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bee wrote:
sometimes i think about, what if my mental illness hadnt taken so much from me? i think what if i had gotten help in kindergarten when the first signs showed? what if i was pressured more into therapy when i was younger? what if i chose this instead of that? what if i had done one little thing different? the one tiny thing that made me destined to this life. a life with depression and social anxiety, that lead to isolation and missing out in most of my youth. what would my life look like then? if i had finished school and pursued further education. if i had life experiences and dreams and a future i looked forward to. what would my life look like if i was happy? who would i be?
i think about the people i never met. theres real people out there, living their life right now, who i would have known, if i had never gotten to the point of no return. what impact would i have had in their life? who would they be to me? are they feeling my absence in their lives, the same way i miss them in mine?
i think about the people i never got to fall in love with. all the feelings there were supposed to be between us. the happiness and magical moments that will never happen, because i succumbed to mental illness, instead of living a life. the people i never got to love, and who never got to love me back. the heartbreak we're never gonna have to go through and the tears thats never gonna exist.
there was a whole life planned out for me, and a world i was supposed to be a part of. i will never know of the things i've missed out on. but im comforted by the idea, that somewhere out there in the big universe, theres a planet identical to ours. only with the tiny change that in this version of the world, i am happy.
idk im in a weird mood 2night
sometimes i think about, what if my mental illness hadnt taken so much from me? i think what if i had gotten help in kindergarten when the first signs showed? what if i was pressured more into therapy when i was younger? what if i chose this instead of that? what if i had done one little thing different? the one tiny thing that made me destined to this life. a life with depression and social anxiety, that lead to isolation and missing out in most of my youth. what would my life look like then? if i had finished school and pursued further education. if i had life experiences and dreams and a future i looked forward to. what would my life look like if i was happy? who would i be?
i think about the people i never met. theres real people out there, living their life right now, who i would have known, if i had never gotten to the point of no return. what impact would i have had in their life? who would they be to me? are they feeling my absence in their lives, the same way i miss them in mine?
i think about the people i never got to fall in love with. all the feelings there were supposed to be between us. the happiness and magical moments that will never happen, because i succumbed to mental illness, instead of living a life. the people i never got to love, and who never got to love me back. the heartbreak we're never gonna have to go through and the tears thats never gonna exist.
there was a whole life planned out for me, and a world i was supposed to be a part of. i will never know of the things i've missed out on. but im comforted by the idea, that somewhere out there in the big universe, theres a planet identical to ours. only with the tiny change that in this version of the world, i am happy.
idk im in a weird mood 2night
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