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General < General
yo is this abuse
Private
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Limbs wrote:
my sister and her fiance fight a lot, like all the time, their relationship is rly bad honestly. but what she told me today sounds SO unfair n kinda like financial abuse to me?? what do you think? 

so my sis is on disability and her fiance has a job, they also have 4 kids. she gets benefits from the govt but obviously he gets a lot more money from working. yesterday my sister asked for her man's credit card to go grocery shopping. they checked that there's 318 euros on his account, and a 100 euro bill was going to be paid from it. so there was 200e left to use.

my sister spent 120e on groceries. and now her fiance has been raging that the account is empty and what the fuck did she use all the money on

and he says they can't check the bank records for where the money went, because checking them costs money (no more than 1e)

Like this is so fucked up to me. : ( he blames literally everything on her and takes no accountability for anything. it's also my sister's freaking birthday today and this is what he does.... 
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 04-02-2023 12:56
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Babel wrote:
Honestly sounds more like general money issues than actual abuse ???
21
Posts: 20520
Date: 04-02-2023 13:18
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wrote:
DeIure wrote:
Honestly sounds more like general money issues than actual abuse ???
At least yet. I could play into a bigger picture we don't know about. Also the dude need to grow up and stop raging to the person in the world that's supposed to be his partner, and like deal w idk the underlying money stress issues that might bw there  bc being yelled at over buying food aint it. 
Date: 04-02-2023 13:58 | Times changed: 1
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Limbs wrote:
DeIure wrote:
Honestly sounds more like general money issues than actual abuse ???
mm yeah that as well
ii just feel like it's really fucked up that he's blaming her when she did nothing wrong, and then refusing to look at the evidence that would show what actually happened. because of a minute reason since checking the bank records only costs cents. n she can't prove herself innocent because he is holding that power over her

and ye, nesta ^ the bigger picture is that he is always raging at her for everything, blaming her for everything going wrong in their family, badmouthing her, etc. and yelling at her because he has to spend his money to pay for things for his own kids. either way even if it's not abuse it's really sad :/
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 04-02-2023 14:04
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Babel wrote:
Limbs wrote:
DeIure wrote:
Honestly sounds more like general money issues than actual abuse ???
mm yeah that as well
ii just feel like it's really fucked up that he's blaming her when she did nothing wrong, and then refusing to look at the evidence that would show what actually happened. because of a minute reason since checking the bank records only costs cents. n she can't prove herself innocent because he is holding that power over her

and ye, nesta ^ the bigger picture is that he is always raging at her for everything, blaming her for everything going wrong in their family, badmouthing her, etc. and yelling at her because he has to spend his money to pay for things for his own kids. either way even if it's not abuse it's really sad :/
If he's always blowing up at her then it's another thing entirely than "fight a lot" (both parties at fault) and him being angry about a situation that really sounds like they're very tight on money (not alright to blow up at your partner, but if you're stressed AF about the financial situation of your family it sometimes happens. We're all only human.) I have been there with the stress and unfortunately relate to it.

I honestly get not wanting to spend "unnecessary" money on bank records if there's only 80 euro left until next payday for a family of 6(!!) (don't you get the offer to get a receipt when grocery shopping for instance, which could negate a reason to check in the first place?)

I do, however, agree with you that blaming her for money spending on food is over the top, especially if it's a pattern where he usually blames and rages at her for everything going wrong (and if it is a pattern it might either border to or be abuse, depending on how bad it is)
If you're really worried about her, see if you can help her in any way to lighten the burden on her, and in that way help her feel less dependent on him, which might make it easier for her to make a choice about finding something less toxic for her and the children.
21
Posts: 20520
Date: 04-02-2023 14:32
MissLondon
World Famous



MissLondon wrote:
How is anyone even able
to survive supporting that
many people with 1 person
earning income?
That’s insane and scary
20
Posts: 27955
Date: 04-02-2023 21:01
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Limbs wrote:
MissLondon wrote:
How is anyone even able
to survive supporting that
many people with 1 person
earning income?
That’s insane and scary
finland has better government benefits than your country : ) the amount she gets (because you get extra benefits for every kid) is probably the same as someone with a low-paying job
16
Posts: 9825
Date: 05-02-2023 18:01
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