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Tw(?) death: realisation
XLolox
International star



xLolox wrote:
Once in a while, when I'm about to sleep, I just randomly realise "sh*t, my grandma is really dead". Which is so stupid, because I was there the day she passed, carried her casket, visit my grandpa at their house twice a week, cleaned out (most of) her stuff, wear her favourite sweaters.

Honestly, I still feel like everytime I visit my grandpa, that's she will just appear in the kitchen, or her couch. After 2 whole months I still expect her to be there, while I know she won't be.

It's not the sadness of death, just the realisation that the most wonderfull grandmother anyone could ever ask for, is not here.. 

(I added a TW, didn't know if I should or something)
15
Posts: 355
Date: 05-01-2023 01:23
Toraix
World famous



toraix wrote:
i feel u, both of my grandparents are gone and i still feel like i just havent visited them in a while and their house ect would still be there...
17
Posts: 8570
Date: 05-01-2023 01:29
XLolox
International star



xLolox wrote:
toraix wrote:
i feel u, both of my grandparents are gone and i still feel like i just havent visited them in a while and their house ect would still be there...
Yess!

Like why would they be gone? So many memories, second pair of parents!
I Continue my life like she's still there, and with the holidays I just imagined she was there. 
Can't cope with the fact that my grandpa is in agony in their home, stressed, anxious, depressed. He also keeps calling me or my mom her name, because he wants to share everything with HER
15
Posts: 355
Date: 05-01-2023 01:39
MissLondon
Queen of Queens



MissLondon wrote:
If it were possible for those who are gone
to make monthly phone calls 
I wonder if we would miss them less

sorry for your loss 
20
Posts: 27549
Date: 05-01-2023 01:40
Private
World famous



bee wrote:
i can say that after four years i still sometimes think my grandma is sitting in her home on her usual chair and i could come visit her any time. will that feeling ever go away? maybe not and thats ok
18
Posts: 13443
Date: 05-01-2023 01:44
XLolox
International star



xLolox wrote:
MissLondon wrote:
If it were possible for those who are gone
to make monthly phone calls 
I wonder if we would miss them less

sorry for your loss 
Fr
I would love to talk to her, just hear her say the typical things
15
Posts: 355
Date: 05-01-2023 01:44
XLolox
International star



xLolox wrote:
bee wrote:
i can say that after four years i still sometimes think my grandma is sitting in her home on her usual chair and i could come visit her any time. will that feeling ever go away? maybe not and thats ok
I even still feel like she's in her old house (where she lived from like 1975/2011. Isn't like she has lived in the home she passed away in for 11 years.
<3
15
Posts: 355
Date: 05-01-2023 01:46
Private
Popstar



uhyre wrote:
it's been like. a decade since my grand ma died and it was the first major, directly affecting me since I grew properly conscious death, death in my family, and I still catch myself getting surprised at it. like I'll think wow its been a while since I saw grandma I should visit soon. and then immediately remember. its not a grief shock anymore but it's jarring. i get happy when I have strange dreams and she's just there as a casual cast member, living life
17
Posts: 28871
Date: 05-01-2023 12:14
Private
World famous



AtlantaG1912 wrote:
i know how you feel i lost my grandad unexpectly from a heart attack on December 13th. I still forget he's not here even though i felt him take his last breathe. 

I was at work the other day and he normally picks me up after as trying to get bus home when all the football fans are trying to get on is ridiculous. I started walking to the spot he normally picks me up from and my friend had to remind i needed to walk the opposite way to the bus stop.

If you need someone to talk to let me know xx
20
Posts: 23518
Date: 05-01-2023 12:18
XLolox
International star



xLolox wrote:
uhyre wrote:
it's been like. a decade since my grand ma died and it was the first major, directly affecting me since I grew properly conscious death, death in my family, and I still catch myself getting surprised at it. like I'll think wow its been a while since I saw grandma I should visit soon. and then immediately remember. its not a grief shock anymore but it's jarring. i get happy when I have strange dreams and she's just there as a casual cast member, living life
Kinda crazy how a person stays alive in your memories, to remember they're not here
15
Posts: 355
Date: 05-01-2023 12:27
XLolox
International star



xLolox wrote:
AtlantaG1912 wrote:
i know how you feel i lost my grandad unexpectly from a heart attack on December 13th. I still forget he's not here even though i felt him take his last breathe. 

I was at work the other day and he normally picks me up after as trying to get bus home when all the football fans are trying to get on is ridiculous. I started walking to the spot he normally picks me up from and my friend had to remind i needed to walk the opposite way to the bus stop.

If you need someone to talk to let me know xx
I'm so sorry for your loss <3
My grandma's passing was not that unexpected, but still painfully because she only got diagnosed again end may/June. 
15
Posts: 355
Date: 05-01-2023 12:28
Private
World famous



AtlantaG1912 wrote:
xLolox wrote:
AtlantaG1912 wrote:
i know how you feel i lost my grandad unexpectly from a heart attack on December 13th. I still forget he's not here even though i felt him take his last breathe. 

I was at work the other day and he normally picks me up after as trying to get bus home when all the football fans are trying to get on is ridiculous. I started walking to the spot he normally picks me up from and my friend had to remind i needed to walk the opposite way to the bus stop.

If you need someone to talk to let me know xx
I'm so sorry for your loss <3
My grandma's passing was not that unexpected, but still painfully because she only got diagnosed again end may/June. 
Same to you!

Aww bless her. Like i say if you ever need to talk to someone i'm here xx
20
Posts: 23518
Date: 05-01-2023 12:32
Private
National star



Sylvan wrote:
That's normal. People and places still exist in my brain even though they are long gone.
My aunt pressured my grandma to sell her house before she died and the new owners cut down every apple tree in my grandpas former garden. Every time I walk past that house I still expect him to stand on a ladder, tending his precious trees while his pigeons sit on the porch railing.
16
Posts: 17412
Date: 05-01-2023 12:48
Private
Popstar



disposable wrote:
SAME! sometimes i think about calling them and realize that, no i can not do that. or like my mum who set the table for her dad even though he's been dead for months
18
Posts: 5672
Date: 05-01-2023 14:02
XLolox
International star



xLolox wrote:
Sylvan wrote:
That's normal. People and places still exist in my brain even though they are long gone.
My aunt pressured my grandma to sell her house before she died and the new owners cut down every apple tree in my grandpas former garden. Every time I walk past that house I still expect him to stand on a ladder, tending his precious trees while his pigeons sit on the porch railing.
This is such an adorable memory to think of when walking by <3
15
Posts: 355
Date: 05-01-2023 17:30
XLolox
International star



xLolox wrote:
disposable wrote:
SAME! sometimes i think about calling them and realize that, no i can not do that. or like my mum who set the table for her dad even though he's been dead for months
Exactly! I used to be so close with my grandma when I was little (grew up to be a typical teenager but stayed at their house a lot, until 2019 - because of covid and her breast cancer I couldn't anymore).
Few weeks ago I was so proud at the outfit I made with some clothing pieces of her, and was excited to call her lol (couldn't ofc)
15
Posts: 355
Date: 05-01-2023 17:32
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