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General < General
psychosis has messed me up
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
I feel like I'm doubting everything. Like I can't trust myself to know what's real anymore.And I feel shame when I think of my past delusions and I feel shame when I think of past hallucinations.

I feel like any day I could go back into fantasy land where everything is awful and people are trying to kill me. 

I think of my most recent hospital stay when I thought my ex had sent people to watch me and eventually kill me. I thought the staff was in on it too and the other patients. I thought the staff were trying to poison my food and I would yell at them to close the door if the came into my room because I thought other patients could sneak in and hurt me. And all the hallucinations calling me a whore or bitch and sneaking shadows and my cat. Hallucinations telling me to shut up. I had to eventually start talking walks in the corridor with staff to start coming back to real life.

Honestly what even is real? What if I'm in psychosis right now and I just don't know it? I've had delusions that my ex boyfriend was going to propose so what if I'm not getting into another romantic relationship and it's just made up in my head and she doesn't even like me?

I've had so many psychotic episodes and they're all equally terrifying waking up from and realising I've been living in a fake world. And the hallucinations are crazy. One time I saw a dead girl on the couch and her skin was grey and she wasn't breathing. But appariently that wasn't real it only looked real.

How can the brain even do this?
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 03-11-2022 21:05
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
I could really use some therapy I think
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 03-11-2022 21:25
Private
International star



wug wrote:
I'm sorry it is like this for you 
19
Posts: 108086
Date: 03-11-2022 21:28
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
Klasifikovany wrote:
I'm sorry it is like this for you 
thank you i feel the same
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 03-11-2022 21:32
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
I also feel like I'm just going around waiting for the next psychotic episode to hit. I'm expecting it to come back eventually
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 04-11-2022 19:49
Private
Youtube star



Xenya wrote:
i can't begin to understand how it might feel to not trust what you see and hear
but all of this is a result of too much activity in some parts of your brain and not enough activity in other parts. 
if you're on medication, it's so important to take it and stay on it because it does make a difference 
20
Posts: 19298
Date: 04-11-2022 23:02
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
It's only been a month and I don't feel like this anymore so that's good
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 14-12-2022 18:19
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
Xenya wrote:
i can't begin to understand how it might feel to not trust what you see and hear
but all of this is a result of too much activity in some parts of your brain and not enough activity in other parts. 
if you're on medication, it's so important to take it and stay on it because it does make a difference 
medication has pretty much saved my life. So glad I've found what works for me
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 14-12-2022 18:20
Private
Popstar



Rouya wrote:
im sorry youre experiencing all of that, it sounds very exhausting
22
Posts: 9159
Date: 14-12-2022 18:22
MissLondon
Queen of Queens



MissLondon wrote:
Do you still have your cat?
Any plans for the holiday?

Hope things are improving 
and sorry to go off topic
I just think there’s more
to you than diagnoses/mental stuff
20
Posts: 27725
Date: 14-12-2022 18:25
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
MissLondon wrote:
Do you still have your cat?
Any plans for the holiday?

Hope things are improving 
and sorry to go off topic
I just think there’s more
to you than diagnoses/mental stuff
yes I still have him. He's turning 8 this spring and he is a very good boy who like to sleep on the radiator/element.
I plan on going to visist my uncle up north to spend christmas with him. None of the rest of the family can come but I honestly would feel like it's not christmas if I can't spend it with him he's my favorite family member.
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 14-12-2022 18:28
MissLondon
Queen of Queens



MissLondon wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
MissLondon wrote:
Do you still have your cat?
Any plans for the holiday?

Hope things are improving 
and sorry to go off topic
I just think there’s more
to you than diagnoses/mental stuff
yes I still have him. He's turning 8 this spring and he is a very good boy who like to sleep on the radiator/element.
I plan on going to visist my uncle up north to spend christmas with him. None of the rest of the family can come but I honestly would feel like it's not christmas if I can't spend it with him he's my favorite family member.
Aw, it’s Marcus right?
Do you get him anything special 
for his birthday/Christmas?
Even tho my pets obviously don’t know 
I get them stuff toys, little treats lol

That sounds nice and also
very relatable!
20
Posts: 27725
Date: 14-12-2022 18:34
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
MissLondon wrote:
Bloodflowers wrote:
MissLondon wrote:
Do you still have your cat?
Any plans for the holiday?

Hope things are improving 
and sorry to go off topic
I just think there’s more
to you than diagnoses/mental stuff
yes I still have him. He's turning 8 this spring and he is a very good boy who like to sleep on the radiator/element.
I plan on going to visist my uncle up north to spend christmas with him. None of the rest of the family can come but I honestly would feel like it's not christmas if I can't spend it with him he's my favorite family member.
Aw, it’s Marcus right?
Do you get him anything special 
for his birthday/Christmas?
Even tho my pets obviously don’t know 
I get them stuff toys, little treats lol

That sounds nice and also
very relatable!
Yes Markus. I get him wet food, treats and some new toys for his birthdays. He will come with me to celebrate christmas with my uncle so he will get some wet food when we're there since it's his favorite. 
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 14-12-2022 18:42
Cherrycobble
Streetmusician



cherrycobble wrote:
not great at comforting but well wishes!!
4
Posts: 8
Date: 14-12-2022 20:55
Bloodflowers
Popstar



Bloodflowers wrote:
cherrycobble wrote:
not great at comforting but well wishes!!
thanks!
17
Posts: 28909
Date: 15-12-2022 17:22
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