Break-up help ☹️ - Forum

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:
PLEASE help me break up with my girlfriend...

It's difficult for me because she's very.. emotionally vulnerable? She's had a lot of emotional/physical/sexual abuse and trauma in her life, she's no contact with her family

We've been together 7-8 months?
A few months in, I tried to break up with her, I said I think maybe I'm aromantic and I think we'd be better as friends and that I was really sorry because I didn't know, this was my first relationship, but she was crying and was all like "Maybe you just show love differently and love isn't always like society portrays it"
And we talked about some issues we were having and resolved them, so we decided to give it another go

Anyway, I still feel that way, even more so now
Her touching me, talking about us as a couple, wanting physical affection from me, wanting to spend SO much time with me, talking about our future, it all makes me so uncomfortable and really drained and sad

She wants so much from me that I cannot give her, I want her to be with someone who truly loves her and can satisfy those romantic needs

I wish we could just be friends because the moments when she's not doing any of those things, I actually really enjoy her company and talking to her, but I don't think I can convey to you guys just how in love with me she is, it makes me feel objectified and dehumanised

And people on the internet seem to be of the opinion that you cannot be friends afterwards, or you at least have to wait until they've found a new partner

Please help me I've never broken up with someone before, I've cried many many times over this... ☹️

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:
I hate VP, ruined my formatting

Private
Popstar

bexxi wrote:
i think u have already formulated what u need to tell her quite well already

you still like her, but you realized its jsut not working on a relationship basis and contiuinin is unfair to both of you. i think actually saying thewords is hard either way sad

wish u the best sucho

MissLondon
World Famous

MissLondon wrote:
That sounds exhausting!
Just rip the bandaid off cause it's gonna suck regardless

I'm not sure if I would attempt friendship right away because it might give her hope of a reconciliation

Good luck

Elisia
National Star

elisia wrote:

bexxi wrote:
i think u have already formulated what u need to tell her quite well already

you still like her, but you realized its jsut not working on a relationship basis and contiuinin is unfair to both of you. i think actually saying thewords is hard either way

wish u the best sucho

^^^
I second this

Ive been on both ends and it hurts less to just do it than to prolong it

Private
World Famous

remains wrote:
you've clearly thought about it a lot and know why it doesn't work, you just need courage to do it. it's never easy! but the sooner you do it, the better, it's not fair to either of you to keep going like that. emotions will pass. it's gonna be alright

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:
Thank you everyone
I know I need tomdo it, but I don't know how or where or when
Like do I do it at my house, her house, outside somewhere? Day time, night time?
Maybe these things don't matter and I'm overthinking it, but I want her to feel safe and as comfortable as possible

Private
Popstar

bexxi wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:
Thank you everyone
I know I need tomdo it, but I don't know how or where or when
Like do I do it at my house, her house, outside somewhere? Day time, night time?
Maybe these things don't matter and I'm overthinking it, but I want her to feel safe and as comfortable as possible

i have no advice for this

but i just wanna say i wish u the courage to do it and i hope that ypu can stay friends (ive done that before, its def possible)
wish u the best sucho

Private
World Famous

remains wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:
Thank you everyone
I know I need tomdo it, but I don't know how or where or when
Like do I do it at my house, her house, outside somewhere? Day time, night time?
Maybe these things don't matter and I'm overthinking it, but I want her to feel safe and as comfortable as possible

that's understandable. personally i wouldnt wanna go through something that personal and emotional in public
i know you dont want her to hurt, but try to be as honest and direct about how you're feeling, there's no use being vague or trying to lessen the blow so to say

Solar
National Star

Solar wrote:
i think other veepeers have already said what i wanted to say

in my opinion it would be best to break up with her at her house, if she lives by herself. definitely not in public. i think your house could be the second option but i think it would be easiest for her if she didn't have to travel afterwards? day time or night time definitely don't matter. something that does matter is; plan a moment to talk just about this. don't first hang out together and then break up with her, do it as soon as you see her if that makes sense!

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:

Solar wrote:
i think other veepeers have already said what i wanted to say

in my opinion it would be best to break up with her at her house, if she lives by herself. definitely not in public. i think your house could be the second option but i think it would be easiest for her if she didn't have to travel afterwards? day time or night time definitely don't matter. something that does matter is; plan a moment to talk just about this. don't first hang out together and then break up with her, do it as soon as you see her if that makes sense!

Yeah, I thought it wouldn't be nice for her to travel back home all upset, hers is probably best, yes that makes sense!

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:

bexxi wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:
Thank you everyone
I know I need tomdo it, but I don't know how or where or when
Like do I do it at my house, her house, outside somewhere? Day time, night time?
Maybe these things don't matter and I'm overthinking it, but I want her to feel safe and as comfortable as possible

i have no advice for this

but i just wanna say i wish u the courage to do it and i hope that ypu can stay friends (ive done that before, its def possible)
wish u the best sucho

I hope it's possible for me too

Private
World Famous

Suchomimus wrote:
I don't know how to bring it up though.. We usually message to arrange before we're going to hang out, do I message her and say look we need to talk at yours? Do I say it's about our relationship? Though I'm sure she'll know it's about that anyway

Private
Popstar

bexxi wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:
I don't know how to bring it up though.. We usually message to arrange before we're going to hang out, do I message her and say look we need to talk at yours? Do I say it's about our relationship? Though I'm sure she'll know it's about that anyway

i think messaged her is probably best like it doesnt have to be a surprise and its probably good if she already expects something like that

Teabag
World Famous

Teabag wrote:

Suchomimus wrote:
I don't know how to bring it up though.. We usually message to arrange before we're going to hang out, do I message her and say look we need to talk at yours? Do I say it's about our relationship? Though I'm sure she'll know it's about that anyway

Hmm yeah that’s a tough one
I think i personally, from an anxiety perspective I would've liked to just plan a meetup as usual without the "when can we meet, we need to talk" cus if it's in a few days and i know it's a talk im gonna go thinking and worry the whole time leading up to the meet. But a heads up would also be nice so maybe the day of send a message like "hey there's something i wanna talk about when we meet today"

If that makes sense, but that’s just a me thing maybe

Teabag
World Famous

Teabag wrote:
Also, agree with solar! and do it at her place
Not only because of travelling for her but for your sake too. The situation could become uncomfortable and if she isn't ready to leave but you really are ready to say goodbye, you would either have to kick her out or suck it up and let her stay.