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General < General
i did it again
Private
International star



Rhaella wrote:
i chose another problematic man

this one seemed so perfect, but apparently he downs a six pack of beer on a work night for his work stress. and only the sixth one started to impact his gaming, which suggests this isn't a one time thing

uggghhh i can't. i don't want to end up dating someone like my dad who self medicates with alcohol at every turn
12
Posts: 2205
Date: 12-10-2022 19:44
MissLondon
Queen of Queens



MissLondon wrote:
If it’s a pattern
maybe figure out what it is in you
that seems to attract those types
20
Posts: 27555
Date: 12-10-2022 19:54
Private
International star



Rhaella wrote:
MissLondon wrote:
If it’s a pattern
maybe figure out what it is in you
that seems to attract those types
i've done two years of therapy and i'm currently in a good place with myself. i've tried dating different kinds of men, but i honestly have no idea why i attract men like him.

my last ex was a good person, but he didn't love me. like all the good men i choose end up not loving me. the ones who do like me are like this dude, somehow problematic. there's one who turned out to be a neo-nazi, then there's a guy with lots of narcissistic traits. dudes who end up dumping me for another or cheating on me. and now this one has issues with alcohol use.
12
Posts: 2205
Date: 12-10-2022 20:01
MasileinDE
International star



MasileinDE wrote:
I feel like the self-blame on these things can only go so far.
Like, ok, if most of the men you chose fall into a certain kind of category, there is a pattern there and there is a reason there for why this happens.
But I also feel like to some degree it's also a bit due to how most people approach dating in general. I get that it's depressing to not see dating as the "I'm looking for *the one*" because for many it is. But that's like filling out one lottery sli and hoping you make it big. You are bound to have "failures" to some extend if you really want to be able to find someone good. As long as you try to be as safe as possible in regards to yourself and your future, that's about the best you apparently can do.
(Also, in regard to this only problematic dudes love me back comment, I feel like oftentimes those guys where you say to yourself "those a big general red flags" - as in many people would consider them to be major red flags - usually have a really low point of entry themselves and claim to love or actually love about anyone since their desire to be in a relationship in addition to who they are makes them need to be less picky as well. This is armchair science and I'm happy to proven wrong, but this idea of being *so desperate you'd date anyone* goes both ways and isn't just on one person and seems to just get amplified by this perceived need of having to find the right person fast with as little picking and chosing as possible.)
16
Posts: 11906
Date: 12-10-2022 20:14
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