusive and not good for me, but i still loved her very much. so breaking up was very hard, but i'm so so so so so so happy i did!! the first few weeks were absolutely terrible, and we still kept in contact which made it sm worse. then we decided to stop talking to each other for a while and i realised how much better off i was without her.Ā 

i made a pro/con list of dating her, and i really thought the pro's outweighed the cons. they did not!!! i was so free after breaking up, i finally felt like myself again, had so much time for myself, money for myself, i could do the things i liked again.Ā 

so don't stay with someone bc ur scared of the future. if it doesn't feel right now, it won't feel right later!Ā 
19
Posts: 7455
Date: 11-11-2021 20:41
Solar
National star



Solar wrote:
you can do it you can do it you can do it
19
Posts: 7455
Date: 11-11-2021 20:42
MissLondon
Queen of Queens



MissLondon wrote:
Easy, when Iā€™ve had enough
i bounce and Iā€™ve learnedĀ 
that itā€™s ok to put myself first
good luckĀ 
20
Posts: 27725
Date: 11-11-2021 20:45
Private
National star



absintjente wrote:
i think perhaps youve made up your mind already, but looking for reassurance.Ā 
21
Posts: 12685
Date: 11-11-2021 20:46
Private
Youtube star



Limbs wrote:
i'm thinking of calling him today but having doubts now,, am i making the wrong fucking call idk. this shit is so difficult with my dissociation because most of "us" agree that we should break up w/ him but there is 1 part that only feels love and care toward him and isn't aware of any of the issues. feels fucked up to just ignore all the love i still have for him but i feel like i have to think about this logically. n knowing that i've been thinking about breaking up for almost a year now + the things that he's done, i do feel like it has to be done

sucks though, right
i kind of assumed it wouldn't hurt since i'm the one leaving him, n because up until now it felt like it would be such a huge relief if i did
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 16-11-2021 14:24
Mimi309
International star



mimi309 wrote:
if youre unhappy with the relationship, youre making the right choice breaking up. itll hurt for sure but youll get over it. best of luck!
13
Posts: 288
Date: 16-11-2021 14:43
Private
Youtube star



Limbs wrote:
ahh god
i called him but he's with a friend rn so we agreed to talk tonight. i feel like i'm gonna chicken out
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 16-11-2021 14:43
Private
Youtube star



Limbs wrote:
i did it
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 16-11-2021 20:01
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