long BLOODY distance - Forum

Private
Karaoke star

PaintItPink wrote:
yes
ive dared to go out yesterday (to be fair i go and hang out with people or go somewhere in the evnings a bit more lately) and then my boyfriend throws at me "apparently you prefer spending time with anyone else over me"
and i said to him yeah?? obviously i prefer to meet up irl with people than talk to you on the phone and playing a game lol...how is that not normal

MissLondon
Queen of Queens

MissLondon wrote:
I’d go out too
Pretty boring to chat
when you can hang out
with someone in person

Private
National star

Sylvan wrote:
yikes

Private
Minister of Pop

Arthema wrote:
I'd say that there's a problem on both sides
if he's getting hurt over you having a life? baaaad
if you are not willing to put enough effort into long distance? also bad lol

Private
Streetmusician

Soratheria wrote:
i mean it's not that obv that you'd rather spend time doing anything else than talking to him, even if its on the phone
i'd be kinda upset too if ud been saying that to me

Private
World famous

Babel wrote:
It honestly sounds more like your boyfriend is hurt or sad about you not spending time with him. You should probably talk about your different needs and how you both get to feel content in the relationship.

Private
Karaoke star

PaintItPink wrote:

DeIure wrote:
It honestly sounds more like your boyfriend is hurt or sad about you not spending time with him. You should probably talk about your different needs and how you both get to feel content in the relationship.

I have tried to get him to tell me how much time do I need to spend with him so he's happy, to which he would give me no answer because 'It shouldn't be a chore for me' but then the amount of time he's getting is like obviously not enough. In my mind it is quite a bit considering all we do is talk, play games and watch stuff. During the week (on days where I'm not away) about 3hrs, days where I'm out and about like 1 hours, weekends like 6 hours a day (when I'm not doing anything). In my mind, this is plenty, and I just feel like it's unfair cause it's never bloody enough for him.
I told him he should get a bloody hobby besides Gaming and he says 'I've tried way more hobbies than you in my life and none of them were pleasant enough for me to want to do them on a regular basis'. Which makes me mad 'cause I just think he would be happier and not so fixated on how much time I'm spending with him if he tried to keep at least a bit busy...
I mean, all he does literally all week is like, go to work, come home and play games. Which he can do, but it's not really my problem this lifestyle isn't making him fucking happy, how is it my responsibility.

Solar
National star

Solar wrote:

Sylvan wrote:
yikes

Private
World famous

Babel wrote:

PaintItPink wrote:

DeIure wrote:
It honestly sounds more like your boyfriend is hurt or sad about you not spending time with him. You should probably talk about your different needs and how you both get to feel content in the relationship.

I have tried to get him to tell me how much time do I need to spend with him so he's happy, to which he would give me no answer because 'It shouldn't be a chore for me' but then the amount of time he's getting is like obviously not enough. In my mind it is quite a bit considering all we do is talk, play games and watch stuff. During the week (on days where I'm not away) about 3hrs, days where I'm out and about like 1 hours, weekends like 6 hours a day (when I'm not doing anything). In my mind, this is plenty, and I just feel like it's unfair cause it's never bloody enough for him.
I told him he should get a bloody hobby besides Gaming and he says 'I've tried way more hobbies than you in my life and none of them were pleasant enough for me to want to do them on a regular basis'. Which makes me mad 'cause I just think he would be happier and not so fixated on how much time I'm spending with him if he tried to keep at least a bit busy...
I mean, all he does literally all week is like, go to work, come home and play games. Which he can do, but it's not really my problem this lifestyle isn't making him fucking happy, how is it my responsibility.

Honestly with this added information it doesn't sound like any of you really thrive or will thrive in this relationship.

You should absolutely get time away to do other stuff and enjoy hobbies, and if you have talked about needs, where he doesn't really tell you what he expects from the relationship but end up sounding like he wants you to be ready for his every beck and call, then it just doesn't work.

If you actually want to stay in the relationship it's probably good you talk about your own needs and boundaries, and how he needs to respect them, because you have asked him what he needs to be content in the relationship, and with vague answers and anger it doesn't help you in any way to get it to work, and you also need to be content in the relationship and get to do stuff you want, which it sounds like he's against.

As a sidenote if he has a hard time with other hobbies, maybe ask about his mental health because there might be something wrong. (It's not your job to fix it though, but it might make it easier to support him) If no such thing is wrong, then I would honestly also ask you if you're expecting to stop being long distance at any point and whether what could be a gaming addiction is something you want to live with.