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bee wrote:
with the wrong person
the more i try not to have feelings for this guy, the more i get feelings for him
he is just doing everything right. everything i have ever longed for in previous crushes and relationships who never gave me shit, he is giving me all that and so much more
he tells me all the time how much i mean to him, how much he cares about me and wants me to be happy. he cooks for me (DELICIOUS food btw), he let me stay at his apartment for three days, gave me a toothbrush and got me pads when my period arrived. and i do things for him too, like doing the dishes after we eat and getting him painkillers when he had a toothache. and its NICE. he is there for me and im there for him
we have inside jokes, we understand each other and what we have been through. i can tell him anything thats on my mind, he just makes me so comfortable
he tells me all the things i need to hear, and yet, one time my insecurities got the best of me and i was convinced he hated me and would leave me. he never got mad or disappointed that i had all these thoughts, he just reassured me of how much he likes me, that he wont go anywhere and if i need it he would write it all in a letter for me that i could always carry around, so i would never forgot how much i mean to him. i told him not to do that, but i didnt tell him i didnt want him to do that because if he did, i might fall too hard and there would be no going back. thats would be the sweetest and most thoughtful things a person has ever done for me, and i dont think i cant handle that
i want him, but it feels bad and wrong. being this close to a person feels incredible in some ways, but it is also making me realize i dont want anything serious. i dont want to be tied down and i dont want to lose myself in feelings. im also realizing that i could never bring this guy home to my mom, so how could i ever be in a relationship with him?
i like what we have right now but i dont want anything mor. just this. but i know he wants more, and a part of me does too, but i cant and its all killing me
i dont know why im writing all this on virtualpopstar.com instead of in my diary, but my head is so full of all these thoughts i cant sleep at all
with the wrong person
the more i try not to have feelings for this guy, the more i get feelings for him
he is just doing everything right. everything i have ever longed for in previous crushes and relationships who never gave me shit, he is giving me all that and so much more
he tells me all the time how much i mean to him, how much he cares about me and wants me to be happy. he cooks for me (DELICIOUS food btw), he let me stay at his apartment for three days, gave me a toothbrush and got me pads when my period arrived. and i do things for him too, like doing the dishes after we eat and getting him painkillers when he had a toothache. and its NICE. he is there for me and im there for him
we have inside jokes, we understand each other and what we have been through. i can tell him anything thats on my mind, he just makes me so comfortable
he tells me all the things i need to hear, and yet, one time my insecurities got the best of me and i was convinced he hated me and would leave me. he never got mad or disappointed that i had all these thoughts, he just reassured me of how much he likes me, that he wont go anywhere and if i need it he would write it all in a letter for me that i could always carry around, so i would never forgot how much i mean to him. i told him not to do that, but i didnt tell him i didnt want him to do that because if he did, i might fall too hard and there would be no going back. thats would be the sweetest and most thoughtful things a person has ever done for me, and i dont think i cant handle that
i want him, but it feels bad and wrong. being this close to a person feels incredible in some ways, but it is also making me realize i dont want anything serious. i dont want to be tied down and i dont want to lose myself in feelings. im also realizing that i could never bring this guy home to my mom, so how could i ever be in a relationship with him?
i like what we have right now but i dont want anything mor. just this. but i know he wants more, and a part of me does too, but i cant and its all killing me
i dont know why im writing all this on virtualpopstar.com instead of in my diary, but my head is so full of all these thoughts i cant sleep at all
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