how to not do dumb things - Forum

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World Famous

bee wrote:
its his birthday and i wanna use that as an excuse to text him and tell him im not in love with him like i made it sound last time we talked, but it was all just a deeper personal issue and he did in fact not hurt me like i thought he did. idk im embarrassed of how it ended and i dont want it to be like that but its probably not gonna do anything good to text him again. i might just make it worse

and thats it for todays episode of bees miserable life

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Living Legend

Kofod wrote:
I think if you do message him and try to explain it you'll just seem like you were even more crazy in love with him.
The only thing I can say to you in order to console you is that you'll move on from it soon enough, but I've already told you.
The more you think of it, the worse it'll get

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National Star

kagura wrote:
it's not worth it

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World Famous

bee wrote:

Kofod wrote:
I think if you do message him and try to explain it you'll just seem like you were even more crazy in love with him.
The only thing I can say to you in order to console you is that you'll move on from it soon enough, but I've already told you.
The more you think of it, the worse it'll get

its like i dont get anything youre saying, my mind is still screaming at me to text him. idk why im like this

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bee wrote:

kagura wrote:
it's not worth it

maybe youre right. but how can i just let this opportunity pass me

Account deleted

wrote:
Turn off ur phone/log out of the message service.
Do something u like instead to take ur mind off it.

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bee wrote:

Eostre wrote:
Turn off ur phone/log out of the message service.
Do something u like instead to take ur mind off it.

im having a really hard time not thinking about it

Account deleted

wrote:

bee wrote:

Kofod wrote:
I think if you do message him and try to explain it you'll just seem like you were even more crazy in love with him.
The only thing I can say to you in order to console you is that you'll move on from it soon enough, but I've already told you.
The more you think of it, the worse it'll get

its like i dont get anything youre saying, my mind is still screaming at me to text him. idk why im like this

You're not your mind tho. That you can both notice that it does a thing and have a different conversation going at the same time shows it. If it is rooted in ur emotions, it doesn't have to make sense. You just have to feel it for a while, show urself some selflove and stop triggering the thoughts by entertaining the idea in ways u can control (so get urself out of a space where you physically can text him, and try to tell urself aka think it "that you can let these thoughts go now. You're allowed to let them go. Ir doesn't sound like a good idea) like maybe go for a walk or dance to some music for a while, drink something refreshing, breathe in some fresh air or smell a flower. Take pics of ur cat w flowers behind their ear! Something to redirect the energy that's now being consumed by the thoughts. And obvi ur allowed to think about it again, but try to just notice it and move on when it happens. Nothing bad happened. Thoughts are just thoughts. If it suits you, you can also journal about why you fx.feel so embarrassed about how it ended and just work through the experience and all the emotions that shows up. I like to give myself a hug and whisper to myself "i got u."

Also u can fill my to do ideas with whatever suits u ofc.

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bee wrote:

Eostre wrote:

bee wrote:

Kofod wrote:
I think if you do message him and try to explain it you'll just seem like you were even more crazy in love with him.
The only thing I can say to you in order to console you is that you'll move on from it soon enough, but I've already told you.
The more you think of it, the worse it'll get

its like i dont get anything youre saying, my mind is still screaming at me to text him. idk why im like this

You're not your mind tho. That you can both notice that it does a thing and have a different conversation going at the same time shows it. If it is rooted in ur emotions, it doesn't have to make sense. You just have to feel it for a while, show urself some selflove and stop triggering the thoughts by entertaining the idea in ways u can control (so get urself out of a space where you physically can text him, and try to tell urself aka think it "that you can let these thoughts go now. You're allowed to let them go. Ir doesn't sound like a good idea) like maybe go for a walk or dance to some music for a while, drink something refreshing, breathe in some fresh air or smell a flower. Take pics of ur cat w flowers behind their ear! Something to redirect the energy that's now being consumed by the thoughts. And obvi ur allowed to think about it again, but try to just notice it and move on when it happens. Nothing bad happened. Thoughts are just thoughts. If it suits you, you can also journal about why you fx.feel so embarrassed about how it ended and just work through the experience and all the emotions that shows up. I like to give myself a hug and whisper to myself "i got u."

Also u can fill my to do ideas with whatever suits u ofc.

bless you
thank you for writing all that, i appreciate it. im currently trying to see if my friend wanna hang out so i can think of something else. rn nothing helps when im alone

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National Star

kagura wrote:
when i was broke up with my ex and i was dying to text/call him, also little drunk, i cried about it here and somebody (i really do not remember who it was) suggested to me that i should write everything i wanna say to him to a paper, then tear that in pieces or burn it

of course that didn't take my pain away, but i guess at that moment it made me felt just a little bit better

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Popstar

Rouya wrote:
speaking from previous experience: dont. it wont do any good, and whatever happened happened and that's ok. it is also ok that you are embarrassed; it's not something you need to fix by prodding at it more. if you feel the need to examine why youre embarrassed and need to write about it, i would suggest writing about it in a journal. that's what i did when i was dumped real bad and it helped + it kept me from texting him

also asking your friend to hang out with you is a good idea. i would suggest also maybe looking into a hobby that you find interesting and delve into that to take your mind off it

the feelings will pass and you will feel better soon enough

MissLondon
World Famous

MissLondon wrote:
Idc if it’s the holidays
don’t text him further
unless he reaches out first
Otherwise, you come across as
clingy/stalker

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bee wrote:
i feel a little better now maybe

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World Famous

bee wrote:
he thanked me for the birthday wish with a very happy smiley
he said to not worry about it and hoped i was doing good
he said it was nice talking a bit again

SORRY for not following any of the kind advices but im kinda glad i texted him anyway. and it went fine. i got to say what i needed to and i feel lighter now

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World Famous

bee wrote:
on another note my ex added me to his private story?? no idea why he would do that. uuhhh my state of mind is so critical i actually thought hmmm maybe we could be friends. it literally took me 18 months to get over him goodbye

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bee wrote:
i know i sound very miserable all the time but i want you to know im trying to do something about it. im on a waiting list for this thing, its not group therapy but its a group for people in their twenties who just need a little help to start life again. its a whole thing and i was in it two years ago but my anxiety was too bad then, im excited to get back eventually
im reaching out to people i havent talked to in a while and im also trying to meet friends through bumble lol. its very hard and i keep not replying to people but i believe its a start somehow
thing is, im trying